The Real Housewives of Orange County drearily begins with a girls dinner with Heather and Meghan. Meghan dishes that Hayley threw a 200 person party at her mom’s house while all four parents were out of town, (the girl’s no dummy), and the house got trashed. Meghan is shocked that Hayley is disrespecting the rules, but not surprised that pushover LeAnn dropped the ball on the punishment.
We jump to Tamra’s house where Tamra’s mom is being dragged away from Bravo reruns long enough to go out on a date. Tamra hooked her up with matchmakers, and is helping her get ready for Marty, her soul-make out mate. She looks great, but the whole thing is weird, and I really don’t care about another slutty generation making the rounds. Tamra and Ryan are going to stake out and spy on the great granny, to get an encouraging glimpse of Tamra’s dating future.
Shannon arrives to join Heather and Meghan, and nasally bleats out her grey goose with a side of entree order. Shannon has given Meghan a helping hand with her diagnostic decisions for LeAnn, so now Meghan has decided that her nemesis is cool. Shannon announces the next bi-weekly bitch-fest soiree, and Meghan’s first response is to question if her least favorite cast member’s boyfriend will be attending. Meghan goes off the deep end and proudly announces that she has crossed over into stalker territory, posing as a masked cancer patient to uncover the scoop on Brooks’ doctor. Meghan righteously declares that she is bound and determined to passionately bust this cancer story wide-open, because she is in the ultra-unique position of having loved ones with cancer. Heather and Shannon fail miserably at nailing her to the wall for acting like a meddlesome freak, and add fuel to the overstepping gossip. The women know that Brooks’ flat tires aren’t their business, but Shannon was asked to help, making Brooks’ lame excuses for not jumping on the precious gift, simply unacceptable. I really wish they would all just have another drink and shut up.
It’s dating, senior style, as Tamra, Sandy, and Ryan go into the bar to wait for Marty. Marty arrives, and Ryan thinks that Gramps is a legit silver fox for his grandma, but Tamra thinks he looks like a ready to collapse geezer. Tamra breaks the bad news to Ryan that the $8k is actually a loan, and blames Simon for prematurely forcing maturity on her young adult son. Ryan thinks that Eddie should stay out of where his money lands, reminds her that his whole life is a struggle, including the idea of marriage to his Instagram honey. Ryan admits that he jumped the gun committing to a giant family, and that being buried in girls, kinda blows. Tamra wants the church to emotionally bail out a second generation, and Ryan assures her that he’s trying to get it together…again.
We hop over to Shannon, who is getting ready to grey goose it up, Aries style. Vicki and Brooks are preparing for the party, and Vicki looks amazing. Over at Meghan’s, she is breaking the news to her
over-it husband that his wife is an undercover, cuckoo stalker concerned. Jim tells her to shut it, speaking for 99% of the Bravo audience. Shannon tells David that she is nervous about cancer convo fireworks, and David holds his breath, crosses his fingers, and gently tells her to shut it as well.
Shannon’s pool deck looks like World Market exploded all over it, so the party mood is set to go. The guests arrive, including Ryan, who is evidently escaping his estrogen nightmare for the evening. Meghan waves at the only one happy to see her, the pool dragon, and Jim rolls his eyes. Heather’s left ear looks as if it’s magnetic, and is attracting oriental scrap hardware. Tamra breaks a glass which brings the women flocking over to chatter, and she jumps at the chance to kick off the blabber party, as usual. They rehash the same old Brooks’ accusations for the millionth time, and Heather and Shannon are struggling with how to stay loyal to Vicki, forgetting that changing the subject, or just canning it may be an option.
Meghan dubs herself a pro internet scourer and frightens everyone, when she shares how she tracked down an ex of Brooks’, actually texting her to beg for dirt. Meghan told this woman that she is extremely concerned for her ex-love, and just wants to innocently learn more about his dirty lies. The women’s jaws drop, but continue to flop at calling out a busybody who has clearly crossed over into obsessed crazy-town. Tamra hates having any reason to not like Brooks, but will continue to eagerly await her intern’s next psycho-creeper report.
Brooks found out about every detail of the intrusion, via his ex, and rightly calls the violation deplorable. The obnoxious and repetitive chattering is raging, as Vicki and Brooks arrive. Vicki and Brooks approach the women, as the group switches gears, to fake acting like adults. Brooks pulls Meghan and Jim aside, to deal with the mess, and Meghan is nervous about Papa Jim finding out that she never zipped it. Brooks calmly blasts Meghan head on, and with Vicki by his side, attempts to reason with the overhyped, adolescent nut. Meghan continues her buttinski blather, and Brooks exhibits the patience of a saint. Brooks gently insists that he owes her no explanation, and Vicki begs for a blessed break. Meghan jumps from apples to oranges, and blames her behavior on Vicki, for insulting her marriage, and calling her crazy, forgetting that her original motive was huge concern for cancer patients around the globe. Vicki agrees that she indeed pegged her as a clueless lunatic, but wonders why Brooks was targeted. Brooks points out that his ex thinks that Meghan is a loon, and the loon explains that she loves knowledge so much that she will stop at nothing to become anyone’s worst nightmare. Meghan switches it up again, and questions Brooks about Tamra’s juicy tattletale nugget about her marriage struggles. Brooks denies ever telling Tamra that Jim was dissing his wife, while Jim twitches nervously from behind Meghan’s back. Guy code, Meghan…Google it. Brooks tells her to consider the source…which puzzles Meghan, but she proudly cracks the cryptic 5th grade phrase in her talking head. Vicki begs her to shut her big yapper, and Meghan declines, reminding her of her virtuous mission to mercilessly torture anyone in her path, until a cure for cancer is discovered.
Meghan proudly runs right to her mentor and giddily blathers out her dimwit questioning of Brooks, waiting for permission to crouch down, for her pat on the head. A mortified Jim tells her to stop, while Tamra runs away in a dramatic frenzy, proclaiming that all bets are off with anyone who dare not consider her a rock solid source of truth. She screeches for Brooks to confront him, and Vicki reminds her that she was the blabbermouth, not Brooks. Tamra pounces on Brooks, while Eddie eats in the background, clearly numbed to her tacky histrionics. Vicki points out that she is acting like a foolish ass, and Tamra tries to sell that blabbing gossip is actually extremely supportive. Meghan watches the display with admiration in her eyes, a grasshopper learning from her manipulative master.
Lisa Rinna makes an appearance next week, and is sure to be a breath of fresh air…and just when we need it the most!