RECAP: Real Housewives of Atlanta Head to Miami! [Season 8, Episode 6]

The ladies of The Real Housewives of Atlanta are going to Miami! But first they must discuss the upcoming trip because it’s required by Bravo. We begin at the treacherous driveway that leads to Moore Manor with Kenya, Kandi and Sheree. Take note, Sheree hasn’t been building her home for 4 years, ya’ll. It’s been closer to 3-years, 11 months, and 29 days. But get this, the Miami trip was planned by Porsha and Kenya. Weird, huh? Because they are like oil and vinegar, or is it oil and water, or perhaps vinegar and water, the ingredients of a feminine hygiene douche. No matter, I’m sure the trip will be completely relaxing and drama free. #sarcasm

At the airport we get to meet Tammy’s white Nazi husband who actually looks very normal. I kind of expected him to show up in military attire; so glad he didn’t. Kim is also going on the trip despite the fact that she’s not a girl’s girl and hasn’t been away from her family for more than one night.

The girls arrive at the Miami mansion and Shamea is there waiting for them, wearing her next-to-nothing two piece, and has already selected her room. Say what? Hope it’s not the master because it’s already been determined that Kandi will get that room since she’s with-child. There’s also pecking order, don’t forget, and Sha-maymay, you at the bottom. Fortunately, Shamea has chosen the maid’s quarters for her room so no one has any complaints. Kim isn’t up for arguing over a room and places her things down in the smaller living room, calling it hers. Something tells me Kim is probably okay to sleep on the couch because she’ll be checking out early.

Downstairs, Tammy and Kim are talking while some of the other ladies are upstairs making fun of Tammy. Have you noticed that Tammy walks like a penguin? Kenya demonstrates and it’s pretty funny. But onto serious business, Kenya informs Sheree that Tammy’s been throwing serious shade her way. Flashbacks are shown of the car-ride when Tammy said Sheree only married Bob because he played for the Atlanta Falcons. I don’t believe that for one moment. I’m sure Sheree would have also married Bob if he played for the New England Patriots or the Dallas Cowboys. Sheree is shocked that anyone would not like her.

It’s time for dinner, and Shamea, girl, what are you wearing? The dress she has on reminds me of those beach cover-ups with the fake bodies painted on. Just plain weird. Kandi is hungry and getting cranky that everyone is taking so long to get beautiful. Finally it’s time to go the restaurant, who inform the ladies they will be dining in a private room – because they’ve obviously seen the show before and know things can get turned up mighty fast.

During dinner, Kim announces she may not make it through the entire trip and might go home early. So far she’s only cried once, at home, before she left. Cynthia tells everyone she and Peter are doing all right and he’s making an effort. Cynthia doesn’t mention the need to go home early. That’s crazy talk.

Sheree tells Tammy she’s heard that Tammy has a problem with her. Tammy says no problem, but explains that she and Bob have been friends for a long time and Tammy didn’t like how the press was killing Bob – like saying he wasn’t taking care of his kids. Sheree flat out asks Tammy if she slept with Bob. After the purposely-placed commercial break, Tammy says, hell no. There is nothing about Bob that Tammy finds attractive, so she says. Porsha wants to know who told Sheree that Tammy doesn’t like her. Sheree points to Kenya and Kenya corrects them. She didn’t say, didn’t like. Once again, we are subjected to the same flashback of the car conversation with Tammy talking smack about Sheree marrying Bob because he was a Falcon.

Kim can’t believe these are grown-ass women talking like this. Cynthia thinks it’s squashable because it was so long ago that Tammy told Bob not to marry Sheree. Kim asks the group if there is a difference between instigation and information. Not really, Kim, in this group they have the same meaning. Things are getting off to a shaky start in Miami, but fortunately everyone is going to bed and tomorrow is a new day.

It must be Sunday because Kim is listening to her gospel music by the pool, praising Jesus. Phaedra stops by and they discuss last night’s messiness. Little do they know, Kenya and Sheree are upstairs discussing that very same topic. Suddenly no one is upset with Tammy, but with Kim for her information/instigation remark. Good thing there’s a boat trip 2.0 planned for the day. Everyone knows that boat rides promote good feelings amongst the ladies. #moresarcasm

Before they launch, the ladies strut there stuff down the staircase in the beachwear. Phaedra and Porsha win the trashy award for their ripped dresses they must have purchased at the novelty sex shop they visited two episodes ago. Kandi can’t go because her doctor doesn’t want her to be in the sun. Too bad the trip was planned in a city that’s known for it’s hot days and hotter nights. The rest of the ladies twirl their way onto the yacht and Shamea does a headstand leg-split. You can take the girl out of the ghetto…

The boat docks at a Latin restaurant where the ladies immediately get their drinks and dancing on with the local men. Everyone except Kim. She walks off in tears because she doesn’t get it. Phaedra follows Kim because she doesn’t get what Kim doesn’t get. Kim explains she would prefer to share this fun time with her husband, Chris, and not a bunch of loose women. Phaedra reminds Kim this trip is about finding herself. Kim tells Phaedra she’s pretty sure she’s not going to find herself inside a Latin restaurant. Phaedra gets teary-eyed because she’s never had a relationship with Apollo like Kim has with Chris. Kim is appreciative that Phaedra is a grown-ass woman for being able to take a moment and reach out to a friend in need.

Back inside, the women are teasing Porsha’s new friend Oliver, who is not black coffee which Porsha prefers, but a Latin-roasted blend. When asked, Oliver says he would like to have kids with Porsha – because he doesn’t know her yet. Tammy is missing and only Cynthia gives a dayum. When Tammy reappears she is with her two “nephews” Glen the professional baller and Jaron his little friend, Kenya zeroes in on Glen and tells him to take a seat.

Back on the boat, they ladies take their new, random friends with them. Porsha wants to play the drinking game, Never Have I Ever. Remember that game? You know, the one you played in college. Anyway, Kenya calls for Youngblood and snaps her fingers at Glen. He says with attitude, “Damn sure you ain’t snap at me.” Kenya apologizes and says she was just trying to get his attention. Well, obviously Kenya needs to find a better way to get his attention – like throw his ungrateful ass overboard.

Tune in next week for more tears, twerking, and tempers in Miami.

 

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