RECAP: Real Housewives of Orange County — Fast Cars and Furious Words [Episode 12]

We kick off The Real Housewives of Orange County at Vicki’s place, where she greets Tamra, Ryan, Sarah and baby Ava.  Sarah getting knocked up messed up the couple’s wedding plans, so now they have shelved the numerous shotguns, and are moving forward with the ceremony.  Vicki has volunteered her lovely backyard as a beautiful friendship gesture towards Tamra, so the couple probably should set the date for the next day, and hope for the best! 

We learn that Tamra is thinking about being baptized sober, because she’s worried that drunken vacation floundering might not count.  Vicki and Tamra go inside to chat, where Vicki spills about the birthday dinner gone wrong, with the Beadors. Tamra dishes  about what was said to the psychic, and Vicki pronounces both the psychic and Meghan Edmonds, as stupid, ignorant ninnies.  On a more cheerful note, Tamra is gleefully worried that Vicki may go for Meghan’s jugular, giving us all something to look forward to. Woo hoo! 

We jump to the NASCAR event, where the Edmonds and the Dubrows hobnob with NASCAR celebs, and speed around the track.  It’s scary, but not too petrifying to take a show-off Instagram selfie. Meghan shares with Heather that Vicki texted her when she heard that she was questioning Brooks’ cancer, and blasted her for opening her juvenile yapper. On a fashion side note, Heather continues to rock the vertical 80s ear bangles, frightening me about what product launch party may be on the horizon.

The Judges and the Beadors arrive, and the Dubrows make their exit. Shannon is excited because the venue requires cool earplugs, and everyone has a great time. Shannon relays what happened at dinner through her foggy processing, when Vicki spilled the tea to Brooks. Tamra admits to ratting Meghan out, who asserts frustration at Brooks for not seeking the help that has been shut down to LeAnn. Meghan is proclaimed head sh*t stirrer, Shannon the first as*shole, and Tamra is appropriately awarded the lifetime as*shole achievement award. 

We shift gears, and join Tamra meeting with her real estate bosses. She wants to jump back into the property biz again, but hasn’t been active for five years, making her a likely real estate dunce.  Tamra is on probation, until she unloads a few houses, and hauls in some cash. We hear that a rental has been landed for Ryan and Sarah, and Granny is footing the $8k bill as a ‘welcome to my lair’ gift. Tamra isn’t telling Eddie, so she won’t have to listen to his blah blah blahing, asking why she is supporting her adult child, his baby mama, and her dozen children.

Over at the Beadors, the girls are having a painting party, and we learn that the twins had to follow through with the dreaded TP apology letter.  Feisty Stella is holding a grudge, and holds fast to her opinion that her mom is a big poopy downer. Shannon and David are working on providing a peaceful, loving home, but the girls just wish they would both get lost. 

We catch up with Vicki and Brooks jumping on a boat for quick getaway to celebrate Vicki’s birthday. Vicki gushes that Brooks is fab to plan romance during his disease struggles, and make anything and everything completely, absolutely, and unequivocally about her. Vicki is determined to not allow Meghan’s blurt wreck her good time of stumbling around the boat, and boring the poor waiter with her pitiful orphan status. Vicki loves Brooks because this stupid, silly impending death thing doesn’t slow him down, and Brooks can’t imagine their lives not blissfully intertwined, at least during the filming months. 

Prepare to be shocked..because Meghan and Tamra are talking real estate, and looking at mansions. Tamra’s kissing up has PAID OFF, as they tour the old stomping grounds of Heather Locklear, while Meghan blathers mind-numbing nonsense in the background.  They check out a $6.7 million house, with Tamra possibly set to cash in big.  Savvy Tamra put the kibosh on her signature hatred for overreaching  stepmothers, just in time! 

Apparently it’s the birthday episode with this bunch, because David is bringing birthday girl, Shannon, and the kids to a sports bar for a family birthday dinner. Shannon is let down, but Stella is happy that Shannon is at least ordering a drink, so her happy, fun mommy can emerge. David apologizes again, for breathing, and messing up the restaurant choice, and his apology is also declared a marriage blunder. The girls pick up on the tension, and Shannon continues to blather on about the disgusting hovel of an establishment that her loser husband chose, for her oh so special day. She shares another TMI Beador moment, when we learn that David celebrated her last birthday by bed hopping, as she sobs that a sports bar with a nice birthday cake is practically just as horrifying.  HUH? Just blow out your candles, and have a drink, Shannon!

Heather is hosting a showboat construction sight luncheon complete with cute servers, at her half built resort.  The women tour the palace, which features a luggage room and the formal powder room. Meghan struggles with the concept of warm towels, and the women try and fight off their jealousy as they end in the family room, decked out with a pretty table set for lunch.  Aside from the obnoxious display of gauche excess, the lunch looks lovely. 

They all clink glasses to friendship, and toast to Heather, as they dig in. Tamra brags about secretly snagging nearby digs for Ryan, which brings a grin to Vicki’s face and expressions of unsurprised horror from the others.  Tamra assures them that she will spill the beans to her husband when the bill comes from the decorator, but not before.  Meghan expresses gratitude to Shannon, for making a few calls to her fancy doctor contact on behalf of LeAnn. Meghan suddenly loves Shannon, due to her newly revealed beating heart of compassion, which might even be welcome in her home now. Meghan goes where no woman dare trod, and brings up the beef with Vicki, clarifying what happened after the psychic reading. 

Vicki goes off, finger waving and ranting about her dead mother, while thanking Jesus for whatever the heck is going on with Brooks. Vicki then vows, as Andy Cohen as her witness, to take Meghan down.  What constitutes a “take down” on these shows anyway?  Meghan tries to explain her selfless position, but Vicki won’t shut her woo-hooer.  Tamra practically rubs her hands together, as she tries to defend and protect her $167k new bestie.  Meghan claims loving concern, and wants to take over Brooks’ case.  Dr. Meghan points her own bony finger around the table, accusing the women of claiming that Vicki has remained uninvolved with Brooks’ doctor visits, while Vicki insists that she has attended a chemo session.  The women continue to hammer Vicki with treatment questions, and Meghan states that she has indeed researched his treatment plan, and advises a different course of action, to ensure a more hopeful prognosis. Meghan continues the blabber by comparing Vicki’s experienced parenting views with herself offering oncology advice, via Dr. Google.

Tamra nods in sincere agreement, and I think I caught a flash of $$ in her irises. Meghan has studied the meaning of “concerned” and is sure that she is coming from a place of passionate caring, but Vicki just wants her to shut up, and go away. The tears suddenly dry up, and the commiseration vanishes as Meghan abruptly snaps back.  Some bedside manner she has!  It looks like things get weird next week…don’t miss it!    

 

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