RECAP: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills “Yolanda Foster Goes Out Makeup-Free” [Season 6, Ep1]

I am OUT of the OC, and in Beverly, and I feel classier already! We kick off the premier episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills at Queen Lisa’s house, where we watch a cute catcher from the Dodgers arrive to teach Lisa how to aim a baseball. She is set to throw out the first pitch at a LGBT themed game, and as she practices in her yard, she imagines that A.J. Ellis is a more attractive version of her frozen and forgotten friend, Brandi. She hits the strike zone, as she shares that she is no longer bothering with ol’ Trash Bucket Glanville. 

We hop over to the other Lisa Rinna’s place, where we learn that she is prepping for a “Where are They Now” Oprah interview. Oprah won’t be there, but Lisa is still willing to hustle her butt off for anything, unless it involves diarrhea.  Lisa R’s energy is simply fab, and she is always entertaining. 

We check in with Eileen, another fan favorite. Eileen fills us in on what is going on in soap-opera land, while she emotionally adjusts to the shift from portraying a trashy daughter, to a trashy mother. We get a fun glimpse of the backstage makeup space, as Eileen laments her likely future as a trashy granny. Lisa comments that she hopes to be known for more than hawking soggy Depends. No worries Lisa…you stole the glass-smashing show, last season…your hustlin’ legacy is already epic! 

We join Kyle during moment of blissful material worship, then hop over to Yolanda, where we learn that she has been living in her love’s condo, close to her team of doctors. Gigi calls in, and we catch up with Yo’s superstar model daughter, who has not surprisingly, ditched college to strut the primo runways of the fashion world. 

Kyle meets up with Lisa V, while yammering about the ultra-fabulousness of their friendship. True enough, especially during those seasons when Kyle chose not to sell Lisa down the river. Interestingly, it appears that the duo hasn’t basked in their glorious sisterhood much since last season, as they begin to dish about Bravo’s disease pick for the franchise. Lisa asserts that she is simply questioning, not challenging Yo’s illness, as well as the bajillion treatments that she is capturing in pictures, and blasting all over Instagram. 

We join Yolanda in the midst of just such a treatment, while she catches us up on her battle  with neurological Lyme disease. Bravo plays back the barfy memories of the past months, as she lists off the treatments that she hopes will fix her body weakness and zero brain function. This revelation explains a lot, most especially, her ongoing friendship with Brandi. Yolanda has been around the globe, and likens her treatment pursuit to uncovering a murder mystery. Yo looks awful, and something certainly appears terribly off….and I don’t mean her crumbling love kingdom.We meet Angie Simpson, and after we gawk uncomfortably at a naked photo of the duo’s once canoodling offspring, Angie and Yo settle down to chat. 

Bravo reminds us of Yo and Ken’s past spat, and Lisa points out that Mohamed was the only common link between her and Yolanda. Kyle dishes about a project in the works based on her childhood, which certainly has the potential to be a scandalously sordid production. Kyle debuts an odd ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ look, while informing us that being in her mid-forties definitely qualifies as adulthood, especially when you’re rich. Kathy Hilton is worried about their dirty family secrets being aired, but Kyle doesn’t care, because she is a mother of four, and can rock a mean boingy ponytail. Kyle mentions her drunk sister’s Polo Lounge meltdown, bringing back those shockingly delish memories.

Bravo walks us through some of Kim’s greatest loony hits, making the viewers miss the good ol’ junkie days. Lisa V hopes that Kyle can actually detach from the train wreck one day. 

Lisa R invites Yo to a birthday dinner, and Yo agrees to drag out and attend, if she can bring Angie along for the ride. Yo launches into a gushing diatribe over her charitable jewel of a husband, who travels around the world to give of his majestic magnificence, unless you happen to be his diseased ball and chain. Yolanda expresses frustration over being forced to surrender to a less than lemony reality. I will admit to a soft moment, watching a mommy fight to stay strong for her children. Rats.    

Lisa and Ken are getting ready for the big game, as we rest our gazes on Lisa’s Taj Mahal inspired closet. Lisa throws out the pitch in a sparkly pink cap, and does a great job. 

We join Lisa R and her daughters on a shopping excursion, and learn that the girls are already learning how to hustle for a buck. The girls are growing into young ladies, and Lisa experiences bittersweet mommy emotions, intermingled with teen ass-envy. Eileen is shaking things up and redecorating, and offers a shout-out to that bitch Brandi, for rudely calling out her psycho aesthetic. Eileen’s father-in-law Dick Van Patten had recently passed, and Lisa R calls to extend her sympathy, noting that her time with her own father is dwindling.    

Everyone is gathering for Lisa’s birthday dinner, and Kyle kicks off the banter by blathering to Lisa R about her extravagant travel plans, and her luxury lovin’ honey. YAWN. Yolanda and Angie arrive at the dinner, and Kyle shallowly comments about Yo’s mind-boggling choice to pass on troweling on a mask of makeup. Lisa V arrives and makes a similarly obnoxious jab. Lisa V gifts Lisa R with some snazzy sunglasses, while Yo hacks and looks pitiful in the background. 

Ken expresses sympathy for David, for being forced to uphold the “in sickness” part of his marriage vows, while maintaining his professional glory. Yo begins to feel worse, so she excuses herself from the table and leaves. Everyone understands, and they are all obviously thrilled that she is gone, so they won’t have to endure the nightmare of natural skin. 

Cutie Harry Hamlin shows up, as Lisa proudly gushes over his professional success. He is on fire, except in Lisa’s phone, where he sits in the #16 flunky spot. Harry gives his wife some GORGEOUS earrings, and Eileen and Vinnie send their best wishes. The party continues to snark about Yolanda’s scandalous appearance, and Ken ups the obnoxious banter by admitting that he fibbed a compliment to graciously divert from Yo’s true hideousness. Lisa R comments that she was touched that Yo showed, and that it was brave of her to drop her glitzy armor. Yolanda is gorgeous, even bare-faced…just sayin.’

The show closes with Kyle and Mauricio having a convo about a certain  junkie relative who has a weakness for the dollar section at Target. Kyle shares that the sister struggle is real, and that it is difficult to cut Kim off. The couple agrees that Kim caused a lot of damage and that junkie love is super challenging…even when you’re rich.

The struggle continues next week, as the ritzy drama rolls on.

 

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