Welcome to #ShadySunday, Bravo’s newest catch-phrase. We join The Real Housewives of Atlanta with Kandi and Todd who are excited about their new arrival, though you wouldn’t know it because the nursery’s not ready and they haven’t picked out a name yet. They discuss how much Todd will contribute to the rearing of this child. Kandi wants 50% and Todd winces at the number. He suggests that when he gets home at 2 am from da club, he’ll take over until 7 am. Mmm-hmm. Lord help this baby.
Over at Kim’s house, her stylist with “great” hair stops by. If by great hair you mean she stuck her finger in a light socket, then yes, great hair. Kim is hosting a brunch with a theme – beatless. Beatless is someone who will never be defeated. I don’t know what being makeup-less has to do with being beatless, but her theme is natural beauty. When the ladies receive the prerecorded invite their reactions are pretty much the same as Kenya’s, “Really, bitch?”
Phaedra is at home with Ayden making a birthday card for his daddy. Phaedra has provided stickers and glitter and she also has new family photos. A flashback is shown of Ayden running around, acting like a two-year old during the photo session. If the prisoners are allowed to play darts, I think I know where Apollo will place the photo of Phaedra.
Back at Kandi and Todd’s, they are having a private session with a baby instructor, but first they discuss the nanny versus manny issue. Todd says, hell no, to hiring a manny. He’s the only man allowed in the house – except when Mama Joyce comes over. When the instructor arrives she asks to see the nursery. (Insert buzzer sound.) It’s still not ready.
Next, they discuss nursing the baby. Kandi wants to try for two to three months. (Insert buzzer sound.) The instructor informs the couple the correct answer is two to three years and the child will ask for it by name. Lastly, the instructor hands Todd a white baby to diaper. He wants to know who Kandi’s been cheating with. Ha-ha. Todd be so funny. Having said that, Todd does a great job at diapering the motionless, non-crying, non-peeing, fake baby. (Ding, ding, ding.) At last. They got something right.
Cynthia is with her team discussing her eyewear collection. One of the guys gets a scolding for not wearing the Cynthia Bailey eyewear. Fool. She informs the gang that Kenya and Kim have been asked to participate in the making of the commercial. There are mixed reactions, but Cynthia thinks their collaboration will be the bomb – however we all know this will be a real bomb, explosion included. Can’t wait.
Phaedra meets with her attorney and says she’s ready to start divorce proceedings. Just so happens, Apollo’s attorney was available for camera-time and will join them. First they discuss Phaedra bringing the children to visit Apollo in jail. Nope. Not until the experts tell her the kids won’t be shocked by the surroundings. My guess is Phaedra will save that for next season’s story-line. Moving on, Phaedra’s attorney says they have to develop a parenting plan to submit with the divorce papers. Allow me to help: Phaedra, the plan is for the next eight years, you on your own.
We join Porsha at Dish Nation so she can brag about how extra cute she is. She’s just a girl who’s grinding away, but is fearful of putting her info in the cloud. Just where is that cloud anyway and who can get to that cloud. And is that cloud cumulous or stratus. So many questions. Her mind is as busy as a carnival fun house. Porsha’s producer comes in to tell her more affiliates have joined because her ratings are high and just like high school, Porsha’s the most popular girl at the station.
It’s time for the brunch. Phaedra arrives and is wearing her makeup like its Sunday church. Kim, who has very little make-up on, asks Phaedra if she’d like to check her eye-lashes at the door. She does not like. Porsha arrives with full-on Dish Nation make-up. She declines to remove her eyelashes, too. Cynthia arrives and has toned-down her make-up, but isn’t completely make-up free. Sheree shows up with almost no make-up on and looks fabulous. Bitch! Kenya and Kandi are last to arrive. Kenya is peeved about being asked to go beatless, has ignored that request, and is prepared to tell Kim she’ll take off her makeup when she takes off her weave. Boom! Kandi did as she was told and is wearing very little make-up.
The women discuss the Washington D.C. and Detroit trips. Kenya shares the story of her mother’s rejection and her father’s acceptance. Cynthia brings up her commercial with Kim and Kenya. Kim says that co-directing is not done unless you are brothers. Kenya tells us that Mr. Perry directed her, while Kim was the one that was supposed to be directing. Cynthia announces to the group that the commercial will be shot in Jamaica. Girls trip! Except for Kandi.
It’s time for the beatless brunch to end so Kim gives the girls gifts of a compact so they can see their natural beauty and a notepad and pen to write a poem about said natural beauty. At first I thought, is she for real? But then I thought, I too would write a poem. Here goes: Roses are pink and carnations are red, I will always wear make-up, even when I’m dead.
Kenya isn’t feeling the love and is put off by Kim’s altruistic, we are natural women, hear us meow, lesson. Kim says there is no lesson, and bye, girl. At the door, Cynthia reminds Kim and Kenya they will be getting an email to set up a pow-wow session for the commercial. Kenya suggests that she and Kim each come up with their own commercial pitches. And it’s on, folks!
Flash forward to that meeting. Kim and Cynthia arrive, but Kenya is late. Cynthia calls Kenya and is told she can’t make it due to a Moore Manor emergency. The emergency is a hot man is on the premises. Matt and Kenya have been dating for a month and Kenya has recently upgraded him from the B team to the A team. They make a hot couple.
Back at the pitch session, Kim’s concept is two worlds – boring and exciting – depending if the model has the sunglasses on. Sitting around alone or walking the red carpet. I like it. Of course, don’t forget the beach backdrop of sun and sand, but they can make it work. Or can they? Kim tries to explain to Cynthia she’s not interested in being part of a negative atmosphere, but Cynthia is willing to risk clash of the egos for her commercial. Good luck, Cynthia!
Pack your bags, we’re going to Jamaica. Don’t worry about the sunscreen because, NeNe is bringing all the shade!
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.