We kick off The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills festivities at Kyle’s pop-up shop, in the Hamptons. The project is a dry-run, to see if anyone with big city taste will buy her gaudy Cali-caftans. Bethenny arrives, talking a mile a minute, and Eileen, Lisa R and Erika are on their way.
Eileen’s sweating about Lisa V’s comments and back at the store, Kyle is telling Bethenny that she had better sweat about hers. Kyle tells Bethenny that Erika took offense to having her porn-dance crapped on, and Bethenny calls out Kyle for not being honest about her true disgust. Kyle gasps, and denies such an outrageous notion, while Bravo reminds us of Bethenny’s snarky critique. Bethenny asks about the potential to generate bank, and Kyle reminds her that Erika’s grand-husband is loaded. Erika glides up with the others, triggering some fun and groovy memories of Marcia Brady.
The women shop it up, and Bethenny demonstrates Erika’s
trashy taste level with some hoochie cutoffs, before apologizing for criticizing her the night before. Erika graciously lets her off the hook, probably hoping that she will just shut up. Kyle and Eileen think that Erika’s musical gyrating is sorta like yoga, but Erika assures Bethenny that she is seeking to make it a career. Her first hit was in 2007…is it not a career yet? Erika rolls her eyes, and I agree, and wish that she would teach Eileen to do the same.
Bethenny signs books and poses with fans, as Kyle’s Aunt Jane gives her a framed photo of her mother. Kyle comments that her aunt believes that she is just like her mom, as we stroll down a revisionist memory lane of crazy. Lisa and Ken arrive, as Lisa R begins to dish the last season dirt on our favorite junkie mascot, Kim Richards. Lisa R is concerned that she may have been too much reality for Kim, and Bethenny participates, by frenetically analyzing Lisa’s feelings a couple of beats ahead of her. Bethenny labels Kim’s rehab bulls**t, and Kyle comments that she is on vacation from her sisterly enabling duties. Kyle is peeved when Bethenny brings up Kim, but finally admits that her sister triggers constant worry. She should be more concerned about being proud of her similarities to her
The group is gathering for dinner, and Giggy demands to sit at the head of the table. Lisa V makes the stupid mistake of asking Eileen how she is, and Ken butts in, informing Eileen that he really doesn’t want another closet rehash of this dumb Housewives drama. Eileen keeps going and going, and Lisa finally apologizes for giving a single crap about her life. Kyle snarks about Lisa being manipulative, and Erika pushes things even further and whispers the B word. GASP!
Erika wants to know why they all hate Brandi, and the women try to explain, through a Bravo flashback. Erika sincerely reaches out to Kyle with some addiction empathy, and it is sweet. Kyle listens, and tries to not look annoyed that the K word is back in the discussion. Lisa V encourages Kyle to learn coping strategies, but Kyle just wants them all to shut up, and focus on their own plastered relatives. The seafood dinner looks fab, until the fresh lemon wedges remind everyone to remember their most cryptically annoying friend, Yolanda. Lisa V refuses to indulge Kyle with her deepest fears, and apologizes that her current reality is just plain old carefree bliss. The women gang up on her, and demand that she cough up some anxiety. Eileen obliges, and opens up about being involved with an abusive boyfriend. She shares about being beaten and later breaking free, and the women are all kind and supportive. Kyle proclaims the trip a 10, and the pack of bitches breaks huddle.
The next thing we know, we are on Erika’s private plane. Erika swoops down to pick up Yolanda, who immediately drags down the wealthy fun with her self-absorbed rambling. Yolanda gushes over her reluctant king’s stellar nursing skills and her stupendous leakage. The #proudmommy shares photos of her bloody implant-baby’s birth, and Erika looks nauseous. Yolanda boasts about having the most adventurous silicone in explant history, which proves that she’s not a crazy mental case. Yolanda is sad that she is so intelligent, yet no one bought her smart act, including her own family. Erika tries to look sympathetic, but I think I spot facial notes of doubt.
The women are all home, and we jump between houses, during their daily routines. Giggy looks fetching in a hideous pink outfit that looks like it came from Kyle’s store. I picture Camille Grammer as we welcome our most notoriously “morally corrupt” flashback, as she arrives at Kyle’s home. Yes, it’s Faye Resnick, who has come to coach Kyle’s closet, so it can compete with Lisa V’s closet. Faye is the perfect corrupt decorator, who is always welcome to gossip about the Richards clan. Kyle appreciates Faye’s advice, and implies that the rest of the women just crave juicy junkie gossip.
We jump over to Pump, where Lisa is hosting an event to honor hero dogs, who evidently shop with Giggy. The women arrive, and Camille Grammer pops in, for a fun appearance. They toast to friendship, as a woman from the bar catches Lisa R’s eye. It is our new cast arrival, Kathryn Edwards, who approaches Lisa R with a warm greeting. Eileen meets the newbie, as Bravo shows us some gorgeous throwback modeling pics of our new girl. Kathryn and Lisa reminisce about the old days, but the warm and fuzzy convo turns to ice, when Lisa mentions the O-to-the-J word. WHOOPS! Lisa R explains Kathryn’s ex-husband, Marcus Allen’s connection to O.J., as well as his alleged connection to O.J.’s murdered wife, Nicole. Kathryn is a good sport, even when Eileen blurts that she flung around with Marcus a few times herself. Lisa R explains that Marcus Allen hung around with O.J., and Kathryn was connected to “that group.”
Kathryn meets Lisa V, and they bond over their mutual dislike of people, and love of animals in tacky clothes. Kyle casually brings up Faye, who was also entrenched in “that group.” Eyebrows raise all around, as they all breathe a sigh of relief that Faye isn’t there to corrupt the event. Faye’s book blamed Marcus Allen’s alleged fling with Nicole for triggering O.J…. a dark subject indeed. Kathryn gets aquatinted with the group, as Lisa V shares her jitters about inviting another tall blond to the Bravo party. Kyle keeps bleating that Kathryn “must ‘know’ Faye,” to which I must say DUH.
They leave to hit some AC and cocktails, where we learn that Eileen is planning a trip to Italy. She plans to scatter some of her sister’s ashes there, and hopes that it will bring peace and closure. The show ends with Kyle nailing Kathryn with the Faye inquisition. Kathryn doesn’t personally know Faye, but dislikes her for mischaracterizing her in her self-serving, fame-whoring, post-slaughter book. Kathryn comments that she didn’t hang out in “that group,” and Kyle labels her response as aggressive. Kyle flat-out baits, then labels Kathryn aggressive? Kyle is WELL aware of the connection between Kathryn and her most corrupt bestie.
Watch out Kyle…your “Big Kathy” is showing! Next week we go to Italy, ask more Lyme questions, and Faye revisits her past.
Becca is a Senior Editor for All About The Tea. She’s a coastal girl who loves the outdoors, and writing about the sneaky and silly side of reality TV. Her bio is short, but her snark is endless. She loves writing for the sharpest posters in the world.