“Teen Mom OG” begins with Catelynn and Tyler discussing how to handle an impending trip to LA, with an infant. Catelynn’s mom is asked to care for Nova during the couple’s time away, and MTV jumps on the occasion to remind us of her icky past. Tyler and Cate chat about how far they have come, and how the reunion show offers the chance for new relationships. A house, cars, and cell phones mean a whole new life, proof positive that they have come a long way, and MTV deserves a thank-you note. The duo drops Nova off with Catelynn’s already remarried mother, April, and takes off for LA. Tyler calls to check on their little pink bundle, and April assures them that she is fine. Catelynn tears up, missing her little girl, but immediately cheers up when she hears that the babe plowed through four diapers in a matter of hours. The couple arrives, and toasts to their family’s support, and freedom from poop for a few days. They are excited for their “The Doctors” appearance, to hit an older audience with their teen adoption insight, but mostly pumped to sleep all night long. They appear on the show, and educate the post-teen viewing audience about “positive adoption language.” The couple is asked about the likelihood of a reunion appearance from Carly, and they look forward to talking with Teresa, for a potentially huge confirmation. Later, Catelynn chats with Teresa and gets the bad news that Carly will not be traveling to NYC for the reunion show. They are disappointed, but try to focus on the positives of the scenario. The couple comes home, and reunites with Nova, and breaks the news to April that she won’t be meeting Carly at the reunion. April and Cate chat about their new adoption understanding, which has been a long time coming.
Over at Amber’s, she and Matt are heading out to dinner, and Gary and his brother are chatting about that shady old guy that Amber calls her fiancee. Tabloid reports claim that Matt is a bad check writing, drunk driver. Gary decides that a sketchy guy with a record is no biggie, until it starts affecting his ability to recline regularly, or maybe even his daughter. We flip over to the man in question, who is dining with Amber and Krystal, and coincidentally countering those pesky tabloid stories. Matt only cares about the sketchy stories that aren’t true, and evidently, avoiding a paying job. The couple is about to head to a dreamy hotel mini-vacay, complete with “crazy looking beds, and huge jet tubs”… apparently a getaway all on Amber. Amber complains about not seeing Leah enough, and Matt shakes his head in disgust, while expressing his need for luxurious privacy. We learn of a cryptic text sent from Gary to Amber, and Heather the producer swoops in to save the day. A long story is told about a sore throat, a school pickup, and a doctor’s bill, and the whole brouhaha is a waste of film.
Gary wraps the rant by threatening to take Amber to court for child support, while we jump over to Amber bleating the classic “I’m done.” Her life is sheer hell, and she is sick of it. Her hellish existence continues when Leah has to come along on the couple’s romantic hotel stay, due to her illness. The threesome arrives at their ‘Fantasuite’ destination…a perfect choice for a child who feels like puking. Leah looks appropriately horrified, but perks up when she sees the rose petals and hot tub. After their night away, Amber drops Leah with Gary without taking her to scheduled doctor’s visit, and Gary blows, while vowing to never be her B-I-T-C-H. He comments that Amber is clueless about parenting, and just wants her “gone,” all charmingly expressed in front of Leah. Amber and Matt meet up with Amber’s mom and brother Shawn about endless Gary problems, and Shawn’s girlfriend comes through like a champ, and lures Matt on an errand so the family can talk. Shawn expresses his doubts about Matt, and Amber reassures him that he will get the axe if he is lying about anything big…like being a freeloader.
We pop in on Maci who is chatting with Taylor about buying a house. Maci wants four bedrooms, a good school district and a backyard. Taylor just wants a basement, so he can hide from Maci and drink beer. The duo house hunts, and puts in an offer on their perfect dream shack-up address. A price is worked out, and it’s a done deal. Ryan meets up with a pal, and they chitchat about “the guy she’s having a baby with.” Ryan is uncharacteristically cheerful, probably because he has unloaded his baby mama on another sucker. Bentley’s absence is painful in these segments. Maci and Taylor meet up with another couple, and share the good news about the house. Taylor is put on the spot about a wedding, and responds by appearing to want to poke his eyes out. He turns red, and spits out something about a wedding maybe making the list, behind getting a dog, of course. Maci is packing for the move, and Taylor bites the bullet and goes ring shopping. He meets up with his buddies at the barber shop for some comforting affirmation, and to share his scared as a bunny feelings, which invite comforting divorce stories. The couple moves into the house, while Maci tries to avoid dropping the baby out into an open box. They decide on gray and purple for the nursery, and perhaps getting married one day.
The big news with Farrah, is that her boyfriend Simon is headed in for a visit, to meet Sophia. He butters up the tot by sending her an enormous bear in the mail, and Sophia seems excited. Farrah and her pal Paola dine and discuss Farrah’s super lame dating history. Farrah spills that Simon wants to date two years before he considers giving Farrah more than a teddy bear, but Farrah is sure that she can nudge it up to one. Farrah prepares to pick up Simon by gussying herself up with a cloud of hairspray, and Sophia is excited to meet a man who doesn’t cringe when he looks at her mom. Sophia strangles Simon with his seat belt in greeting, and Simon looks worried, which turns into panicked when Sophia mentions marriage. Farrah shows Simon around her home, then they head off to meet her father, Michael.
Michael is happy to meet a boyfriend who isn’t creepy for a change, and they toast to a less creepy future, while Simon looks around shiftily, obviously not so sure. A gift of fancy shoes from Farrah, and numerous needy slaps from Sophia keeps Simon confused, as he drags Sophia around the house, unable to shake her off his ankle. The couple head out for some alone time, and all seems forced, but pleasant enough. Later, Farrah asks for a relationship progress report, and demands a shorter engagement ring delay, due to the fact that her mannequin-like face is far from conventionally ugly. Simon offers no comeback. Simon prepares to leave, and resists sitting in the vehicle’s back seat, in order to avoid being slapped and pinched all the way to the airport.
Farrah forces him, and joins forces with Sophia to annoy the junk out of the (fingers crossed) future step daddy. Simon can’t escape through the airport doors fast enough. Debra pops in next for a visit, and Farrah is worried about her pretend girlfriend status with Simon. She commiserates with her mom, and begins to complain, clearly sensing a breakup on the horizon. Farrah is in damage control mode, plotting to be the dumper, not the dumpee.
The reunion is next week, and it’s sure to be a doozy!