The Real Housewives of Orange County’s reunion series rolled on last night, and while it was definitely challenging to find nuggets of interest, I did my best. Let’s start with what most normal people are not remotely interested in. They include… colonics, coffee enemas, butt searches, ostentatious wealth, ugly tree etchings, and Caitlyn Jenner impersonators.
Speaking of Meghan, Jim Edmonds makes an appearance, joining his wife on the Bravo sofa. The crackling chemistry between the couple reminds me of the heat shared between a generationally separated brother and sister. Jim looks dapper, in a priestly looking suit, minus socks. Jim thinks that the whole Housewife experience was weird, and wishes that he could have just stayed looking for his socks in a smelly locker room instead. He is embarrassed that his parental maneuvers with his trophy wife were televised, but Heather chimes in, assuring us that Jim is actually a cool old geezer.
Vicki gets caught for misspeaking about Brooks dissing the Edmonds marriage, but Jim isn’t called out for denying that the conversation ever occurred. Heather almost cracks her face over Vicki stating the obvious, namely that Tamra was acting like a disgusting excuse for a mother during her revolting sex party. Tamra humiliates her children on national television, but is somehow dubbed a “fabulous mother” by Owl Eyes Dubrow, while Vicki is hung out to dry for mumbling a snarky phrase. Indignant Heather was absolutely SICK over Vicki’s dastardly, though obvious opinion…forgetting that viewers were inwardly puking over the spectacle Tamra was making of herself. Meghan admits to a prenup, and Jim stifles a “DUH.” Jim wraps his segment by admitting to exploring the idea of children, hoping that his deep as the ocean love for Meghan, may trump the fact that he has been snipped.
Shannon is next, naturally droning on about Grey Goose, David’s affair, and the heavenly place pf marital bliss that she and her love-muffin share today. Heather brings us back to last season, and in a gotcha moment, admits that she was involved in that pivotal, Beador-affair gossip sesh. Heather exposes her shady side, after righteously commenting against gossip, during the season finale. Heather also directly denied being involved in any off-camera blabby hijinks, following the finale, on Twitter. All About the Tea took her on, in a lively virtual smackdown. Heather solidified our victory with her reunion admission, so thanks, Fancy Pants!
Briana joins the women on the Bravo sofa, and the gloves come off. Vicki shares that she and Brooks have split, and that they were both aware that they would not be together long-term. Vicki asserts that Briana is her priority, even when she lives states away, but Briana disagrees. Briana goes on to tell a gross story about Brooks hitting on her at her chunkiest, and Vicki’s shady defense of her lech lover. Tamra throws in with her typical and gleefully delivered trashy illustrations. She compares herself to Briana, as a fellow shunned by Vicki, defender of truth. We are then treated to a semi-icky interview between Andy Cohen and Brooks. Basically Brooks is a skeeze, and Briana pounds Vicki into submission with bird-flipping, cursing proof, so that she will never forget it.
The Bravo drumbeats get me every time, but this reunion continues to fail to deliver on the network’s drummed up hype. We are one week away from the finish line! Hang on…the nightmare is almost over!