We jump into The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills in Kyle’s store, where Lisa Rinna is popping in for a visit. Mauricio promised her a birthday gift, and Lisa is ready to cash in. Lisa picks out a jacket, but I fall in LOVE with her snazzy shoes. Kyle dishes about her new pop-up shop in the Hamptons, and adds that Lisa V has an event planned in the same area. Lisa R adds that she will also be nearby…and voila…a contrived Bravo girls’ trip is born.
Speaking of watery poop, Hanky the swan is sick, and Lisa is worried about her most difficult to cuddle pet. Lisa jams into her car with the giant bird, and Ken jumps in to drive them to the vet. The vet shoots some nourishment down Hanky’s throat, and he is officially on the mend.
We jump to a park with Yolanda and Erika, who carry out a ridiculously staged sneak-up surprise on Kyle. The trio takes off for a walk, while admiring Erika’s dance-queen ponytail. Kyle comments that the Fosters’ Canadian vacay looked mighty healthy, as she pep talks Yolanda into not collapsing onto the sidewalk. Kyle remarks that she wouldn’t touch the “M” word with a ten-foot pole, but goes on to share for the millionth time, about the depression that she suffered after her scary mother’s death. Yolanda snarks that Lyme disease is like a big bag of crazy, kind of like Kyle’s late mother.
Erika describes her “showgirl” career, and we learn that she has a son who is a police officer. Yolanda suggests that they get together for drinks to introduce Erika to the rest of the gang, and Erika reluctantly agrees to break her queens-only friendship rule, for this Bravo gig. We hear that Yolanda is set to have surgery to have her leaky implants removed, and hopefully find something to blame this whole shady rigmarole on. Kyle stupidly comments that removing leaky implants is an extreme measure, as Yo drops the bomb that Bella and Anwar have Lyme disease. The drama is immediately amped.
Kyle believes that her story is bizarre, and Yolanda assures them that it’s completely normal, especially when you’re raised in a cootie-infested stable. She informs us that she has tried all of her treatments on her kids, and I can almost feel the eyebrows raising, all over America. Erika and Kyle shake off Yo’s botox warnings, as we jump over to Lisa Rinna’s house.
Lisa is about to take off for her three-pronged trip, and needs a bikini wax. Bravo gives us a closeup of the process, and it’s gross. We mercifully switch gears, and join Kyle and Lisa V, as they meet up at Television City, to check out the set of The Young and the Restless. Eileen is worried about Lisa stealing her job, but welcomes the ladies warmly. We get a glimpse of the wardrobe area, and watch Lisa try to ram a large bill into a vending machine. Eileen leads them to up to her dressing room, and Lisa practices Eileen’s lines.
Kyle is excited about introducing Erika to the ladies, but expects them to be judgmental about her showgirl ponytail. They banter a little about Yolanda, and the horror of Lisa R having the audacity to even utter the idea of Munchausen syndrome. Eileen comments that Lisa R should come clean to Yolanda, before some soap star blabbermouth opens her big mouth.
Yolanda and Erika arrive for the cocktail hour first, and Lisa V’s eyelash-mats and pink pumps greet Erika’s. They chat, and Lisa comments that Erika looks like an elderly Barbie. Kyle arrives, and they gush over Erika’s softball sized, and pretty ugly, diamond ring. Lisa twitches over a rookie possibly upstaging her dated trademark style. Yolanda broke out her signature pukey aesthetic for the occasion, which spurs more Lyme-babble. Lisa V shares that while she maintains a lengthy relationship with Mohamed and the kids, she had no idea that Bella and Anwar have the Lyme. Yo shares that Bella’s writing career was arrested by the disease, which forced her to drop out of school. She then comments that anyone and everyone can be diagnosed with Lyme disease, and Kyle snarks that she feels her first sickie-pic coming on.
Eileen arrives, and they invite Erika along on the Hamptons trip. Erika runs down her life story, and how she got started in the skanky-disco dance circuit. The women are fascinated, and can’t wait to watch a naked Erika, roll around on the dance floor. She drops the nugget that she is married to an old guy, and winks about scoring half of his cash, if the marriage crashes. Lisa is relieved, because Ken is a young buck next to her old geezer.
Erika assures them that the marriage is great and that Ken should be able to hang in ok in the sack, for the next decade. The two ladies share niceties about their elderly better-halves, while they both try and convince the viewers that they snagged the only 70+ year olds that sexually perform like 25-year olds. Sure.
We flash back to Ken’s girly tea-party birthday, which provides a perfect segue into discussing Taylor Armstrong’s rant against Yolanda’s cryptic Instagram account. Yolanda questions the women about that big lip-flapper, as she joyfully swan dives into more Lyme jabber. Out of the blue, Eileen rats out Lisa R, for gossiping about Yolanda’s weirdo tendencies. Lisa and Kyle take turns looking panicked, and Eileen yammers on, not realizing that she zoned out when Taylor was initially nailed for the gossip. The women assure her that Lisa R feels badly, and will throw herself at Yo’s bony feet to beg her forgiveness, right after her surgery. Yolanda is horrified, and Eileen admits that she should have kept her big daytime yapper shut. Indeed.
Hanky has gained weight, and Lisa is celebrating his restored health with a cup of tea, and a make-out session. Hanky is peeved, and tells the freak with the eyelash-mats to bug off.
We jump over to the Hadid bunch in Yo’s kitchen, where tomato soup and grilled cheese is on the menu. Yolanda’s mom is visiting, and Yo is thankful for the cozy pre-surgery family time. The kiddos are gorgeous, and interact nicely together. We are treated to a few glam shots of Bella, and are reminded that the failed writer is really an eighteen year old baby, who calculates amazingly as a model. Yo and her mom take off to pick lemons, and Yo oozes lemony joy while basking in the orchard with her mother.
We jump between Yo and her mother giggling about life, and Anwar struggling to butter a slice of bread. The view is spectacular, by far my favorite spot on any Housewives franchise. Yo unloads her fears on her mom, as Bravo graces us with another shot of Yolanda’s Lymey feet. The kids trudge the hot pot up to the pair, and Yo fawns all over Gigi in response. Yo skips eating, and instead whips out a yellow envelope and ceremonially waves it to her children. Yo speaks of the shock of losing her father as a young girl, and how it changed her life. I think she could add her mental health to that list.
The kids listen to her drone on about her will, and they appear bored, tired, and slightly annoyed. Yolanda succeeds in wrecking the nice lunch, and grabbing some more camera time..so mission accomplished.
Next week Kim rips off a Target, Yolanda has her surgery, and the rest of the ladies head east!