Our journey began with The Real Housewives of New York back in April, and here we are in August, having spent a lot of time with these ladies. Season 7 had nineteen episodes, plus (typically) three reunions show, and you are at 22, the number of shows in primetime television, generally spanning eight months. Is this too many? Was it too long? Fans can decide. I’ll just tell you what went down on the Season Finale!
Ramona drops by Sonja’s bedroom lair to congratulate her on the fashion show. She’s just come from church for Ash Wednesday, though there’s no smudge mark on Ramona’s forehead. Sonja is surprised the church actually let Ramona in. And by the way, what’s this about “duking it out” with Bethenny at her fashion show? Classic move for Ramona, a woman claiming to have changed, she places the blame on Heather for starting the fight between her and Bethenny. Ramona claims she can’t catch a break and being perfect is boring – no worries there, Ramona!
Over at Bethenny’s almost completed apartment, Carole drops by to stink up the place with sage and chase away bad spirits. The little girl’s room is sweet and functional, the master bedroom is calm and boring, but the kitchen and bar area are cool. As Bethenny holds yet another product placement party for two, Carole complains about Luann acting like she’s a Countess. The nerve. Everyone sleeps with younger guys. Even Luann, though probably not the Countess. Bethenny shares that she’s too tired to be mad at Ramona anymore, after the bitch-slapping that nearly stole the fashion show.
John and Dorinda are eating at a restaurant, (what a surprise) holding hands, (only briefly) saying I love you (just John). He reminds Dorinda that they’ve been together for three years. John has a ring in his pocket, but Dorinda warns him not to pull it out in a pizza joint, that’s uncool, and we don’t want to be like, uncool. John tells her he loves her more than anyone in the room (not kidding) and he’s ready to move in together. But first the thing with Dorinda’s daughter Hannah (she hates him). They both agree to start working on that relationship and clumsily kiss each other.
Ramona arrives at her rooftop New Beginnings party in a black sparkly dress. Dorinda announces she almost wore the same thing. The ladies arrive and there is something brewing between Sonja and Kristen. Apparently, Kristen has messed up once again with handling the press. She spoke of the defunct toaster oven. How could she not say something wonderful about the clothes? Probably because Kristen was asked the question before the fashion show, but whatever, Sonja’s bent.
When Bethenny shows up, she runs smack-dab into Ramona. Ramona apologizes for the mishap at the fashion show, but not for anything specific. Bethenny tells her she’s like a four year-old. Ramona says she’s more like a six year-old. Bethenny isn’t buying the apology. Ramona asks if Bethenny’s Jewish or Catholic, not sure it matters, but Ramona wants to be forgiven.
Carole has brought young Adam to the party and Luann has brought her gorgeous gay friend. Luann claims seeing Adam now makes her ill. Guess he’s no longer her personal chef. Bethenny and Ramona start fighting again and Ramona asks for a one-hour moratorium on the fighting during her New Beginnings party. Bethenny presses Ramona for a real apology and the two women hug it out.
Luann is telling anyone who will listen (Dorinda and Bethenny) that when you have sex a lot, you want to have it all the time. And when you’re not having sex, you don’t care. Bethenny’s masturbation talk is thankfully interrupted by Sonja babbling on again about Kristen and her dig to the press about the toaster oven. Dorinda mumbles that Kristen is getting better at blah, blah, something, the press.
Sitting away from the others, Carole is complaining to Heather and Kristen about Luann, when Luann wooshes in to give Kristen the heads up that Sonja is upset with her, but refuses to elaborate. Kristen finally puts her big-girl panties on and marches over to Sonja at the bar – who won’t talk to her. They are no longer friends and Sonja will now only discuss the subject behind Kristen’s back.
Back over on the couches, Carole and Luann rehash the rules of girl code. According to Luann, Carole broke three: 1) Dating her niece’s ex-boyfriend/personal chef, 2) Barging into her room when she could have (probably did have) a man in there, and 3) Lying about the apology she did or did not give. Luann then has a hearty chuckle over the fact that Carole has no children to introduce Adam to.
Back over at the bar area, Heather tells Bethenny that she chooses to be a bitch and she can choose to be different. And she means this in a good way, because how couldn’t this be anything but a good way. Ramona defends Bethenny by saying she isn’t always a bitch. Bethenny has an idea for a new show, Drive-By Therapy with Heather Thomson. And Sonja and Kristen are arguing again about what was said, not said, to the reporter about the toaster oven. Sonja tells Kristen she’s brain dead. They stop arguing long enough to let Ramona give all the ladies a toast – and to list their updates for us – marking the end of Season 7.
Dorinda – is finally finding enjoyment in the here and now…and she’d still rather have John place a martini in her hand than a ring on her finger. No word if Hannah and John are working on their relationship.
Carole – is still on her apartment’s board but her favorite seat remains on Adam’s handlebars. The couple is still going strong, but the same can’t be said for Carole and Luann’s friendship. No word if Carole ever completed that novel she was past due on.
Kristen – is having huge success with her nail polish line with 12 colors and growing. Possible new colors are Holla Honey, Countess Champagne, and Ramona Blue. No word if Kristen still thinks she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. Or the brightest polish on the nail.
Luann – has redefined Girl Code with the release of her new single. She’s belting it out from the dance floors in Ibiza to the boathouses in Sag Harbour. No word if the married guy’s wife in the Turks & Caicos ever put two and two together.
Heather – may team up with Bethenny to take Drive-By Therapy nationwide, though her relationship has stalled with Luann. No word if Heather will stop saying, Holla, now that she’s reportedly quitting the show.
Ramona – has just published her candid tell-all memoir “Life on the Ramona Coaster.” The epilogue has yet to be written as her divorce from Mario is still not finalized. No word in she ever received the bounty for her booty.
Sonja – while she’s still not in stores, her fashion line is available online. It’s still unclear whether she’s designing a collection for a Nigerian football team. No word if the toasters are ever coming out!
Bethenny – recently cruised the Galapagos Islands with new bestie, Carole. She realizes that she may have room in her life for new friends after all. No word if Carole’s sex dream with Bethenny came true on the cruise.
Tune in next week for Episode 1 of the RHONY reunion show. It’s gonna get ghetto.