They’re BAAACK! Our favorite polygamist crew is back at it, and as we kick off a new season, we rewind a little, and join Kody and Meri in their lawyer’s office pulling off their undercover switcheroo. Lawyer Ron oversees the divorce paper signing, while Meri sniffles and tries to keep her snot from dripping and smudging the ink. Meri pompously announces that the Browns “need to have complete and total legal claim” on Robyn’s kids, making this maneuver absolutely necessary.
Robyn describes the horror of her children’s neglectful father, and squeezes out a few victory tears as she expressively describes the poignant beauty of the signing ceremony. She then verbally switches gears, and decides that the signing was painful, actually hurting HER. Wow.
The anger-inducing divorce will be final in about a month, and Kody takes Meri out for a rare alone night, to celebrate the furious injustice. Meri basks in the unfamiliar attention, rationalizing that at least she got a solo meal with her shaggy-haired ex out of the deal. During a sit-down, Meri says that she wants to be left out of the remarriage brouhaha, but Robyn points out that the weirdness is truly a unifying thing of inclusive beauty. Meri responds by throwing out a few “sure, sures” while cringing, looking like she just wants to stick her fingers in her ears, and lalalala her way through it. Meri helpfully recommends a drive thru wedding, performed by an Elvis midget, hoping to drag the event into the Vegas gutter. Kody keeps reminding us that this is simply about the adoption, while overworking his most seriously furrowed brow.
Janelle wants to address the long time hatred between she and Meri, and now that Meri has been knocked down to equal mistress status, she believes that counseling may be worth a shot. Christine cheerfully reminds the viewer that sister wives often loathe each other, so this dynamic is completely normal. Meri tries not to cringe at the suggestion, but agrees to chat. Meri tells us that the duo has always shoved their issues aside, as she stares stone-faced at Janelle. Meri has felt shut down by Janelle, and Janelle explains that shutting her down is her special way of ignoring her whining, and is just part of her personality. Janelle practically begs for therapy induced peace, while Meri barely flinches. Janelle seems to be growing in awareness, and fingers-crossed, in her possible development of an escape plan. The women agree that they have emotional mistrust issues, and hope to reach a healthy, co-mistress comfort zone.
The news comes through that Kody and Meri are officially over, on a silly, scrap of paper. Meri tells herself that spiritual eternity is all that matters, but feels a deep emotional loss anyway. The demoted wife blathers on and on about how unimportant this whole paperwork split is, but then describes her fierce and unexpected anger, proving the obvious and crucial importance of the document. Robyn is aghast that she is finding out about the finalization before Kody, but is happy that “the sucker is done.” Meri shares that she has now adjusted, and thinks she that can be a remarriage team player, without sobbing uncontrollably, or becoming sick to her stomach. Robyn is happy about her change of heart, and Kody is called away from his tireless devotion to wife #3, to hear the big news.
Kody is happy that process #1 is over, and eagerly leaps into shutting Meri out of process #2, twisting the icy knife hard. Meri wants to witness the legal remarriage, asserting it to be just a shuffle, albeit a romantic one, of paperwork. Kody axes that idea, and truly desires to cut the guest list to two, and then forget the shady, dream-come-true day ever happened. Either Meri and Robyn are actually on the same page, or Kody and Robyn have their good-cop, bad-cop routine down pat. Kody is definitely sure that he is 100% right, so the decision is made. Meri feels rejected, and clean-it-up Kodes obviously just wants a cozy courthouse moment with his new bride.
About a month later, the couple works to stifle their giggly joy as they sneak off alone to get married. They bravely, selflessly and protectively ignore the rest of the harem, as they meet up and do the deed, off camera. Janelle and Christine remind me the funny old men muppets in the theater box, as they interject clueless, peanut gallery commentary. Kody sports his snazziest ponytail, and Robyn is wearing a drapery-chic upholstered top.
We learn that the office was splendidly lackluster, in an insignificant ceremony which triggered Robyn to weep with joy. We flash back to Robyn and Kody’s REAL, and legally meaningless wedding, and reminisce over the true beauty of that day. A special aired during the next hour, amusingly labeled RAW….in other words, a regurgitation of old clips, and tired anecdotes. That was FOUR HOURS of frolicking polygamy in one night, reminding us of all that TLC has riding on this mess.
Let the fun begin…at least in the dirty background, of the Brown bunch!