We rejoin the ladies of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, at the Bella Mag white party. This episode is all about jabber, and the first topic is divorce, which triggers Lisa V to ask Eileen about her experience with marriage catastrophes. Eileen spills that she has been married three times, which incites gasps from Lisa V. Eileen explains that she met Vinnie on the set of ‘The Young and the Restless,’ and due to both of them being married, maintained only a friendship for a long time. Lisa V bluntly asks when they kicked off their dirty affair, and Eileen looks nauseous. Lisa V floats the word “affair” again, and Eileen clarifies that she separated from her husband before she began kissing Vince in real life. Kyle is soaking up the drama from across the table, and Eileen begins to regret the nosy convo. Lisa V practically climbs into her lap to get the inside deets, as Eileen tries to wiggle free. Kyle, the Bravo translator, gives us her commentary, like the viewers are a bunch of dolts, and Lisa R blasts Lisa V for being insensitive. Kyle screeches compliments at Giggy, to break the tension.
The next morning Bethenny Frankel appears, via a phone call, as we are treated to a scary flashback photo her and Kyle. Over at the Hamptons Motel 6, Lisa and Ken moan over their hangovers, and try to act like they don’t hate their cheap digs. The women leave their various lodging, and head out to a wine tasting. Eileen feels awkward around Lisa V, and hopes that she can drown her unresolved feelings in a vat of wine. Lisa R asks some questions about Erika, because she watched one of her trashy videos. Eileen assures her that Erika doesn’t stick her butt up in the air when she hangs with them, and adds that the video is fabulous. Lisa R nails it as raunchy, and admits that it makes her uncomfortable. Lisa R explains that she would rather keep her porn stars as strangers, and Eileen just wishes that she could dabble in soft porn, while Vince is at the races.
Erika arrives at the house, and the ladies greet her warmly. Lisa R asks some honest questions about the video, and Erika describes it as acting out sexy moments, in front of people. Eileen is obsessed with Erika Jayne, and wishes they could trade places, so Vince can nag someone else about her clothes. Erika comments that these women are way more work than gay guys, because it forces her to actually listen, and not pretend to be elsewhere. Erika musters up some focus, and shares that she is headed out in a few days to pick up Yolanda and her bloody implant baby, in Cleveland. Everyone hopes that the surgery will be the key to a miracle recovery.
Speaking of miracles, David is doing a bang-up job at playing reluctant nurse, as we pop in for a visit. Yolanda gushes over how wonderful it is to journey with her king by her side, even if it is against his will. Lisa V calls to check in, and Yolanda groans over the phone, as she likens the surgery to a cannonball shot into her chest. David snarks about his boob-less patient, and Yo looks less than amused. The couple proclaims that they have won the war against silicone, and have victoriously blasted the fake Lyme out of her body. Back in the Hamptons, the women chat about Bethenny, and we learn that Erika has chosen to stay at the hotel with Lisa V.
Kyle arrives at Skinnygirl Central, as Bethenny and her frenetic energy are buzzing around her kitchen. We learn of Kyle and Beth’s meeting, which is a boring story about a waitress, a boyfriend, and some overpriced eye makeup remover. Bethenny is wearing an odd
clown getup, as she walks us to a cool outbuilding that she converted into a cute bar. It’s great, and her whole house is lovely. Bethenny asks about Kim, and go figure, Kyle blabbers freely with the woman of the hour. Kyle assures us that their long friendship means that Bethenny is allowed to pry, as the women sit and talk about the good old days. They chat about Erika, her grand husband, and her scandalous music career.
Meanwhile, the other women swing by and pick up Lisa and Ken, and head towards Bethenny’s place, where we find Bethenny and Kyle snarking over dirty pics of Erika. The gang arrives, and they continue the endless jabber about Erika Jayne. Ken leaves, and Eileen continues to gush jealously over her idol, while Bethenny rudely nicknames her new obsession, Bambi. Erika is happy, because ho-hookers named Bambi are actually fabulous. The women eat dinner, and continue to chat about their lives, and various memories.
Dinner is served, and Bethenny offers Erika bleating and unsolicited branding advice, along with the couscous. Lisa R begins to feel ill, and makes a hasty exit, before she hustles all over the table. Erika plays her video on her phone, and Bethenny watches her writhe around on a bed for a minute. Kyle acts as an interpreter, as if the viewers are completely unfamiliar with Bethenny’s abrasive opinions. Kyle informs us that Bethenny is strong and opinionated, as the rest of the women titter and munch popcorn, waiting for the fireworks. Bethenny doesn’t disappoint, and comments that the “production value” is lame and cheap.
The other women jump in and praise the project, all jostling each other for the good guy spot. Bethenny wants to be able to peg the brand, and Erika assures her that her porny angle is quite clear. Serves Erika right, for answering yes, when asked if she wanted Bethenny’s honest thoughts. Doesn’t she watch RHONY? Bethenny keeps yammering, braying like an obnoxious donkey, until Erika drags her to her feet to show her how it’s done. Bethenny’s a good sport, but splits her clown trunks, in an awkward attempt to pull off sexy.
The next day, we watch Lisa R doing yoga, which she credits for keeping her off booze and Xanax. Eileen asks Lisa for her opinion on Lisa V butting into her extramarital affairs, as the trio from the hotel heads to the house. Lisa grills Erika about her
elderly hubby, as Eileen complains about being grilled about her third one. Lisa V comments that Erika has passed her buttinski test, and that she likes the rookie’s candor. Erika comments that Queen Lisa interrogates to be in control, and is aware that she is being aligned with all of Lisa’s Bravo duckies.
Lisa R encourages Eileen to talk to Lisa about her big yapper. They arrive at the house, and Erika rehashes Bethenny’s bitchy critique of her hooker-chic brand, and comments that Bethenny may be jealous. The show wraps, with Eileen talking to Lisa V about butting into her beeswax, and compares her to Trashbox Glanville. Lisa half-apologizes, and wishes that Eileen had just shoved her off of her lap earlier. Lisa V acts puzzled over the brouhaha, and Eileen doesn’t feel heard.
Next week, Kathryn Edwards busts onto the scene, and Eileen falls apart. See you there!