We rejoin The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills in Italy, as Kyle and Lisa V shop the day away. Kyle loves shopping in Europe, because on that extremely rare occasion when a person compliments her style, Kyle can tell the peasant to bug off. Kyle is dressed in a mysterious mumu inspired top, which surely freed her from compliments on that day. Lisa shares that she wishes that she hadn’t babbled on about the Hiltons shutting Kyle’s family out of their royal wedding. Kyle cosigns that the deal is pretty messy, but she isn’t about to miss a fancy British wedding.
We hop over to the Rinna girls getting mani/pedis, as Lisa speaks of the struggle it is to stay close to two teenagers. Delilah mouths off snottily at her mother’s curfew rules, as Lisa explains that she negotiates her days away, to survive the snottiness. Lisa talks to her girls about picking up Ken’s new runt horse, describing it as a weird, random adventure.
We check in with Vince and Eileen, in their morning routine. Eileen yaps and scampers, Vince lounges, and Jessie ignores them both. Back in Italy, the couples are splitting, with Ken and Lisa heading to Monte Carlo, and the Umanskys leaving for London, to be half-shunned by the Hiltons. Lisa shares a brief preview of Ken’s upcoming luncheon as the couple lifts off, in a private helicopter.
Next we join Yolanda and newbie Erika, who are spending quality friend time together in a doctor’s office. Vitamin C drips are great for the immune system, and will likely make a snazzy Insta-pic. Yolanda describes Erika as a woman with lots of different colors, and hairstyles. She also owns her personality, whatever that means. Yolanda gave Erika the choice between a needle and a colonic, because what else is there to do anyway?
Lisa R and Eileen meet up for lunch and greet each other by giggling hysterically over their matching outfits. Kyle joins them, and we are shown a photo of Portia at the wedding. Kyle describes the day as magical, especially because she barely squeaked back onto the guest list. Eileen asks her what’s up with her junkie sister, and we relive one of the most epic Kim moments from last season. Kyle shares that Kim is in rehab, except for the during that one escape, when she fled to go get drunk at her daughter’s wedding. Lisa remarks that Kim is dangerous and should be locked up forever, unless there’s a boozy special occasion on the calendar. Kyle feels guilty about talking about Kim, so they move onto Yolanda. Eileen describes the horror of visiting their pukey friend, and they agree that they don’t know what is really going on. Yo is suffering, but no one knows why… except maybe Yolanda.
The two Lisas are heading to Ohio to pick up Ken’s mini-horse. The pair is jetting off in a pal’s private plane, so they can haul the runt back. We jump over to Erika’s, and after gawking at her mansion, we get a look at her husband, Tom Girardi. Erika explains that the couple got together when she was working as a cocktail waitress. Tom was her customer for a year, until Erika decided that she was sick of being broke, so she snagged herself a husband. They have been married 15-years, and are sort of cute….in a daddy/daughter kind of way. Tom is a famous hotshot lawyer, and is loaded.
Back with the Lisas, their car pulls up just in time to see the mini horse waddle out in a pink tutu, all decked out for her new mommy. The pink frill works like a charm, and Lisa falls hard, gushing over her new freak of nature pet. Lisa R soaks in some country livin’, then points out that the mini horse has the belly of a fat full-size horse. Lisa V tells her to shut it with her bony standards. Lisa takes the pee-wee for a jaunt, and Rosebud appears gimpy. The owner assures Lisa V that the horse is fine, but Lisa R thinks that they should ditch the runt and run. They debate the risk of a defective pet, and Lisa finally decides to call Ken. Ken leaves the decision up to her, she decides that a lame Rosebud is too risky, and Lisa R practically shoves her into a moving car to get her out of there. Lisa is deflated, and Ken is disappointed that he can’t dress up his new lap-sized horse.
Erika Girardi invites us to sit in on a bad girl rehearsal, where we learn that she morphs into a kinda scary singer named Erika Jayne, whenever the moon rises. We watch a montage of performance shots while Erika describes her alter ego. She appears to be cross between a knocked-off Madonna mixed with a Pussycat Doll stripper. Erika assures us that she is a classy and fabulously successful dance club music queen. The rookie boasts an especially classy sounding single entitled “One Hot Pleasure.” Erika struts into her rehearsal space wearing a reject Cher bodysuit, as Bravo rolls her credits. I try to quiet the Brandi Glanville alarms going off in my brain, and give the porny new girl a chance, but I gotta say it….WHY Bravo….just WHY?
Preparations are underway for Ken’s fancy birthday lunch, and the decor is lovely, especially if you are a woman. The guests begin to arrive, and Lisa has giant hats ready for all of the ladies. Taylor shows up, and announces that she is moving back to Beverly Hills, which makes Lisa V nervous. Lisa R shows up with a stick horse for Ken, to take the Rosebud sting away. Camille pops in, and the two Bravo castoffs get reacquainted. I am missing Yolanda…she could have come with no makeup, and they could have given her a hat to cover up her whole head.
The table looks dreamy, but a light rain is falling. The lunch looks delish, and it’s hard to know whether to look at the purple flower pom poms or the ginormous hats. Taylor earns her paycheck by blasting Yolanda, for her cryptic Instagram account. She states the obvious, and remarks to Lisa R that the struggle is real when you are following a social media account that is full of gross needle pics. Taylor smells a misdiagnosis, and Lisa R is appalled, asserting that the truth outburst made her uncomfortable. Lisa V comments that Taylor has a big yapper, but I say someone needed to call out those stupid sickie-pics. Lisa toasts to her aging hubby, ending the sweet sentiment with a crass remark. No wonder she was once besties with Trashbox Glanville.
Kyle snarks that the party is a snoozer, so the women decide to drag each other into the pool. It looks fun until Ken gets shoved in and hits the bottom hard. The women gather around him, concerned about his bum hip and his pricey shoes. Once Ken surfaces, he is a good sport, and enjoys floating around with the gaggle of ladies, while enjoying his wife’s soggy butt cheeks.
Next week the women all begin to question Yolanda’s illness, as the Beverly drama heats up.