The Hustler of Home Shopping, Lisa Rinna took her wares to QVC this week on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. We got a backstage peek at selling to the masses. (And by masses, I mean me. I’m not proud, people. When there’s a Philosophy sale, I reach for the phone.)
Along the way, Rinna stops by her hotel room and wipes it down like a thief trying to erase his DNA from a crime scene.
“Hotel rooms are gross. I’m sorry, but if you think of the who, what and where that TV changer has been, you would wipe that whole f***ing place down just like I do with my alcohol wipes. By the way, I also wipe my plane seat down and everything around me.”
At QVC, she runs into Dennis Basso (who just happened to design the bridesmaid dresses for Nicky Hilton). Coinkadink? I don’t think so. Bravo’s just savvy like that.
“I just love every second of the process, and to work alongside such amazing designers as Isaac Mizrahi and Dennis Basso, who along with Joan Rivers, have been my mentors in so many ways is just beyond. I am constantly learning and growing as a business woman and clothing designer.”
After hawking her goods to “Shirley”, the faceless QVC client, Rinna heads to the Hamptons.
“Listen, I am the first to admit that I’m totally spoiled by staying at chic places when I visit, so when I am in a car driving for five hours from Pennsylvania to the Hamptons in bumper to bumper traffic on a Friday, wanting to shoot myself in the head…”
When Rinna learns Kyle Richards and Eileen Davidson had decamped from the club-like atmosphere of the hotel to a rented house, she falls in line.
“…rave music right outside their window, thump thump thumping ALL NIGHT LONG AND NO ROOM SERVICE with people popping molly 24/7? Um, no thank you! Asking if I want to join them at the Hamptons home that Mauricio rented?! I said, hell yes…Mind you, at this point I am sleepless myself due to late night hours and no sleep doing my QVC gig and I am HANGRY!”
Now here’s where Rinna gets it wrong:
“While we’re at the white party, LVP brings up Kyle’s sister and asks her about the most recent arrest for the theft of $600 worth of toys from Target.”
Nope! Lisa Vanderpump does not bring up Kim Richards. Kyle does, then quickly gets pissy when Lisa asks a reasonable question about the event. Rinna glances between the two women like she’s ringside at a ping pong match.
“I basically sit in between them like a cat’s got my tongue and there’s no way I’m touching that one with a ten foot pole, because it has been made very clear that Kyle doesn’t want to be asked about her sister. Well, it would seem both sisters are off limits to talk about, which, interestingly enough, are topics that have been brought up by LVP so far this season.”
LVP can be accused of a lot of things—having too many purple satin dresses being among them—but she does not start that conversation.
When it comes to chronic disease, Rinna has learned to keep her big lips zipped.
“Finally, I’d like to address many messages that I have seen come in on my Twitter, Instagram and Facebook in these recent weeks. First of all, I want to take a moment to thank so very many of you for educating me about chronic illness. I see you. I hear you. I acknowledge each and every one of you brave souls that suffer silently within your illness.”
Surely Rinna isn’t going to muzzle her mouth, is she? We already have one diplomat in the group—Eileen—and that’s more than enough. I need Rinna in there, stirring it up, asking awkward questions. Otherwise, this season is going to slide into snoozeville.
So, did Rinna make a mistake or is she trying to throw LVP under the bus? And will you be wearing her California casual clothes any time soon?