TLC welcomes us to this episode of Sister Wives with a happy indie melody, a musical backdrop to a day in the life on the Brown cult-de-sac. Kody informs us that one week has gone by since the joyful adoption of Robyn’s offspring. Christine and Robyn add that pulling off this coup was epic, especially because they had to follow lame, monogamous rules. Kody adds that the success was so amazing that they are shipping the children off to visit their dead beat father. The kiddos pack up, excited to visit their real father, while Robyn assures us that the timing of the trip is just coincidental, because normally her ex detests taking care of his children.
Robyn is worried, and comments that in spite of her children’s overjoyed excitement, their relationships with their dad are actually weak and negative. Kody is concerned, because seeing their father always causes the kids to “come back in a different spot.” Could that translate as “feeling wanted?” An adoption party is being planned for the minute the kids are transitioned back into the cultish Brown fold. Christine comments that their biological father and his family are actually swell, especially now that they can never sink their claws into Dayton, Aurora, or Breanna ever again. Kody admits that are all feeling territorial, as if we all didn’t notice.
We learn of a party planning meeting through Christine’s first hyena-like laugh of the episode. We jump to the gathering, where Kody gushes that one of the Browns’ most charming quirks is to continuously celebrate their king-sized family until they all want to puke. Kody and Robyn bicker over chicken wings, delighting the other women, with their sniping. The women all agree that one benefit of plural marriage is having others who agree that Kody is a crazy pain in the ass, who, by the way, certainly doesn’t deserve any stupid brisket.
Robyn is sorting photos for some plaque project, like this crew needs more gaudy plaques hanging on their walls. Kody oddly chokes up about missing so much of another man’s kids’ childhood, and hopes that more ugly wall decor makes up for all of those lost years. Robyn is proud that Kody is owning his sentimental craftiness. Happy, happy Christine greets Gerald the cement guy, who is planning to lay a slab of concrete in her backyard, to re-create the Brown handprint memorial. Christine squeals like a pig in heat at the idea of a million handprints in some cement, almost frightening poor Gerald away. Robyn meets up with a foreign internet artist who agrees to draw a weird sketch of Kody, manipulated into a family portrait, replacing the children’s biological father. She tries to explain to the artist what a plural family means, and the artist’s naughty eyes light up at the kinky possibilities. Robyn awkwardly grins, and tries to get his mind out of the gutter, as she explains the creepy project. The artist accepts the task, overjoyed at his first American job, and likely confused about his new country. \
Robyn’s kids return home, and Aurora describes the trip as amazing. Solomon is prancing around in a batman t-shirt, revealing Robyn as the crafty one. Robyn and Kody want the kids to “regulate” back to “normal”… a term I assume they use loosely. The tandem party planning continues, and it’s now Janelle’s turn to pitch in. She visits a bakery, stammers out her ideas, and the owners are thrilled to have their first freaky Vegas polygamous client. Kody picks up the plaque projects, and declares them awesome. They are dubbed as acknowledgments of Kody’s love and devoted fatherhood, all wrapped up in a tacky, sports bar package.
The concrete slab is being poured, and Christine is ready to hyperventilate with excitement. A precarious plank strategy is utilized to collect the handprints, and they one by one slam their hands in the cement. It is chaotic, but boringly rewarding. The family tree cake arrives and it’s cute. Sol agrees, rocking his second Batman t-shirt of the episode. Janelle has a breakthrough, and figures out that she actually IS excited about the adoptions, even though it took months for her to actually feel anything. Kody and Robyn have a touching monogamous camera moment, as they get excited for the big, sorta family, event. Robyn’s kids wrap gifts for Mare and Kody to thank them for agreeing to ditch their relationship so they could be Browns. Robyn pushes the kids to make Mare feel appreciated and loved, whenever she isn’t on her phone.
Mare shares that health issues coupled with some personal fishy problems are making her life stressful. Everyone is excited about the party, and the purple Party City tablecloths add the perfect touch to a truly weird event. The guests arrive, Kody makes a solemn speech, and prays over the children. The ceremony makes Breanna feel special, and like a true tribal Brownie-cult member. Kody gives the children their plaques, which are sure to add that perfect team sponsor touch to their rooms. Breanna tears up, which is considered miraculous, and Kody lovingly embraces his best girl, Aurora. The kids present Kody his watch, which scores Kodes another hug from Aurora. They give Mare the necklace, and she loves it, but admits to some unexpected “emotions,” as well as some pretty shifty internet habits. The extremely creepy portrait is presented, and all of the women strangely think that the bizarre gift is cool. A fancy dinner is served, and we get a glimpse of Christine’s party moo moo, as she shrieks for everyone to join her outside. The crowd treks across the street to see the handprints, and they all toast to Gerald and the slab. Kody closes by reminding us all to be thankful for the Brown chaotic heartbeats.
The Browns travel to Alaska next week, and reveal the sex of Robyn’s baby, like we are all holding our breaths. It looks like a certain slippery catfish may be be coming to the surface….we shall see!