The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills begins with Yolanda and her sidekick Daisy, meeting up with Lisa V. and Kyle at a cryotherapy center. It’s one of Yolanda’s faves, and a super-cool spot for a sickie-pic. Participants basically go into a deep freeze, to stimulate natural anti-inflammatory molecules. Yolanda snarks that the women are too dolled up for popsicle therapy, and should just embrace being raw, and unwashed. Lisa gives us a quick boob flash as the she enters the chamber, before she tosses out her robe. The women are in stitches, as Lisa screeches and acts silly, happy to see droopy Yolanda, actually crack a smile.
We check in with Erika and Mikey, her creative director, shopping for trampy accessories. We learn that Erika is performing in a a gay club in San Diego, and the ladies are all coming to enjoy a risqué dose of Erika Jayne. Erika disses Kathryn for not appreciating her trash mouth, as Mikey rambles on about choosing shoes that most effectively scream “steamy vagina.” We hop over to Lisa Rinna’s, where we find Lisa chatting with her hubby, Harry. She is packing for the trip, and is bracing herself for a night of nasty fun.
We hop back to Kyle, Lisa, and Yolanda, who are having lunch, and thawing out. Yo’s white jeans are back, a sure sign of her boring resurgence. Yolanda is still too weak to put on makeup, so she is going to pass on the San Diego trip. She shares that she has never seen Erika perform…strange for such a solid bestie. Yolanda abruptly turns up the heat, and blasts Lisa R., for discrediting her four-year Lyme struggle, with her “haushen-maushen” accusation. Yolanda questions Kyle and Lisa about their part in the dramatically hyped convo, and Kyle admits that they didn’t stick up for their loony cast mate. Yo drops her bomb, and accuses Lisa V. of stating that Anwar and Bella don’t have the Lyme. Lisa R. made mention of light banter going on at the barbecue, but Yo doesn’t add that Erika is the one who spilled the tea.
Yolanda assures them that Mohamed pays the the duo’s medical bills, while wagging her finger at Lisa, demanding answers. Lisa calmly clarifies that Mohamed believes his kids are healthy, which triggers Yolanda to ram a private medical folder into her face. Lisa refuses it, but Yolanda wants her to memorize it in two hours, and issue a formal apology to her children. Kyle looks panicked, as Yo lays into Lisa, blaming her for discrediting her Lyme juniors. Kyle asked a question, Lisa V. spoke her truth, and Lisa R. is proclaimed a fat-lipped blabbermouth. Yolanda flounces away from the table, incensed that Lisa V. doesn’t find Bella and Anwar’s medical records as captivating as she does.
Eileen meets up with Kathryn for lunch, and Kathryn brings up Eileen dating her ex-husband. Eileen is mortified by her own big mouth, especially when they figure out that her ex was dating them both at the same time. The women laugh it off, and we learn that Kathryn is planning to invite the women to her torn-up home in San Diego.
Erika hops on a bus with her team, to head to her concert. Erika’s grand-husband won’t be able to make this show, and Erika will miss seeing her elderly bo$$ clap and dance.
Kathryn, Lisa R., Lisa V., Kyle and Eileen all pile into a limo, and head out. They realize that they are set to hit “pervert night” at Erika’s venue, which piques their curiosity. The women romp around in the limo, as we watch Erika strip naked, in a scene designed to shock. YAWN. Lisa V. confronts Lisa R. about Yolanda’s finger-wagging, and Lisa R. denies that she threw her under the bus. Lisa R. believes that Yolanda was peeved about the munch-allegation, and has gone on the warpath to blast a scapegoat. Erika calls and checks in with Yolanda, as the rest of the women check into their hotel. Eileen and Lisa R. discuss the jarring lunch scolding, and who could possibly be feeding Yolanda the shady info. Erika is pegged, and Lisa R. vows to get to figure out who the glittery rat is.
The women meet up with an old friend of Kyle’s, and head to the show. Kathryn has a bum ear, and is worried that blaring terrible music might deafen her good one. Lisa R. is still peeved about being targeted by Yolanda’s icicle Lyme-finger, as they all arrive at the club, and are greeted by leather strapped men. The women are all excited to whoop it up, and are ready to bring out their inner Erika Jayne sluts.
We flash on Erika’s group in a quasi prayer, whispering about “a creative journey”, and solemnly vowing to turn up the sexy heat. Erika hopes that the girls will have a good time, and everyone is excited. Eileen is jumping out of her skin, and Kyle just can’t wait to helicopter her middle-aged ponytail around. Erika begins her number, as the women try and gyrate around on the sidelines. Bravo edits in a snippet of Lisa V squinting and sipping tea, in a hilarious spot. Lisa R. comments that she is a prude, but understands why the naked gays love Erika.
The women overdo their gaga fan-love for Erika, as they all gush over her after the show. They strut onto Erika’s bus, and enjoy basking in her trashy dance-queen afterglow. Erika’s tacky, and intentionally chosen jewelry sparks a debate, but Eileen can’t spell, so she thinks that the x-rated necklace is fine. Erika defends herself, claiming that they are on her low-class turf, not in prissy Beverly. The women gather in a hotel room, and Lisa R. questions Erika about her part in Yolanda’s BS existence. Eileen barks out a challenge to come clean, and no one admits to being the narc. Erika tattled to Yolanda, and admits it in a talking head, asserting her right to make her Erika Jayne persona a filthy fibber. She brays out orders at the others, and Lisa R. seethes in frustration. The women all smell a cheap liar, as Erika basks in her sexiness, and flings her weave around. The episode ends strangely, with Kyle and Lisa V. ramming a room service cart into a wall.
Next week, Adrienne Maloof pops in for a visit. Tears, laughter, anger…just another week in the 90210.