Welcome back to “Southern Charm” where we are at DEFCON 4 according to Cameran. Everyone has forgotten that Craig and Kathryn slept on the beach the night before due to the new catastrophe of assault charges being filed against Thomas Ravenel by Kathryn’s BFF and stylist. The gang is on the croquet field discussing who’s going to tell Kathryn. No one does. Kathryn receives the news via her app while she’s in her room.
According to Kathryn there have previous conflicts between Lauren and Thomas. On this particular night Thomas wanted Lauren to leave so he closed the door with enough force to cause Lauren to fall down the stairs. Kathryn calls Thomas to tell him that she’s just as outraged as he, pledges her loyalty to him, and promises to return home immediately. Five minutes later, though, Kathryn has a change of heart when she learns the gang is going to take dance lessons. She’s tired of being #shunned by Thomas so it’s #payback time.
The others are shocked, appalled, and horrified that Kathryn isn’t leaving, but no one says anything to her face. Whitney lurks nearby, not participating in the salsa lesson. By the way, did you know that salsa dancing is like eating chips with your feet? Here’s how is goes: Put your left foot in and get a chip, take your left foot out and get the salsa, put your left foot in the guacamole and shake it all about, do the salsa-walsa and you turn yourself around. That’s what it’s all about. (Clap, clap.)
Whitney asks JD if he’s as stupefied that Kathryn is dancing and drinking instead of going back to Charleston to file a report to dispute this. JD agrees. They discuss the possibility of Kathryn and Lauren being in cahoots. Their theory is that if Kathryn can’t have Thomas, then the United States can’t have him either. I’m not sure about that theory but the timing is very suspect.
Over at T-Rav headquarters the conversation is about the horrible media and their perpetual exploitation of the misunderstood Thomas Ravenel. He does acknowledge that there was zero margin for error and his campaign is likely over. Whitney calls Thomas to say he just happens to be back form Jekyll Island and just happens to be in the neighborhood and just happens to have juicy gossip. Thomas tells him to swing on by, it’s not like he’s got anything to do now, anyway.
When Whitney arrives and asks Thomas what happened on that night with this stylist/bff of Kathryn’s. Thomas says he doesn’t want to discuss the “allegations” right now but he was totally cleared of these “allegations” by police. When Whitney asks why this girl was even at the house, Thomas explains she is a “talented” hairdresser of Kathryn’s. Whitney says that he is shocked, appalled and horrified that Kathryn didn’t return to his side. It is Thomas’ belief that she is receiving advice from a certain non-lawyer they all know, but not to worry, Thomas has done the mature thing and broken up with Kathryn via Facebook.
Whitney decides not to tell Thomas about the beach tryst between Craig and Kathryn. (Instead he’ll probably save it for the finale.)
After Kathryn returns to Charleston, she doesn’t visit Thomas. Instead she goes to the townhouse and packs all of her stuff. Flashbacks of happier times are shown. Kathryn hops in her car, drives away, calls her father to let him know she is one minute away, and is greeted by her waiting dad and baby. The violins play.
Over at Patricia’s house, Whitney and his mom are getting ready to watch Thomas’ television interview. Patricia orders a bourbon sour for the occasion as Whitney updates her on the scandalous behavior on Jekyll Island and Thomas’ Facebook breakup. According to Whitney, this is something 12-year old girls do. Whitney thinks Thomas should have broken up with Kathryn via text, because that is something 12-year old boys do.
A flashback is shown of Whitney confronting Craig to learn if he had been “congruous” on the beach with Kathryn. Craig tells him to eff off. Whitney presses for more information and Craig explains he didn’t plan on the golf cart dying, both of their cell phones dying, or being unable to find his way back to the hotel that was five blocks away. Craig is just thankful he’s seen a few episodes of Naked and Afraid to know what to do. And I believe Whitney has his answer whether anything “congrued” on the beach or not. Patricia calls Kathryn a shameless strumpet, and in case you are wondering, the definition of a strumpet is “a female prostitute or a promiscuous woman.” Thank you Patricia. We always learn something new from you.
It’s finally election day! Everyone goes to vote for Thomas except for…wait for it…Whitney! Can you believe that? Even Craig is voting for Thomas. For some reason Whitney is registered in New York. Who’s the shameless strumpet now?
There is an election-results party being held at JD’s restaurant. Slowly, people begin to arrive. According to Shep, the atmosphere is that of a New Orleans funeral, but without the jazz procession. Cameran and Landon get tanked. No one has heard from Kathryn, not even Craig. JD suggest they take bets on the percentage of votes Thomas wins. Numbers of 8% through 12% are called out. Sadly, they are way off. When the polls close, Thomas has only won 3% (though he says 4%).
Thomas arrives and is devastated that he won’t be helping his country. Whitney tries to cheer him up by saying Thomas ran a respectable campaign and didn’t embarrass himself. Mmm-hmm. He said that with a straight face. Even Thomas broke a smile. Whitney then goes to the podium to introduce Thomas so that he may give his concession speech, and wouldn’t you know, this is the exact moment Kathryn makes her entrance. Thomas’ speech is short, but he thanks Kathryn.
Kathryn thanks Thomas for thanking her, but Thomas says it was someone else’s suggestion that he thank her. Patricia thinks that Kathryn is not stupid like she portrays, but arrogant, presumptuous, and narcissistic. Thomas and Whitney are sitting at the bar, talking privately as Thomas shares that he is humiliated and a laughing stock. Thomas is battered and beaten. Kathryn comes over to rub it in ask if he’s okay. Thomas tells her he doesn’t need her drama right now. (Yay!) She whispers to Thomas that she is there to support him, not Whitney. Thomas gives an insincere thank you to Kathryn for her so-called support.
Kathryn storms over to the girls table and complains about Thomas. Landon tells Kathryn that it’s not always about her. Thank you Landon! You should drink more often. Kathryn tells Landon this is “their” party so “eff off,” flipping her the double bird. Landon tells Kathryn she’s a classy lady. Kathryn wisely decides to leave, and after telling her friend she’s on the verge of (another) breakdown, runs off, because if it’s not about Kathryn, she’ll find a way to make it about her.
Tune in next time for the season finale!