Happy Valentine’s Day! Hope everyone had a nice weekend. We finally return to the beautiful Moon Palace in Ocho Rios, Jamaica, with The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Peter is bringing everyone by bus to meet his peeps in a part of Jamaica that’s not on the tourist maps. On the bus, Cynthia has a meltdown about her fight with Kenya. Whoever the
messy messenger was who snitched to Kenya, got the message wrong. Cynthia loves and cares about Kenya, but don’t nobody compare to her friendship with NeNe. When Sheree, who is dressed in her best Moroccan headdress, admits to being the messy messenger, she recommends that Cynthia talk to Kenya when she calms down. Such a help. Then Kim has a little freak out because she’s not on the friend list. It was meant to break the tension, but it was just weird.
Meanwhile, Matt and Kenya decide not to get on the bus and instead go to the spa to drink champagne in a bubble bath for two. Kenya explains to Matt this whole thing is NeNe’s fault. According to Kenya, she is all about building Cynthia up and NeNe is all about tearing her down. Matt has never in his life been so happy to be a man.
Peter comes from very humble beginnings. Phaedra points out all the goats and talks about eating one, but is a very sexy voice. It was kind of creepy, but Kim’s husband, Chris, digs Phaedra’s sultry sassiness. Peter introduces his family to everyone. Fun fact: Peter’s childhood name was Elvis. Peter, please change your name back. Think of the fun we can have with Elvis. Kim announces the call time for tomorrow’s ‘mercial and tells Porsha and Phaedra not to wear dental floss. Spoiler alert: they don’t listen.
Back at the hotel, da boys gather in the bar and join Matt and Chris, while NeNe goes to get Kenya and force her to hang with the girls by the pool. Cynthia apologizes to Kenya if what she said last night about not being BFF’s got a little twisted. Kenya says it’s all good in the hood and she’s looking forward to supporting her friend in the ‘mercial.
Back at the bar, Peter is pouncing on Matt for being 28, the same age of one of his
many kids. In fact, all the guys wonder what’s wrong with Matt when they learn he doesn’t have any kids. For reals! Matt says, “I don’t play like this.” Peter responds, “No one’s playing with you, dawg!” Matt bounces and Peter doesn’t think much of that either.
By the pool, the conversation turns to smack talk about Kim’s husband. Phaedra thinks he has a fire in his fireplace. Kenya thinks they are a “weird couple” and by weird she means, Chris is on the DL. In the “industry” he’s known as ‘Chrissy,” and Kenya’s not talking about “Three’s Company,” hunty! They are also known as, my personal fav, “Tootie” and “Fruity.” Here’s the thing, y’all, Chris is what they call a triple-threat. He sings, dances, and acts, and he’s tapped on Broadway, so if that doesn’t just scream hetero-male, I don’t know what does.
The following morning Kim is up early to work on the commercial and pay attention to her kids. Unfortunately, Chris won’t be there to help. He had to leave early because he’s about to become a quadruple threat, y’all. Chris is transitioning…into a producer, according to his wife.
Flash forward to the beach spot where the commercial will be shot. It’s a beautiful day. Cynthia arrives on time and the “extras” won’t be there until 3:00. Planned that way on purpose. For some reason, though, Kim has Cynthia stand about a mile away on a dock for the ‘mercial. And action! Cynthia is so far away, I can’t tell if she’s wearing sunglasses or not. Kim’s yelling, “Didn’t nobody tell you to put that leg out.” It’s very confusing. I don’t think Kenya would have shot it that way and she probably would have loved the leg. Just saying.
Later, when the rest of the gang arrives, thunder and lightning are in the distance and dark clouds are looming. Porsha arrives in her fishnet dress that reveals what she says is a hint of her ass. Girl, if that’s a hint, I hate to see what an outright tell is. And Phaedra is going commando under her skirt, thanks for sharing. Hard to believe these two are alone, am I right? Oh, but guess what. Oliver from Miami is coming to Jamaica, so only Phaedra will be alone, bless her heart.
Excited to be part of the ‘mercial, everyone jumps in to help. Porsha takes a selfie. Phaedra lounges on a chair. NeNe hands out the “jury.” Gregg is running with the Corona’s. And Bob Whitfield is striking a pose. Where’s Kenya? She and Matt are in a paddle boat, dodging lightning bolts. Kenya was there to be “supportive” of Cynthia, but since the call sheet didn’t bother to list the closest hospital, Kenya knew she was dealing with amateurs, and wanted no part of that. And who can blame her. What was Kim thinking not listing the nearest hospital? What if someone steps on glass? Or gets stung by a jellyfish? Think people, think.
It’s a wrap! Despite the drama, Kim did a great job of directing. Peter announces there will be a wrap party back at the hotel. Three cheers for Kim, but quietly please because you’re disturbing Kenya who must think she’s in the library section of the beach. Cynthia feels confident with her choice of Kim as director and producer. And Kenya can feel confident about her choice to bring Matt to Jamaica. All is well.
Party time for Porsha. Her Latin lover has arrived and he’s just as sexy as she remembers. Porsha suggests a friendly threesome with her lonely friend Phaedra. I’m sure Oliver is down for anything, and when Porsha shows him his own room for the cameras his stay, he’s a little disappointed. Best quote of the night is by Porsha: spooning leads to forking. Worst quote of the night is by Phaedra: she is ready to release the dragon. Such a southern belle, that one.
Kenya and Matt are the last to arrive at the party. Matt brings Peter a beer peace-offering and the two shoot pool. I love how men make-up, don’t you? Take note, ladies. One and done. On the girls’ side of the party, after Cynthia congratulates Kim for a job well done, they start sharing how wonderful and talented and funny her renaissance man, Chris, is. This is when Sheree decides that she is suddenly all about keeping it real. She informs Kim the truth, in front of everyone, what was really said about her Tootie-fruity husband. To be continued…Grrr!
Tune in next week when we finally check in the Kandi. Hope we haven’t missed the birth of that baby.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.