RECAP: Real Housewives of New York Reunion [Part 1]

Before we commence with the arguing and fighting of The Real Housewives of New York reunion show, can we talk about the fashion? Lord have mercy!! Who were these women’s stylists, Studio 54? Is disco making a comeback? I wanted to give an award for worst dressed, but everyone would have received a trophy, so instead, let’s just acknowledge the left couch / right couch. On the left couch, it’s a tie! Heather and Kristen are the “winners” because they are each flashing their cleavages all over the place. Tape is your friend, ladies. Next, on the right couch, it’s a landslide! Luann is the “winner” wearing three fabrics that should never be sewn together: turquoise, sparkle, and spandex. Ladies, be on the look out for your commemorative tea cups in the mail!

Moving on to the reunion show, Heather has promised to retire, “Holla.” The world rejoices. Carole’s deadline has been extended, yet again, to October. Bethenny has only regretted coming back to the show once in the beginning. Sonja’s judgments and fees are caught up. And Hilary Clinton is a fan of Dorinda. That last one’s pretty scary.

The first set of flashbacks cover Bethenny’s return to RHONY. Mostly it’s Bethenny crying. She tells Andy that her divorce is still not final and has been going on for three years, lasting longer than the marriage itself. Bethenny can’t talk about it due to the legalities, but Ramona and Carole can! Emotional torture and evading phone calls are the allegations. A viewer asks about the “richest homeless person” comment which Bethenny stands by, regrettably.

Andy asks the ladies about their reaction to the news that Bethenny was returning. Of course Sonja and Ramona were thrilled, but apparently Luann wasn’t feeling the love. She toasted to a Bethenny take-down. Luann denies this, and how dare Heather suggest such a thing. Ramona was there, but must have fallen asleep because she doesn’t remember. Carole remembers it. Luann gives a lame-ass, “Well if I said it, which I don’t think I did, then I’m sorry, but I’m really not because I would never say such a thing,” excuse. Heather admits that she should have backed off of Bethenny in the Berkshires and Bethenny admits that she is at times embarrassed by her own outbursts. That’s called progress!

Something relevant occurs with Kristen when she explains it was Heather who was being a pot-stirrer in regards to saying Kristen’s feelings were hurt when she wasn’t invited to some event of Bethenny’s. Kristen never said this. Heather says information is power, and evidently Bethenny needs more power, so that’s why Heather said this? More tension ensues when Heather interrupts Bethenny to tell Bethenny why she is the way she is, but is bothered that Bethenny is bothered by the interruption. Never been so happy for a commercial in my life.

The next big topic was the trip to Atlantic City, beginning with Heather’s indignation over not being able to wait inside Sonja’s home, peeing on the side of the road, and Sonja being drunk and wanting to make out with the other ladies, and partying with John-John, and going to Gstaad, and being in PR. Andy asks Sonja if this episode was difficult to watch and why not just let the other ladies stand in the foyer? For Heather, this is where the friendship ended with Sonja…over etiquette, not girl code. Sonja thinks it’s rude that the other ladies expected to come inside from the cold and dampness. Were they not raised in a barn? Bethenny and Dorinda both describe their futile attempts to reason with Sonja during that fun-filled trip.

When asked if Sonja has tried to make out with them, Carole, Heather, and Luann raise their hands. Andy asks Sonja if she’s bi, and after she hmms and haws it over, basically admitting to traveling south and pondering the snatch guard, the consensus is: only when Sonja’s drinking is she bi. The conversation turns serious as Andy tries to convey concern for Sonja’s excessive drinking on behalf of the other ladies. According to Sonja, she’s a lightweight. One drink and she’s buzzed, two and she’s drunk…seven and she’s smashed. Normal lightweight stuff. Carole tells Sonja that it’s wrong and inappropriate to claim she’s partied with John-John, who didn’t go by that name by the way, because that’s her family. The Countess quips to Carole, “How nice of you to be concerned about family.” Heather the guard dog is quick to chomp on Luann’s leg for the low-blow.

Which brings us to the most divisive, explosive and uncool matter of the night: young chef, Adam. Has there ever been someone more not worthy of the attention he’s receiving? What is Luann so upset about, anyway? That he’s young? That he used to date her niece? That he’s the hired help? It can’t be the young thing because Luann has had plenty of young guys. Case in point, Erik, a young man that Luann describes as, “I’m not sleeping with him…on a regular basis.” Carole accuses Luann of banging random men in the bathrooms. When Andy mentions the twitter war between the two, Carole says Luann is desperate and Luann wipes her hands of their friendship.

The Countess is having a hot flash under fire from Andy’s tough questions and asks for a note card so that she can fan herself. Andy mentions the comment to Carole about not having children. Luann says she meant that Carole doesn’t understand where she’s coming from since Luann has kids (that she sent to boarding school) and Carole has none. Breaking news: Allister the houseboy who is either 25, 21 or 20, went skinny dipping with Luann and may have made out with some of the other ladies. Because what happens in Turks & Caicos, doesn’t stay in Turks & Caicos.

Tune in next week when we might finally see Luann lunge at Carole and hear what Ramona has to say about Mario. Preach!

 

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