RECAP: #SisterWives “Robyn’s Big Announcement” [Episode 9]

Sister Wives begins this week with a drone aerial shot of the Brown cult-de-sac, and the tots frolicking the day away.  We are reminded that Robyn’s ex had indeed given up his flesh and blood so they could be freely and joyously absorbed into the Brown harem. The Brown crew just needs to hit up Lawyer Ron to get the ball rolling in the Nevada courts. Christine reminds the audience that polygamists don’t generally win custody cases, even when the kids are handed over, gift wrapped. She is worried about a judge lumping them in with the extra-cultish Warren Jeffs, maybe believing that clans such as theirs are terrible environments for children. Kody, who appears to be growing a beer gut, is stressed out about the meeting. 

Ron breaks the unbelievable news that new Kody birth certificates will be issued, which causes most of the Browns to weep with surprised joy. The news that the birth father’s paternal past is being completely erased is emotionally  overwhelming, not to mention  disturbing. Mare fakes her reactions, and tries to contain her glares. Kody sweetly kisses Robyn’s hand, glancing over to practically fist bump good ol’ Mare.  Mare continues to appear clenched and scowling on the TLC sofa, as Robyn tearfully recollects the wrenchingly victorious divorce. Kody believes that the moment is somber, as he stands in humble awe at the realization that he and Robyn actually pulled off this crazy whammy. 

The couple gathers Robyn’s offspring to share the big news, and Kody tries to joke his way though the announcement. The kids are shellshocked by his stupid sense of humor, but hyperventilating Christine thinks that her Kodykins is simply hilarious.  The kids are overjoyed to hear of their new Brown status, and Kody boots the other wives out to announce spawn #18, in a truly revealing moment of monogamous love. The kiddos are overjoyed, and Kody and Robyn officially debut their solo married couple status on the TLC couch. They decide to flash back to Robyn’s last pregnancy announcement, where the news dropped like a lead balloon on the disgruntled plurals. Robyn is nervous about breaking the earth-shattering news again, forgetting that such occurrences should be expected on a polygamist cult-de-sac.  Robyn hopes for joy, but prepares for doom.

Speaking of doom, Meri is trying to decode a health issue, that has caused her to lose 30 pounds, all invisible to the naked eye. There have been lots of issues, including stomach pain, likely triggered by a douche ex-husband,  and eating too many bananas. Mare decides to just quit swallowing and keep losing weight, hoping that one day someone will notice. The doc drops the C bomb, and recommends a crazy-scary test called a “pap smear.” Mare hates these gyno exams, and the viewers catch an unwanted glimpse of Mare in stirrups. The doc says there is no obvious concern, other than phantom weight loss. The pro has no idea what’s going on, so she decides to just throw her hands up,  cheer up the mood, and pose for a Twitter fan pic. 

We jump to Kody and Christine, who have decided to follow up with Nancy the therapist, after the rock stacking disaster. Christine was peeved that the rock pile was about not about them as a couple, and that all of the rocks were shaped like Robyn’s face. Christine nails Robyn for being an argumentative hag, while still winning the heart shaped tower topper. Christine wants a voice, and is peeved that Robyn is allowed a loud, and super annoying one. Christine and Kody need to more effectively communicate about shutting Robyn up long enough for someone else to nag Kody into a corner. Nancy surmises that Christine needs to be “witnessed,” obviously another word for “noticed.” Kody has been overwhelmed by Christine’s complaining yammer, and all of her demands for a nod once in awhile. 

Back at the wet bar, Meri shares that Robyn spilled the tea about the baby, and that the fam is all having dinner together to share the possibly cataclysmic news. The teens are likely to take the news hard, because they were already tripping over toddlers the last time this happened. Robyn egotistically proclaims that the announcement will serve as a litmus test for the overall functional health of the family. They build up the news like the walls are about to cave in, while Robyn chickens out and oddly has Mare drop bomb #18, as she inwardly panics. 

Everyone cheers, and the Brown family is declared 100% functional and healthy, except maybe the orangey announcer. EVERYONE is overjoyed to welcome the new bundle, especially because most of the prior dissenters don’t live in the cult-de-sac anymore. Robyn becomes irritated when Kody tries to direct the kids’ joy, as they all vote to name the baby “Poop,” except Mare, who votes for “Sam.” Most of them think it’s a girl, or twin Kodys. Robyn shares that the pregnancy has been different and that she is stressed, like someone in America actually cares.  Janelle vows to help out, and they agree that their mini-mansions will sure make everything easier.

Robyn’s first doctor’s appointment is due, and she breaks out her most hideous ensemble for the big outing. Aurora and Breanna want to go along, and the happy traditional family trots off to the midwife’s office. The heartbeat is detected, and only one fetus is identified. Robyn stupidly comments that she uniquely believes that a strong fetal heartbeat is a good thing. No one addresses the episode elephant in the room, namely Robyn’s white stitched jeans. Aurora bursts into tears, either at the public denim embarrassment, or the beauty of a pee-wee Brown. 

Next week, it looks like TLC may be pulling another whammy edit, and launching into some fishy damage control.  Don’t miss it!   

 

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