Ready to resuscitate the drama? The ladies of Married to Medicine have gathered for Part 1 of the Reunion show. Andy Cohen is the specialist trying to control the women, but his skills are clearly outnumbered. On the left couch (sitting closest to Andy) Heavenly, Lisa-Nicole, Toya; and the right couch (sitting closest to Andy) Simone, Quad, Jackie.
The women are wearing either white or black dresses and shoes to die for. Lisa Nicole’s “costume” that she designed is squeezing her breasts together like they are conjoined twins. And what’s up with Toya? Girl, you ain’t on the Tonight Show. Your body and legs should be toward Andy.
We begin with flashbacks of Dr. “Hell-venly” throwing shade at all the ladies because they deserve it and she’s perfect. Ain’t nothing on her. No ma’am. Did I mention, Heavenly’s perfect? She’s even throwing shade at Jackie, like how she has a body like a boy. Jackie said, and I quote, she doesn’t look like a busted can of biscuits. Heavenly confesses her envy of Jackie for always keeping her composure. No word if Heavenly realizes that envy is one of the seven deadly sins.
Onto Dr. Simone and Toya’s mess, flashbacks are shown of last year’s reunion when Toya called Simone a bad mom. Toya apologized and said Simone made a “bad move.” Simone then points out some of Toya’s “bad moves” like drinking wine at a children’s play date. Toya gets real with her childhood issues and says she hates not having a voice or being heard. Simone helps a sister out and tells Toya her best trait is how she doesn’t hold grudges. The tissues come out for Simone when she speaks of getting in touch with her alcoholic dad. They haven’t spoken in two years. And the probably still haven’t.
What’s a background check among friends, right? Did you know that Lisa also ran one on Heavenly and Mariah? Girl is paranoid! Lisa apologizes to Quad if the background check offended her. It was for business. Mmm-hmm. Business. Quad didn’t ask Lisa to invest in her business. Lisa admits to Quad that since she turned on Mariah last season faster than a thrown glass of water, she ran the background check? Purely by accident, Andy has gotten a straight answer from one of these biotches. It’s a miracle! His bff Anderson Cooper will be so proud.
Moving on to the Quad/Lisa smack-down. We get to relive the whole thing again. The accusations, the lies, the throwing, pushing and shoving. Not classy. Quad explains that tongue tussling to the end is okay, but no hands on the body. Lisa has regrets, but Quad struck a nerve when she lied about Darren’s illegitimate children. That was low down and dirty, even Heavenly agrees. Quad says all Lisa had to do was deny the allegations. Like Quad’s all civilized now and it’s so easy to just say no.
Quad starts running her mouth like it’s in a marathon. Andy is trying to ask a question, but good luck with that. Jackie has to tell Quad twice to calm down. He asks about the lesbian relationship between Quad and Mariah that Lisa brought up. Lisa didn’t find this in her background check, y’all, this was pure street gossip. Quad says, “Girl, bye. I can read you for days.”
Jackie and Simone give a pep talk about owning your shit in order to move on. Lisa apologizes again to Quad for her actions that day. Andy asks Quad if she accepts Lisa’s apology. Again. And again. And again. He mutters something about slitting his eyes out because Quad is preaching, and takes that as a no. Quad lamely tell Lisa it was wrong of her, but won’t say, “I’m sorry.” Seriously? Just own it. Remember Jackie and Simone’s speech? Heavenly blames Jackie for not stopping this nonsense sooner. Andy calls both Quad and Lisa “messy.” But Toya shuts it down when she says, “They’re both wrong!” Boom! Drop the microphone, girl, and walk away. Quad finally gives a full on apology to Lisa.
Andy tosses the ladies some softball questions, but quickly changes the tone when he mentions Jill. We stroll down memory lane of bitterness between Jill and Heavenly. Jill was invited to the reunion, but #shocker, declined. Her mug shot and magazine covers, the kind you don’t want, are flashed. Andy asks Toya about Jill. Toya says Jill was locked up for three days after things got all ratchet between she and Dr. John after he accused her of cheating. Jill hasn’t seen her kids in 31 days and is staying with her parents.
This chokes up all of the ladies. They dab their eyes, praying for Jill and that this never happens to them. Heavenly may not have liked the “dumb bitch” but she didn’t want this for Jill. Heavenly says she loves her kids more than Daddy and that she tried to tell Jill of the importance for a woman to have her own money. Andy busts Lisa for the tacky tweet she posted after a fan sent her Jill’s mug shot, suggesting Jill had something to do with the strip club set up after all. Yes, Lisa, because Jill’s most publicly devastating moment in life is all about you.
Heavenly thinks Jill was acting out all season long and that’s why she was the way she way, all unintelligent and stuff. Toya thinks Heavenly is reaching and defends her friend Jill by saying, “She’s just dingy.”
Finally, Mariah has been given the nod to come to the stage. She’s been getting ready in her dressing room, watching the show from there, making judgments. Mariah is seated at the end of the couch, next to Jackie. When Andy asks Mariah if she has anything to say about what she’s seen so far, we the viewers are thinking, you bet your ass Mariah has something to say. Unfortunately for us we have to wait until next week. Dayum!
Tune in next week when Mariah gets her revenge turn to speak.