“Dance Moms” kicks off this week where we left the crew last week, at home in Pittsburgh, at Starbound Nationals Dance Competition. The ALDC arrives, along with Cathy, her Apples, and their rotten mothers. Holly reminds us that Abby has over-scheduled the girls at a local dance convention, and she launches into her regular shtick of being dissed by Abby, because Nia, and for some random reason, JoJo weren’t asked to attend. Nia and JoJo are following the program, but all of the others are at the Jump convention. Jeanette and Cathy butt into the controversy, and Cathy maturely contributes by calling Abby a blob with big hair.
Abby appears to be dumping weight by the ton, and Cathy’s snark rolls right off off her skinnier back. Abby admits to cutting Nia out of the loop, because of her defection to Aubrey O’Day’s management skills, and supposed fierce video prowess.
Jill advises Holly to shut up in front of the competition, and the exchange turns into a bitchy shouting match. Holly is spitting nails because Nia’s defection from Abby’s control is costing her, and Jill is furious that Holly is questioning Kendall’s coveted teacher’s pet status. Cathy and her mothers gloat at the divide in their dressing room, and agree that Vivi can probably pull off her flag waving role in the planned Patriot number.
We jump back to Holly and Jess chattering about the snub, and Melissa reminds them that it wasn’t the moms’ role to make sure that all of the girls were included. Everyone wonders how they will pull off solos with the MIA dancers, so Abby decides that JoJo and Nia are going to fill in for Kalani and Kendall, which explains why JoJo was cryptically lumped into the diss with Nia. Abby believes that Jump attendance is more important for her reputation, and leaving the convention early is out of the question. Abby didn’t manage the time constraints well, and now Holly naturally believes that Nia will face unfair, and likely more talented competition. Cathy and her minions strut into the ALDC room, and bray out support for Nia, as Holly smirks happily in the flattery. Jill encourages Holly to be thankful that Nia is performing, but Holly refuses to accept that a default solo is good enough for her little video diva.
Nia performs, and does well, but Nia’s technique is limited. Ava takes the stage to dance a number dedicated to the verbal agony spread by Abby Lee, illustrating the old adage of any attention is good attention. It’s a contemporary number, and despite her lanky and somewhat distracting limbs, she nails it, and the piece is cool and creative. JoJo hits the stage with her improv piece, and this little dynamo is fast becoming my favorite young dancer.
Cathy, Jeanette and a few of the moms barge into the ALDC dressing room to shower star confetti on Nia, and Holly basks in the passive aggressive and showy nonsense. A mom insults Mackenzie’s video and Abby as it’s producer, in an uncalled for blast of nastiness, which ticks off Melissa. Melissa, Jill and Jess tell the group to beat it, as Abby videotapes the exchange for posterity.
The Apples get ready to dance out Vivi’s jubilant citizenship, and Jeantte’s group revs up to knock out the judges, with a hiphop number. The ALDC kids are still stuck at Jump, endangering pulling off the group number. Cathy pep talks Vivi, reminding her that she is spectacular, proud and excited. Vivi agrees, but looks bored. We hear that the ALDC girls are on the way, but will they make it? Cathy believes that the ALDC is on the run from the group that they have lost to…about once. Cathy’s Patriot number hits the stage, and the sentiment is nice, but the concept is cheesy and cliche.
The ALDC girls arrive and leap into their costumes. Jeannette’s girls perform, and it is fun to see a hiphop piece, even with the lackluster choreography. Abby’s girls are frantically pulling it together, cheered on by Abby’s screeching, and Jill dramatically labels the chaos as being in a makeup catastrophe, searching for blue lipped survivors. The group makes it onstage within seconds of being disqualified….imagine that! The number is called ‘No Sign of Life,’ and it’s great, with the snazzy blue lips adding the perfect lifeless touch.
The winners are announced, with JoJo winning third, and Ava winning first. The Apples score second, and the ALDC group number first…pretty much the usual. Cathy gags and rolls her eyes in a classic defeated response. Jill congratulates Abby’s girls on their effective, dysfunctional focus, and even Holly is happy. Abby wheels in a big cake, announcing that they are all headed to LA and Australia.
Jeanette and Cathy scream at Abby one more time for the road, and Abby infuriates Cathy by reminding her that she once taught Vivi. Jill whips out her phone to record the festivities, which triggers Cathy to snatch it and walk away. Jill is ready to throw down with her, and Abby shoves her way through the crowd to get the phone back. Some big thug bouncers take control of the brewing brawl, as Cathy and her dance moms embrace in a cackling victory. This season is a wrap!
Becca is a Senior Editor for All About The Tea. She’s a coastal girl who loves the outdoors, and writing about the sneaky and silly side of reality TV. Her bio is short, but her snark is endless. She loves writing for the sharpest posters in the world.