Evidently, Million Dollar Listing San Francisco has decided to up the eccentricity factor as we start off with Justin’s high school friend Kevin who has a tiny little dog named “Kevyn Jr.” – the “Y” because Kevyn Jr. is a girl. Um, evidently someone ordered a big bucket of CRAY CRAY! Kevin Senior is rocking a 1980’s Morrissey Look to go with his girl dog. Kevin is also hoping to become a Jam Entrepreneur and wants to call his product “Chammy.” Which sends Justin into a monster set of giggles. I cannot blame him on this one! Kevin is NOT amused with Justin’s spontaneous laughter. Kevin’s asking price is also laughable.
Andrew says that you have really made it once you own your own vineyard. He is looking at a 7,000 square foot with 18 acres of chardonnay grapes property to list. I want to put that property on my list for Santa Claus. I could be a Wine Mogul, seriously. This house has it all – including stairs to nowhere and dead-ends. Andrew actually gets lost in the property like a diabolical maze!
Roh is looking at The Metropolitan – an all amenities high-rise with a top investor seller from China named Mr. Wong. The unit has a renter with sad furniture. Roh doesn’t think he can sell for top dollar with shabby furniture. He says the kitchen is highly outdated, which made me gasp as that “outdated kitchen” looks better than my current kitchen. Nothing like Bravo TV to make you feel inadequate with your own life! Mr. Wong wants 1.4 million. Roh says “no” $1.25 million max. Good for Roh for not over promising. Mr. Wong goes with Roh’s price. Now the challenge on how to show the unit without proper staging begins!
After finding his way through the maze, the Italian Tuscan seller wants $5 million and Andrew thinks it is $3.9 million. The property already has a lease on the grapes for $60,000 a year. Built in income is a plus! I wonder if I can lease out my cats for $60,000 a year? Andrew gets the seller down to $4.2 million. Andrew agrees but he thinks the max he will get is $3.8 million.
Justin decides that a fashion show open house is the best way to showcase Chammy Kevin’s unit. This is a first for an MDL show! Roh meanwhile is trying to showcase the badly staged unit. None of the prospective buyers are digging the unit. One of the agents (Heidi) rips the place to shreds. Andrew meanwhile is putting together an open house for the Tuscan style vineyard property. There is a fun montage of Andrew coming up with every possible name he would give to a wine label. The Bravo producers are definitely having fun with interviews with the MDLSF guys!
Heidi hardballs Roh for one million for Mr. Wong’s unit. Heidi must have taken an “acting with your face” class as she makes 900 grimaces with EMOTION! But Roh’s magical beard convinces Heidi to raise her offer to full ask. Deal done! $37,500 commission if Mr. Wong agrees.
Andrew gets an offer for $3.8 million – as he suspected. But the seller is not calling him back – over a week goes by. A montage of Andrew constantly calling and texting the seller as he gets increasingly annoyed.
Justin’s fashion show open house idea goes wrong when the fashion designed Gus positions naked, neon spray-painted mannequins in risqué positions. He also screams at Justin that he is a prude! Gus says he is creating a “sexual, sexy space.” Justin’s voice goes up ten octaves as he looks at the mannequins positioned going down on each other. (His words, not mine!) Justin says Gus is going to ruin his reputation. Bravo uses pixilation to hide my sensitive eyes from the naughty mannequin behavior.
Justin loads the open house with Kevin and Kevyn Jr’s unit. The brokers ask if the mannequins come with the unit. Justin says that no one seems too confused with the naked mannequins. As usual, everyone thinks the price is too high. Maybe Justin should have negotiated price with Kevyn Jr. the dog instead of Chammy Kevin.
Mr. Wong’s representative breaks the bad news to Roh that Mr. Wong wants to hold off on the sale of the property due to tax purposes. The rep says “The reality is Mr. Wong can do whatever he wants with his property.” Roh is under the gun to find Mr. Wong a new property to buy with the proceeds of the sale. Roh throws a pen and exclaims that this is a disaster!
Andrew drives out to the Tuscan vineyard and still cannot get ahold of the seller. Andrew does lunch with his fiancé Paul. In a previous episode, Paul had mentioned he was thinking of trying sex with a woman before marrying Andrew. Paul brings up the subject again when Andrew’s seller calls. BAD TIMING! The seller says his oldest daughter is getting married and wants to keep the house for her wedding which will happen in six months. The seller says he won’t entertain any offers until after the wedding. Andrew has already lost $20,000 in marketing costs. $126,000 lost commission for Andrew. On top of that, Andrew’s fiancé has to run. “Lunch for one” Andrew sighs. This episode is all about the brokers getting screwed by sellers!
Justin meets up with Kevin for a jam tasting. I, unlike Justin, have actually been to a jam tasting before because I am a Cosmopolitan Gal. The lesson I learned is don’t go to a jam tasting on an empty stomach. Bad story. Evidently, according to Kevin Sr., you’re supposed to put the jam on your finger so the saltiness of your skin enhances the flavor of the jam. But what if you don’t have salty fingers? Kevin turns down the $2.8 million listing which is higher than anything else in the building, but Chammy Jammy fingered Kevin wants $3 million. Justin decides to walk away from the listing but then he decides he doesn’t want to hurt Chammy’s chances to become the top jam of the hemisphere, so he tells Kevin he’ll see what he can do. Sucker!
Roh breaks it to Heidi that the closing in 5 days is at risk. Heidi starts acting with her face again. She scolds Roh and says that her buyer is going to have an “absolute fit” and says that Roh has “f—ked up this deal.” Wow Heidi, way to sugarcoat it. The prospective buyer flips out and Heidi says they are going to walk on the deal. Heidi lays down another F bomb before walking out. Someone wants her own series on Bravo with all that DRAMA! Maybe Heidi needs to try some jam on a salty finger. Roh shakes his head and says he’s back to square one.
Episode over. Between the jam, spray-painted mannequins and Kevin Jr. the girl dog, I feel like I was run over by a truckload of crazy! What did you think of this episode of Million Dollar Listing San Francisco?