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RECAP: Real Housewives of Potomac “Divas, Queens and Bubalas” [Episode 2]

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I’m an exasperated soap fan who keeps hanging on – waiting for the daytime I once loved to return to its former glory! Hey, it doesn’t hurt to have a dream. I learned to love soaps thanks to my wonderful mother and grandmother. I’ll always have fond memories of daytime, most especially of ‘Another World’, my first stoap love. The ever great, but sadly defunct, daytime shows like Ryan’s Hope, Search for Tomorrow, The Doctors, Loving, and many others keep a special place in my heart, as well. ♦ Norrth Cafe's BlogTwitterFacebook

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We pick up with the same  fight from last week.  As she gets up to walk away, Karen begs Gizelle to know the five rules of etiquette before ever again attending a Huger function. Kal is not amused to find out that Karen (whom he calls “the old lady” and whom Gizelle dubs the “Lady Eloise”) has a problem with Gizelle’s hair. We are also getting the clip from last week of Charisse clutching her pearls over Kal and Gizelle’s behavior… you know, the fun they were having while cooking for HER party. Where do they “do dat at?” Charrisse asks. I dunno, probably the same place where they spell Charrisse with double r and double s. It is possible they “do dat” in the same place where you attack friends who cook for you instead of telling you to open your checkbook and hire a chef. By all accounts, the food is a hit. You are welcome. Katie arrives with her deer-in-headlights boyfriend Martin, her children and her nanny, May. Robyn arrives with her adorable children. 

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As the party continues, Gizelle decides to talk to her long-time friend, Charrisse, and soon wishes she hadn’t. Charrisse takes the low road and mocks the look of Gizelle’s hair – telling her that Kal’s services weren’t needed. Gizelle feels that her friend is behaving like someone she doesn’t know.  Not even the cute scenes of Robyn’s son talking about the five crabs he ate, or Katie’s little guy asking to go in the hottub with her, spliced with the bickering friends, could save the scene. It was a cluster pluck x 3.

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Charrisse walks out on Gizelle like she had just thrown money on her nightstand and wanted her to clean herself up and go home! If they have been friends for a long time, Gizelle needs new friends. She and Kal decide to go.  They can’t make it to the door without “Lady Eloise” stepping in to make things worse. She reminds us that Kal is just the help and shouldn’t be speaking. Karen accuses Kal of making a threat against her because he flexed his muscle when she called for security to throw them out, but later says that she was all the security that was needed. Charrisse, in a TH, tells us that Gizelle needs never return… apparently the food she cooked can stay.

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The next day, Katie is meeting with Rabbi Mark. She only knows of two other people who identify as black or biracial and Jewish (Sammy Davis Jr. and Lenny Kravitz).  I think Katie likes being thought of as special no matter how she identifies.  She brags to the Rabbi about the President and Vice-President playing on the golf course outside her home, then finally tells him why she invited him.  She feels like a “bad Jew” for not having her twin daughters’ naming ceremony sooner.   She tells him the ceremony is late because of the divorce (and in a TH tells us that the marriage didn’t work out because they were too much alike…WTF?  Is it cold in here?  I just got a chill thinking about the possibility of there being two people in the world just like her.)  She shares with him the history of her mother converting to Judaism when she met Katie’s stepfather.  Katie was 10 years old at the time and converted as well. It turns out that she only goes to Synagogue on the high holidays and doesn’t read Hebrew. He is not impressed.  She is shocked that her charm and good looks aren’t working on him. She would be so much more fun if she were an anime character and not a real person.  She even finds a way for the Rabbi to involve Martin in the ceremony. Sadly, she says that now everyone will see how involved Martin is in being a parent to her children. I am starting to lose track of why she wants this ceremony. 

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Karen and Ray “the black Bill Gates” Huger are waiting for a visit from “high maintenance Aunt Dot.” She tells him that they are out of Lipton tea, in the outdated kitchen, when Ray gives us HOPE!  He tells us that there may be some in the OTHER kitchen (maybe it is the one that was renovated after 1990). Karen claims she and Ray are carrying the torch  for the prestigious Huger family (of New York and Potomac).  Cousin Bob seems chill.  Daugher Rayvin, 17, seems normal. The Hugers arrive dressed in nice attire (but no designer duds).  I don’t see expensive jewelry.  No extravagant fancy cars. Aunt Dot is even wearing a cute yellow flower in her hair.  The only pretentious thing in the room is Karen – who oddly enough is significantly less pretentious around Ray’s family. They all encourage Rayvin to value her education, as her mother adds that she should major in something that will allow her to make a lot of money.  Scary.

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We meet up with Gizelle and Katie at ‘Sip with Socialites” – a fundraiser which donates half of the bar tab to philanthropic causes.  We meet up with Ashley, our 6th housewife.  While Katie catches up with her friend, Jana, Ashley informs Gizelle that there is a entire “schlong” of drinks, to pick what she wants. Oh, ok.  People do that, now? Robyn later joins the group. Gizelle is astonished (or frightened) by the ball of hair on Ashley’s head. Katie wants to know if Ashley’s husband is black or white and if she is biracial, because, you know, Katie is excited by how diverse her own life is.  

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Talking about children, Ashley tells the ladies that she wants a Sagittarius or Leo baby. In at TH, Gizelle points out that you get a Sagittarius, or Leo, or Stupido, whenever the baby comes, not because you choose its zodiac (ouch).   Robyn sees where Gizelle is going and though she loves her, thinks that Gizelle’s claws come out in front of pretty girls.  Gizelle breaks my heart and refers to Ashley as “Thot-ish.” Ashley just seems to love having fun and kicks the party off by getting everyone excited by dancing.  Robyn thinks that Ashley has been around white people too long when Ashley starts humping her.  Katie wins the night, in my book, when she says that she loves Ashley’s energy.

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NO!  NO! NO!!!  That did not just happen!  Ashley wants music so they can twerk… I have to pretend I didn’t see or hear it..

To match Karen’s outdated kitchen, she uses an outdated phone system to page her husband, to give him  orders for the day.  He does what he can to ignore the page, but eventually relents.  I would bet that this paging thing is new for him.  He doesn’t seem to like it.  Charrisse is taking her children to their gymnastics practice.  She talks about being a single parent since her husband lives and works in New Jersey. She is also still talking about Gizelle, whose children are doing homework together as she talks over the current conflict with them.  They even help her construct luncheon invitations for Charrisse and Karen. Since the “bizzz-notches” care so much about etiquette, Gizelle plans to have the invitations hand delivered and hire a driver for the ladies.  Her children say that they have learned from the experience to be nice to your enemies and that sometimes you friends can be your worst nightmare.  Oddly enough, the scene was more cute than creepy.  Gizelle treated it as a lesson about conflict resolution. 

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We learn more about Ashley. We know that her husband is in his 50s, but now learn that he is Michael Darby, successful real estate developer – which explains why her home is the only one that looks as if it was recently built or recently renovated. Ashley is a former Miss D.C., 2011, and competed as part of the Miss America pageant.  She adores him, more than we need to know – as she tells us that his Aussie accent makes her panties wet. She has an amazing  backstory. She grew up poor enough that her family was twice evicted from their homes and they often had to go to churches for food.  She heard, and was not amused by, Gizelle’s THOT comment. She wonders if Gizelle is jealous that she doesn’t need a bustier to hold up her girls. Um. DAYUM!  Love Gizelle, and lovin’ Ashley, too.  She takes no prisoners and is far from intimidated.  She and her husband are opening a restaurant together and when she tells him that she has a fear of going broke, he tells her that she doesn’t have to worry about that.  Lovin’ this couple.

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The day of the naming ceremony arrives. Robyn snarks about Katie’s Jewish identity. Gizelle arrives late to a packed room and is shocked to learn that Jewish people start events on time. Words fail.  She assumed that since Katie was black, she had a grace period of at least 45 minutes. One of the twins receives the name Navabhat Rhena – if we were given the other twin’s name, I missed it. Rabbi Mark refers to Andrew as delicious during the ceremony when he talks about the children being a blessing to their parents. Katie also notes that Andrew keeps trying to make it clear that they are not engaged, but she muddies the waters to keep the other women at bay.  After the ceremony, Katie, Robyn, and Gizelle meet up with two friends on the back patio to have a discussion about race.  Katie, who would be perceived as African-American, identifies as biracial. Robyn and Gizelle, who are often perceived as biracial, identify as African-American.  Katie thinks that they don’t understand her.  They think she is fooling herself. 

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Too bad Charrisse and Karen rode to the make-up luncheon together – Gizelle should have sprung for two cars.  They get each other hyped about attacking Gizelle and putting her in her place instead of thinking of the luncheon as an opportunity to put the past behind them.  Gizelle notes that they look like sour patch kids. Karen defends her etiquette gift as a joke and then tells Gizelle she, too, is a joke. Gizelle says what I am thinking, “the wig on Karen’s head is the biggest joke at the table.”

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In light of Karen’s comment about the “fake hair” of others, she probably should have toned that down.  When asked why she didn’t call instead of waiting until the party to discuss her discontent, Karen says she doesn’t feel she needs to correct a grown woman.. um, etiquette gift? Charrisse jumps in, reminding us that she attacked Gizelle who was, in part, loud while dealing with the buckets of live crabs she was cooking for her friend. Charrisse tells Gizelle that she and Kal acted like they were in a Tyler Perry play. You knew it was coming. Gizelle says that Charrisse would clearly be Medea.

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Bravo slams Charrisse and shows she did indeed say that Kal could come and curl her hair. After continuing to reject Gizelle’s good faith effort, Charrisse tells Gizelle that “the presence of her face repulses” her and leaves. Karen, of course, sticks around to keep the crap going and for camera time, I’m guessing.

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Karen even goes off on Gizelle for her children’s involvement in helping to write the letter and bemoans the “hip hop phrases” in the letter (which I’m guessing Gizelle’s children wouldn’t even know) and tells Gizelle she “pimped out her children” – KLASSIE, Karen, KLASSIE!! Karen is confident that her Aunt Dot taught her how to enter a room and own it. I think Karen is delusional and can’t even borrow the corner spaces much less own the room.  She also thinks that Gizelle needs to learn better etiquette.  I think these dames need a new dictionary.

 

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