RECAP: Real Housewives of New York Reunion [Part 3]

Can you believe it? The end is here. The fat lady has sung. The Real Housewives of New York season 7 is over. If you found yourself asking, what about the argument over Carole’s ghostwriter? Or what about Luann lunging at Carole? You are not alone. In fact, you might be asking if this were RHOC, RHONJ, RHOA, or RHOBH (and it didn’t involve Lisa V) would Bravo and Andy Cohen have cut those scenes? Something to ponder.

In the meantime, there’s one last reunion show to cover and the heat begins with Sonja. After her “most embarrassing moments” montage is shown, Andy begins with her clothing line that finally was. If anyone’s interested, the gold lamé dress that Sonja’s wearing is available at her website—hopefully your event is six weeks away.

Here’s the story with Madonna. According to Sonja, Madonna was right outside and only her manager was able to get inside the fashion show. According to Bethenny, Madonna was at the British Music Awards. Andy is confused as to why Madonna couldn’t get through security. Next they discuss the comment Sonja made about Luann’s clothing line, “It’s for the masses, not the classes.” Sonja apologizes but the best part is when Luann asks Sonja if she loves her green, sparkly, spandex dress, because it’s from her “masses” collection. Sonja says she loves it, but I’m not sure I believe her.

There is more arguing about Sonja’s international business, who gets paid, who doesn’t. Sonja is taking baby steps with distribution, but she’s realizing her dream, so those bitches can stick it for doubting her. Unfortunately, there are still no solid plans for a toaster oven, but Sonja did apologize to Kristen for that spectacle during the season finale concerning the interview Kristen gave. Vindication for Kristen.

Carole and “Doris,” the widows, bonded like two spiders spinning a web of healing into a warm pillow only they can share. Dorinda shared a story of meeting Carole for the first time at her book signing party for What Remains, four months after her husband Richard passed away. Carole asks her, “Did I hug you?” which kind of sounds like Carole doesn’t remember this first meeting. Next, Andy asks Carole and Dorinda what their husbands would say about being on the show. Carole’s husband would say, “What have you gotten yourself into now?” and Dorinda’s husband would be “enthusiastic” because that’s how he was with everything she did.

As the women discuss rebranding death, it’s pointed out that Ramona has fallen asleep. Andy wakes her and she’s genuinely embarrassed. Andy promises to wake Ramona if anything happens regarding her, but he’s supper excited because Ramona is the first person to ever fall asleep or walk off a set. The all-star trendsetter. I think the gauntlet has now been thrown. Good luck to the upcoming reunion shows who try to top this. (No props please.) Andy gushes over how much he loves the New York ladies. (Especially, Carole. She’s his fav.)

Andy then asks Dorinda how Richard would feel about her dating John since the two knew each other. She says he’d “laugh his ass off.” Did you know that people only laugh for two reasons? One is out of surprise; the other is out of nervousness. Which one do you think Richard would be laughing from? I’m just asking because I have no idea. Maybe a combination?

Well, it took three reunion shows to get to the Turks & Caicos, but we are here at long last, ready to deconstruct what went wrong. Starting with, Bethenny yelling STFU at Sonja on that first night. Bethenny said it was out of frustration but she will never make that mistake again. She’s over helping Sonja. Sonja says she was very hurt that Ramona lied about Bethenny calling her an alcoholic. The new beginnings Ramona acknowledges that she threw Bethenny under the bus, though she doesn’t apologize for it.

Onto the parts that matter and that’s the naked guy in the house. First, Luann points out that the married guy she was with, the one wearing a wedding ring, was getting a divorce. Mmm-hmm. I can’t believe she fell for that either, as savvy as she is with the opposite sex. Bethenny is just happy that somebody got laid that week.

In a rare moment of owning up to stuff, Ramona admits to cock-blocking Carole and Bethenny from the owner of the bar so she could manipulate two hours of his life that he will never get back. Ever. And she’s just getting started. Next Ramona tells what went down that night.

After they met the guys and brought them back to play loud music and drink more alcohol, around four in the morning, the one guy wanted to pass out. At this time, Luann and the married guy had gone for a “walk on the beach.” Ramona forgot about the empty bedroom on the first floor and sent him up to the second floor by Heather with strict instructions not use the bathroom and to be gone before the other women woke up. What we didn’t see was after the naked guy got up and dressed, he apparently ate breakfast with the chef. Ramona says she didn’t make out with the naked guy, but I’m not sure I believe her. Kristen finds her voice and says, “Ramona, like that was really gross and like disgusting and you totally broke girl code because you are like sooo sloppy.”

Bethenny shuts this down and explains that if they had been robbed, then they can make those claims, otherwise get over yourself. They aren’t going to sit at home and play Old Maid. Unless, of course, it’s strip-Old Maid. Luann goes back to her girl code rule (thankfully she didn’t sing) and it’s pointed out to her that sleeping with a married man is also breaking girl code. Boom! There it is.

Andy brings up the Johnny Depp pirate in St. Bart’s, basically saying, “Girl, why didn’t you learn your lesson then?” Bethenny in rapid fire explains that Luann did learn her lesson then and that Heather and Carole were purposely trying to bust her. Luann felt like it was a violation of her privacy to barge in her room with a camera crew. Hello, Luann. You are on a reality show. There are cameras everywhere. Heather admits to being emotional because she was worried about safety. Again, there are cameras everywhere. In hindsight, Ramona wishes she had told the guy to sleep outside. So do we, Ramona. So do we. Heather apologizes to Luann and they hug it out. Then the whole thing turns into a ridiculous hugfest.

Champagne is brought out and Andy declares that it’s been a real girl-bonding thing this season. Bethenny says that this year wasn’t as dirty or nasty as she thought it would be and they will all go out to dinner afterwards, and not because they have to, but because Bethenny will most likely pick up the check. They toast to being cool and not uncool.

Thanks for reading my recaps for the past 22 weeks! I had a lot of fun writing them and your support means the world. Special thanks to those who left comments.

Tune in Sept 7 when I recap “Ladies of London” and take the piss out (make fun) of the cheeky (sassy) upper class birds (women) who swim across the pond (the Atlantic).

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