We begin this week’s episode of “The Real Housewives of New York,” exactly where we left off last time, at the F-bomb dinner. The Turks & Caicos has become the RHONY’s purgatory and the women are destined to remain until they figure out the secret message or discover the treasure, who knows at this point. The conversation over the use of the F-bomb is tiresome. The thing is, Luann and Dorinda, co-captains of the F-Bomb police, sometimes no other word will do.
So Heather and Carole go back to the villa and the rest of the women go out dancing. There is no footage of this, only of Heather the next morning when she wakes up. And Girlfriend-Momma ain’t happy. Apparently, Heather sleeps in the nude and stumbled across a naked guy in the bedroom adjacent to hers. Heather grabs Carole and together they go on a rampage throughout the house trying to discover who brought him home. Heather’s concerned this stranger could steal from them, but she’s acting like the guy’s an ax-murderer.
They grill Dorinda on the stairway, but she looks frightened and doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Carole and Heather storm off to Sonja and Ramona’s bedroom, yanking open the curtains, demanding to know who brought home the naked guy sleeping upstairs. Ramona throws Luann under the bus by saying, I don’t know anything, go ask Luann. Two men? This really makes Heather cry. Heather and Carole stomp off to Luann’s room and barge in. Luann says she doesn’t know nothing.
Heather’s over-reaction is getting annoying. In the kitchen she cries about this being something 19-year-olds do, not 50-somethings, (Power to you 50-somethings!) and how would Ramona feel if this were Avery? This makes no sense, but often times these housewives make no sense as they preach from their soapboxes. Luann comes downstairs in her bra and panties (or skimpy bathing suit) and wants to know what the big deal is. Heather continues to freak-out. Is she jealous? Why can’t Heather take it down a notch…or ten? Yes, the guy should have left five minutes after the deed was done, but Ramona is still learning girl-code, y’all, so give her time and she’ll have the men sneaking out before dawn in no time.
Heather asks if Luann know these guys’ first and last names. Are you f-bomb kidding me? As the two continue to argue, we hear the infamous remark from Luann telling Heather to, “Be cool. Don’t be all, like, uncool.” Heather thinks Luann is the uncool one and Luann now thinks Ramona is the uncool one. There is a lot of uncoolness going on.
Kristen comes downstairs with interesting information for once. The house manager tried to get rid of these guys, but Luann and Ramona insisted they come back to the house so they could make out on the patio. Oh, and one more thing, the guy Luann was with is married. Oopsie. The house manager outs Ramona as the one with the guy that slept upstairs, but Ramona does a fabulous job of staying out of the melee for once.
Finally! The trip has ended and we are back in New York City where Bethenny and Carole are meeting for tea. Carole can’t wait to tell Bethenny about #nakedguygate. Bethenny thinks it’s great that someone (or two) got lucky. Carole downplays her reaction at the villa, saying she was only mad that a man had been left alone to wander the house. Bethenny says that Ramona will never cop to anything, and she’s right. Then Carole relays the F-bomb dinner saga where Dorinda snapped. Dorinda arrives at the tea and is ready to get to the bottom of this. Here’s the deal, Dorinda didn’t get her four o’clock nap that day. That and the three dirty martinis at dinner and drinking all day in the sun. Otherwise Dorinda stands by what she said. Whatever it was that she said.
Heather and Kristen are working out and Carole stops by to gossip – she says she hates working out, so why else is she there? Carole tells them that Dorinda admitted to drinking too much at the F-bomb dinner. Heather proclaims that Dorinda is out of balance and unhappy. Really, Heather? She had too much to drink a couple of times, let it go.
Carole shares with Heather and Kristen that she’s tired of Ramona lashing out at everyone as if she’s being attacked when she’s not under attack. Case in point: sleeping with a 28-year-old. Carole then gives Kristen the heads up that Bethenny’s not happy about something Kristen said to the press. Kristen claims to have been misquoted when she said “not to judge a book by it’s cover.” Whatever. Yawn.
It’s time for Kristen’s diamond and denim decorating party! The children’s charity is a great cause, but unfortunately the energy in the room is very negative. The last thing these ladies need in their hands are hot glue guns and ice-picks. Bethenny and Luann both show up with diamond chips on their shoulders. Bethenny is hot-glue gunning for Kristen and Luann is hot-glue gunning for Heather. Dorinda accidentally uses the host’s coasters to decorate her jeans, and personally, that’s the pair I’d like to bid on.
Bethenny leans over her jeans and tells Kristen to stop talking to the press about her because she’s guarded, especially if she wants to be friends. Kristen says, “Who says I want to be your friend at this point.” Lovely. Thanks for donating your time for the children, Bethenny. Ramona chimes in that she’s already learned the lesson not to talk to the press about Bethenny, but it’s an obvious attempt to deflect the tension away from herself. Bethenny and Kristen make up, and after two sips of wine, Bethenny leaves.
Now it’s Luann’s turn to get her panties in a knot with Heather. They speak about Heather bursting into Luann’s room military style in the Turks & Caicos. Heather wants to get Carole, but Luann says no way. She informs Heather that Carole has apologized, but when they actually bring Carole over, she says she didn’t apologize. Somehow Ramona is staying out of this and Sonja thinks Ramona and Luann are amateurs when it comes to men. And she’s right.
Luann is mad that she’s taking the heat alone about the naked guy from the other ladies. And when Ramona tucks her tail between her legs and apologizes to Heather, Luann is once again stung by the Singer Stinger. Even though this was a dreadful decorating party in the name of a children’s charity, the jeans turned out pretty cool, man.