Help me! I’m drowning in the Turks & Caicos. “The Real Housewives of New York” has exceeded the boundaries of time spent on vacation. I don’t mean to complain, but this episode could have been cut down by twenty minutes. Or, perhaps they could have added the much awaited, “be cool, not uncool” scene with the naked guy in one of the housewives’ bed. But, alas, I’ll STFU and begin with the fun!
Bethenny and Ramona are still arguing over Ramona’s insensitivity to going out to lunch when Bethenny and the chef are making a cobb salad. Bethenny is sick of Ramona’s entitlement and Ramona is clueless as to why Bethenny is so upset. They call each other manic. The two make up when Ramona gets all handsy with Bethenny, lovingly referring to her as a witch b*tch.
At lunch, Ramona gives a toast about how important her girlfriends are when it comes to business decisions, namely, the title of her book. Ramona is such a clever girl. Did you see how she gave herself free advertising? Here are the top title contenders: “True Faith” submitted by Kristen. “Work in Progress” submitted by Bethenny. “From Hell to Happiness” submitted by Ramona. The winner is “Work in Progress” but Bethenny informs Ramona she can’t write her book because Ramona has no arc. Ramona is writing her memoir and in my opinion, has her arc but lacks her (happy) ending.
Heather is annoyed with Bethenny and her bossy behavior, nit-picking the book and not letting others speak. She thinks Bethenny is a know-it-all, which becomes Bethenny’s title with a subtitle of “How to be the bossiest person ever.” The ladies break into two groups and talk smack behind each other’s backs. Staged drama ensues when Bethenny picks up Heather and carries her to the ocean. The two make-up, flash their asses, and quickly get over the issue.
It’s time to go out to the Conch Shack for dinner! But before they do, Heather and Sonja, have a heart-to-heart. Heather apologizes for kicking Sonja when she was down about her “drinking problem.” Sonja accepts the apology for now. At the Conch Shack, no issues arise when half of the women walk in ahead of Dorinda. The women immediately have a great time dancing and drinking at the restaurant. There was a tense moment when Luann pets a stray dog, only because she creeps on all fours to the dog, but thankfully her face was not ripped to shreds.
Trouble is brewing, though. John, the owner of the Conch Shack is (allegedly) single. Carole and Bethenny are talking to him, but Ramona’s tractor beam has attached itself to his genitals. As she corners her prey, Ramona acts if she doesn’t know Carole and Bethenny, and prevents them from rescuing speaking to John.
The following morning, Bethenny packs and leaves early. She considers the trip a success. Several hours later the other women crawl out of bed. Sonja, Kristen and Ramona are first to get up. Kristen wastes no time telling Ramona how rude she was last night. Sonja agrees that Ramona was rude but was “in the zone.” Ramona doesn’t want to deal with the other women so she and Sonja leave early to go to the day’s planned activity.
The beach hotel is incredible both in hospitality and views. Ramona quickly instructs the staff what to do with her luggage, then she and Sonja sneak off to the beach, trying hard to avoid being called out for bad behavior. When the other ladies arrive, they spot “Frick and Frack” on the beach from the penthouse balcony. Finally Ramona realizes she can’t run from them any longer and she and Sonja return to the suite for lunch.
At first nobody is speaking. Carole is mad because Ramona has no man-game or girl-code. Carole eventually tells Ramona that she was rude, to own it and get over it. But Ramona can’t. Ramona says something like, “Oh, yeah? Well you’re sleeping with a 28 year-old. So there.” And then cries and blames it on being “in the zone.” Luann asks if it’s the Twilight Zone.
Luann and Sonja go sit by themselves to discuss how mean Sonja became when Luann mentioned putting her to bed after a night out. Sonja claims that she was under attack by the other women’s phony concern. The conversation switches to Sonja sharing with Luann that she asked her ex-husband to “let me go” in court recently. This is why Sonja dates 24 year-olds, according to her. Back over at the beach, Carole and Dorinda bond over the awkwardness of discussing the death of a loved one with other people who haven’t experienced tragedy.
It’s the last night in Turks & Caicos! Yay! And the women are dressed to the nines, ready to go out par-tay. You can tell they’ve had a full day of fun and sun and alcohol, but they don’t let that stop them from ordering various versions of dirty martinis. The conversation leads to dropping the F-bomb. Luann and Dorinda are adamant this is unladylike, pointing fingers at Heather who always drops the F-bomb. Heather defends her F-dropping ways, but the discussion takes another turn about their mothers and how they were raised. If you cuss you had a bad mother? Dorinda loudly tries to make her point, and much as I like her, frankly I couldn’t follow the logic trail she was leading us on. Heather (not so) cleverly speaks in hashtags: #lotsofrose´ #fuckyou and #yourmomsproudofyounow which is just #plainrude.
Dorinda gets up to leave and announces she will not be humiliated. (Too late.) Luann takes her away, but then Heather swoops in and takes Dorinda from Luann. Hopefully Dorinda won’t throw up from all the spinning.
Next week – yes the fun continues in the Turks & Caicos (sigh) – we finally see which housewife brought the guy back to the villa. Which housewife do you think it is?