We rejoin the women of “The Real Housewives of Orange County,” right where we left them, at the Napa dinner party, where Meghan was challenging Shannon over a supposed phone snub that everyone at home has likely forgotten by now. Shannon is peeved about this dumb 30-year-old who thinks that she knows anything, and Heather butts her owl eyes into the overblown load of nothing to smooth things over.
Shannon is overreacting, much to Meghan’s delight, and David wisely reacts to his wife’s bluster by upping his tequila intake. Meghan is flabbergasted by her dramatic success. The women gather around to powwow, excited for the first organized bitch-fest of the season. They begin to beat the invisible issue into the ground, Shannon and Meghan launch into round two of middle school banter, and I begin to zone out.
I have never been so happy to be at Vicki’s house, where we peek in on Vicki returning home from Florida. Vicki had a fun trip with Brianna and the pee-wees, while struggling with being apart from Brooks, while he weathered his chemo treatments. Vicki’s mom has been trying to convince Brianna to get off her mom’s jock about who she cavorts with, and Vicki is encouraged by her progress. Brooks is being advised by a friend to go vegan and take anal shots of coffee, and Vicki decides that being far far away isn’t so bad after all.
It’s the night of the Juvenile Diabetes charity party, and we join Meghan proudly broadcasting that her husband just dropped a bundle on a new bag. We meet Melissa, Meghan’s paid friend. Melissa does everything, including keeping all the Edmond family secrets, and cleaning the bathrooms. The party staff arrives, and they all stand around and blabber about how important it is for Meghan to be thought of as a sweetheart, not an immature opportunist. Meghan loves the social scene, and evidently Jimmy buys her expensive designer gifts to leave him out of it. Heather has a meeting of her own with her resort building staff, and complains about how much work it is to plow through piles of cash.
Heather is kinda upset that Terry is never around, but his wallet does do a great job of keeping her company. Oh and by the way, Heather doesn’t really want the palace, she just wants to yak endlessly about every garish price tag.
Vicki meets up with Tamra to catch up on life. Ryan’s baby mama is ready to blow, and Tamra is unsure how she will feel being a granny, with big implants. Shannon arrives, and kills the light mood by yammering about her favorite hobby, anxiously researching medical procedures. They recall the Meghan squabble, and Shannon sternly reminds us that she, and she alone, is the reigning charity queen. The threesome discovers that Shannon isn’t invited to Meghan’s party, as Vicki and Tamra shoot each other panicked looks. We flash back to Meghan calling the girls, who apparently do nothing but hang out all day, waiting for phone calls. Meghan deliberately left out Shannon, and Shannon is dramatically insulted. Shannon is aghast, because now she will have to guzzle that bottle of wine she was planning to bring on her own, and cancel her hair and wardrobe decisions. Vicki jumps on an escape opportunity, and decides that she will also righteously pass.
Heather hoots her way over to Meghan’s house, swooping in to play the buttinski peacemaker. She points out the obvious, that Shannon’s absence would be awkward, and the diss could trigger a cast riot. Meghan refuses to budge, and Heather is impressed that she so courageously stands by her adolescent convictions.
For some random reason, Tamra shows up at Vicki’s to get dressed for the party. Tamra’s makeup artist shleps over too, so her client can gossip in the bathroom, and knock back Vicki’s bottle of wine. Vicki decides to call Meghan to tell her that she would rather woo-hoo with needy, left in the shadows, Shannon.
Meghan is getting gussied up for the big event, and Vicki makes the call, to break the news. Meghan doesn’t understand why anyone who stormed out on a stupid, petty argument would have the audacity to expect to be welcomed into her home. How about for a big boozy check made out to your charity, hmmm?
The Meghan show continues, as we listen to her blather on about herself, and her hopes to loudly splash in the OC. Tamra arrives and she and Meghan chat about the pitfalls of being trashy mean girls, and tonight’s theme, namely how fabulously splashy Meghan is.
We meet Jim’s ex-wife, LeAnn, who is battling progressing colon cancer. She and Meghan get along well, and put Jim and LeAnn’s daughter Hayley first, revealing a shocking flash of unfamiliar maturity.
We begin bouncing back and forth between the party, and the dinner with Vicki and Shannon. Heather and Terry arrive and meet the family, while Lizzie, Tamra, and Katie yap about Shannon’s scandalous absence. They discuss the snub AGAIN, while we watch Meghan preen for the crowd and give her most sincere sweetheart-worthy speech.
Shannon doesn’t give a crap about the party, but oh wait, on second thought, she is super bummed that she couldn’t connect with her charity besties. The blather continues on and on, with the main consensus being that Meghan is an entitled, egotistical gold digger. The party is declared a ginormous snooze-fest, and the women want to blow the joint. Meghan proudly exclaims that she is mature enough to take the hit. The hard-core consequences of Meghan’s brave choice have indeed fallen, and the tanked girls’ party wins.
Lizzie, Christian and Tamra join Vicki and Shannon and begin to shovel in dinner, and toast to the newest outcast. Meghan is excited that the party went well, because she has made her mark on the OC. So much for charity!