RECAP: #ShahsofSunset “Big Trouble in Little Phuket” [Episode 13]

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For some reason more crazy people than I can fathom, GG is still holding onto the “Mike tried to f me” thing. He tries to apologize and move on since, after all, it was GG who was letting him play with her thong in the club, but an incomplete pass in the hotel room is still an incredible breach of friendship to GG. Or, maybe, just maybe, she’s just jealous he chose Jessica.

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Asa has her own hang ups. She’s still pissed at MJ for not inviting her to Reza‘s bachelor party. Meh. Let her stew. MJ has more important things to do like ask Siri how humid it is in Thailand. Reza shows up and tells her he’s all wet — from running. I guess Reza takes running classes from an 80-year-old man because he’s wearing black socks with his sneakers. What’s next? White socks with sandals? I’m more worried about this startling fashion faux pas from Reza than the fact that a) Mike isn’t invited on the trip, and b) no one’s getting married. Certainly not Asifa and Bobby who are fighting already. Then they get on the plane and continue fighting. Then they get off the plane and continue fighting. Then they sit down for dinner and they’re still fighting. They’re the poster children to warn all couples, straight or gay, why marriage is nuts.

They do take break from fighting so that Asifa can argue with Reza about their respective nipple color. Asifa says hers are peach; Reza says they’re maroon; Asa offers to judge. It’s blurred out, so I can’t tell you who won.

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Massage time and Asifa teams up with Asa, and Bobby teams up with Reza, and this is where we hear that Asifa loves Bobby, and that Bobby doesn’t know why he’s with Asifa.  Later, while Asa‘s filling her pie hole again, Bobby and Reza continue their conversation, and it’s pretty darn obvious Bobby really can’t stand the idea of being with Asifa. He tells Reza, “I’m a bitch for letting it get to this f’ing point.” Uh, yeah. Specially since he reminded her before they left for Thailand that it’s his house and she can leave. Asa must have eaten all the food because everyone enters the patio space where Reza and Bobby are talking. When Asifa sits on Bobby‘s lap, he tells her they need to talk, and then tells her to get off. Reza lets us know that’s not what he meant when he told Bobby he needs to clear the air with Asifa.

They start at it, and Asifa brings up her girlfriend that Bobby slept with when they were broken up — again. Zzzzz. Bobby says she’s hopped right on the crazy train, but looks like Bobby bought a ticket, too, because blurts out, “We need to break up.” She shoots back, “Okay, let’s break up.” Bobby says, “Let’s do it.” Seems the Reza break up formula worked once, so it should work again. Everyone leaves because no one wants to be in on this fight — not even Asa, the wannabe U.N. delegate. Once they’re gone, Bobby tells Asifa she needs to “make a complete change.” Well, if that’s all he wants, hey, no biggie, right? Bobby storms off, goes up to the room, packs his bags, and we see the elevator door close on him.

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Back to Reza, who’s telling everyone he can’t deal with this because he’s an “emotional wreck” right now from breaking up with Adam. Do emotional wrecks go to their wedding destination without their intended? You’d think you’d be so broken up, you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near that place.

Back to Asifa, and Shervin is trying to figure out why she even wants to continue on this roller coaster, but Asifa thinks Bobby just crying out for attention. Yeah, they’re a great match.

Three hours later, and Bobby enters the patio where Asifa is sitting all alone, and they argue again, and again, Bobby says, “You and me are done.” Asifa tells us she can’t fight anymore and there are no tears left to shed — which, after the fact when she recorded that talking head soundbite, was a well-rehearsed line.

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Time to eat again, but everyone’s all mopey. Shervin wants to know if they can see some elephants or monkeys or something tomorrow. Reza says it’s a good idea, “in honor of Adam.” Like he’s dead, or something. Asifa shows up, sans Bobby, so everyone gets even more mopey. Asa’s cry for attention is to make it all about her and she has to leave the dinner table because she’s in a “weird place.” That’s the cue for everyone to start leaving until then there were three — Shervin, who shut down any further discussion of the crap between Asifa and Bobby, MJ, who doesn’t want to miss a meal or a drink, and GG, who doesn’t want to miss a drink.

Reza goes to check on Asa because this trip is so about her. He says he feels like going home now. In his interview piece, he tells he feels horrible thinking of Adam sitting home all alone crying. Kinda should’ve thought of that before he got on the plane. I’m sure Ryan Seacrest could afford to eat the airfare/hotel bill without blinking an eye. Anyway, he warns us that if things don’t get better tomorrow, he’s gonna leave.

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Next week, the season finale, and who knew MJ would be the only one in a real relationship?


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