Welcome back to the Edison Ballroom for reunion show #2 of the Real Housewives of New York City. Everyone is still wearing their unfortunate fashion decisions and sitting in their same spots. Andy begins with a viewer question that asks Carole if she knew Luann would have objected so strongly to her dating Adam, would she still have pursued him? Carole says no, and surprisingly isn’t struck by lightening. She explains that Luann didn’t object to them right away, not even when they were sitting in each others laps that weekend in the Hamptons. Andy basically tells Luann that Carole is not a mind-reader.
Luann tells Carole she is no longer welcome at her home in the Hamptons. Carole tells Luann she no longer cares, she’s tired of being trashed in the media by Luann and now all the cabbie’s in NYC know her business. Luann then informs Heather that she has problems with her, too, but no word if Heather’s Hampton visitations have been revoked.
Next up for flashbacks and destruction discussion is newbie, Dorinda, who apparently likes her martinis like she likes her man: very dirty. Andy asks if John was inappropriate or was he just being “handsy” with the other women. Ramona thinks John isn’t good enough for Dorinda and Bethenny is gun-shy because John’s made no secret that he wanted his dry cleaning business on the show. Kristen flat out calls John inappropriate, and tries to find her voice, but incessantly gets cut off by Dorinda’s diatribe. Kristen posed topless (yawn). Kristen should have called 911 (as if). Kristen swam in her pool (what?). When Andy finally gets Dorinda to shut up, Kristen explains that Ramona was the shit-stirrer, not her.
Andy then discusses the ongoing twitter war between Dorinda and Heather. Heather says it’s all Dorinda’s fault because she has a split personality. Especially in the Turks & Caicos. The FU dinner is mentioned as well as the #yourmomsproud response from Heather. It’s a #reallydumbarguement. Bethenny yells #whatswrongwithyouguys. Dorinda thinks Heather is #condescending and #preachesinsteadofteaches.
For the second time of the evening, Kristen tries to speak up. She points out to Dorinda that she like had five too many dirty martinis and she like has a gangster underbelly of anger. Tough words for a girl who claims she’s like not the sharpest tool in the shed. Dorinda says she only had one drink that day. This was a lol moment, don’t you think? One drink? Hahaha. That Dorinda, she’s too much. Everyone agrees that Dorinda can lash out. A retreat to the Berkshires for Dorinda and Heather is penciled in for next season’s storyline…if neither is fired or quits.
The next grouping of flashbacks illustrated the ladies’ sexual prowess in hyperdrive. An update on Sonja and her young man, Dominik, brings sad news. They are no longer dating. All together now, “Aww…say it isn’t so.” Yes. It is so. Sadly, their nine month courtship has come to an end. Sonja didn’t elaborate on what may have caused their unconscious uncoupling, but I’m sure it had nothing to do with their age difference. They simply grew apart.
Best line of the night goes to Bethenny for saying that Luann “does some of her best work in the restroom.” A little below the belt? Perhaps. It’s not like we all don’t know Luann has a really healthy sexual appetite. However, she too has parted ways with her young man, Erik, who was a walker. Not a hooker, more like an escort who accompanies women to events. If money exchanges hands it wasn’t mentioned.
Bethenny says she doesn’t chase men and likes the type of unfamewhore men that are coming her way. Because let’s face it, one person with these qualities in the relationship is enough. Andy asks if Carole and Bethenny ever made good on Carole’s sex dream. Carole says she’s not interested in helping Bethenny “loosen up” though Bethenny is her type, though she’s not taken a dip in the lady-pond, though she has admitted to threesomes in the past. So which is it Carole?
Interesting side note. Andy informed everyone that this is the first year in all seven that Luann and Ramona are seated next to each other. In years past they wouldn’t even sit on the same coach, let alone together. Bethenny thinks Luann is now the anti-countess and should write a book, The Cool Countess. (Bad advice.) Bethenny also recommends that Ramona drop her Catholic school-girl act when it comes to dating. (Good advice.)
Ramona, who has difficulty owning up to anything, admits to Andy she’s had a boob job. She then apologies for how she handled the topic of Mario during last season’s reunion show. Andy takes this as his cue to ask whatever embarrassing question his heart desires. He asks about busting Mario at their Hamptons’ home with his mistress. Ramona found writing about Mario to be very “car-thartic.” (I couldn’t find the definition, but I believe it means: psychological relief through the expression of strong emotions while riding in a car. But don’t quote me.)
Anyway, Ramona totally downplays what really went down, like how the cops were called, just that it was all very difficult that his mistress was in her kitchen. Andy says Mario blames the show for breaking up their marriage and Ramona blames Mario’s unhappiness with himself. Luann announces that she never cared for Mario ever since he came up with the very clever name of “The Countless.” Sonja sticks up for the old Mario but not the new Mario. Not everyone is buying the new beginnings of Ramona. Her apologies are about as worthless as Monopoly money. Bethenny wants more sincerity and less hugging it out.
Now, about these dresses that Ramona “took” from Bethenny. What a convoluted mess. I’ll try to explain. Bethenny spilled wine on Ramona so Bethenny’s assistant “gave” Ramona a different dress. Bethenny asked for it back, but was told it had fallen out of the trunk of Ramona’s car. And, OMG, who gives a crap! Give back the dresses, Ramona, it doesn’t matter that Bethenny’s show was cancelled. Ramona says that she almost brought the dresses with her today but for some reason didn’t. I’m pretty sure the dresses represent something from Ramona’s childhood. Second best line of the night, Bethenny calling the dress thief, Ranona Ryder.
Andy asks for a show of hands if they think Ramona has changes. Four and a half hands go up. Ramona says she’s working on being more authentic and less defensive. Bethenny brings up the lie Ramona said to Heather about cheating on her first husband. Ramona explains she was just repeating what she heard. Bethenny tells Ramona she has a nasty side and is a bottom feeder for doing that. Then Bethenny reminds Ramona she knows where all the bodies are buried. Dramatic much?
Tune in for the final reunion show this Thursday night. Maybe then we’ll see #lungegate or #bookgate realized, though personally, I’m getting a little skeptical at this point.