Sister Wives begins tonight, with the Browns sitting down with Robyn’s kids to break the news that Robyn is now queen of the cul-de-sac, and the kids will soon be Kody’s prince and princesses. Kody is worried about his busy week, and is committed to being a daddy, ditching his regular shtick, as a furrowed browed warrior. The kids hear the news, and are overjoyed at canning their own dad for a more a televised version. They hug their new father, as Mare chokes back the tears, either overwhelmed by her own generosity, or grieving her stupid decision. We hear touching anecdotes about Robyn’s fatherless kids, with meaningful background piano accompaniment. Nice touch, along with the mid-February Christmas decor, TLC. Next the huge question about whether or not to nurture the next generation of hair worshipers is answered, when Robyn and Kody make the heart wrenching decision to cut Solomon’s locks. Kody gets teary at losing his baby to the dreaded shears, so a giggly plan is hatched to knock out #18. Kody and Robyn gasp over Sol’s cute haircut, as Robyn remarks that having a baby with Kody, may be like doing it with a grandpa. The two of them shoot each other googly eyes, obviously dreaming of getting the party started. YUCK.
Hunter is competing in the Nevada state wrestling tournament, and some of the Brown bunch is going to cheer him on. The wives and Kody banter about the silly wrestling outfits, and labor over crucially boring driving decisions. Kody only tolerates negotiations with Robyn, so he sicks Christine on difficult Janelle, and they talk about travel logistics until I am almost dozing off. The wives manage much better minus Kodes, as we all would. Hunter is a returning state champ, and is favored to win again this year. Hunter needs to be victorious to attract colleges, and Kody explains the rules, and commentates the match, like people are actually listening. Hunter keeps slaying, in his fetching baby blue onesie, and Billy Ray Cyrus haircut. Christine comments that two guys deeply embracing is sorta gross, and they all titter scandalously over the expression “deep grind.” The siblings commiserate over Kody’s Hunter worship, and the judgmental nature of people who think that having seventeen kids is pushing it. Kody manages to slip in that he won the title by pinning an undefeated opponent, back in his glory days. Like warrior like son, because Hunter takes the title, and Kody’s mini-me is victorious. Congrats Hunter!
It’s time to build a playground, as we hear that Robyn shockingly questioned if plural marriage was a healthy choice for her kids. Christine has been critical of Kody’s parenting, but the kids’ teachers are pushing for 20 more Browns to swarm their school. Probably no worries there. Kody pulls off the playground, and is hoping to connect more effectively with his distant girls. Janelle suggests that speaking to his daughter once a day would be peachy. The four older girls weren’t at the playground party, and this no-brainer comes as a shock to Kodes, who decides to take the girls to a California beach as an alternative.
Janelle shares that her daughter Madison has decided to be baptized into the LDS Church. Kody tries to explain that they have their own special elite religion, one that allows harems, and hair worship. Madison is peacing out of the freak show, and supposedly may have to denounce her family. Kody admits that their whole congregation is the church of Brown, and her siblings are supportive of her escape from it’s shady walls. Christine thinks that Maddie is jumping into the decision too quickly, and throws all kinds of shade at the Mormon Church. Kody has broken out his warrior ponytail to mentally grapple with Madison’s shocking defection.
Robyn and Kody explain that they have filed the adoption request in Montana. The maneuver is wise, because the judges are sympathetic to plural families there, and it is also super considerate to ask Robyn’s ex to relinquish all rights to his children, without having to drive anywhere. Robyn insists that due to the forgiven debt they are offering her ex, giving up his flesh and blood is a terrific bargain. Sasha the lawyer says that’s it’s a no-go, because the kids live in Nevada. Kody and Robyn hope that her ex doesn’t have to step foot in Nevada, but if they have to go to war, Kody the battling state champ, will deep grind it to the mat for the kiddos. Things will get bad, REAL bad, so Robyn’s ex had better take cover. Mare offers support, by scowling in the corner, leaking a weird phantom giggle. Kody grabs his rubber band and readies his hair for battle, as Robyn clenches out an adoring grin.
An hour of straight Janelle follows, sure to convince the TLC viewers that it is NOT all about Robyn, and her googly eyes. It doesn’t convince me. Next week, Christine gets the spotlight…after all, it’s only fair to squeeze them all in, before #18 snaps all eyes back to Queen Robyn. See you then!