“Teen Mom” begins at Amber’s house, with Amber’s middle aged boyfriend hanging out with little Leah. Matt chats with the tot, asking her opinion about marrying her mother. Leah seems on board, especially because she will have someone getting out of bed earlier to get her breakfast. Later on, we watch Amber’s family arrive to eat dinner on the couch that Amber never seems to leave. Matt, who is wearing a fetching and super youthful ski cap, seems to fit in with the family, who all just want Amber to be happy.
Later, cousin Krystal arrives and notices how Matt has taken over the decorating, which Krystal nails as super weird. Krystal questions everything, including Matt’s old age, daunting parenting responsibilities, and his style choices. Matt stupidly comments that not being Leah’s father allows for more fun, and that parenting her isn’t really his thing, forgetting that becoming her stepfather might include some boring example setting. We jump to Matt and Amber enjoying their fave grilled cheese plates in their local cozy diner. Matt drops the proposal right into Amber’s plate of fries. He slips on the ring, and they smooch in celebration, reveling in the special greasy moment. The couple breaks the news to Amber’s mom, who seems happy about their sort of icky cute-ness. Matt breaks out his ski cap for the occasion, as Matt and Amber’s mom giggle at their four year age difference. Amber’s brother Shawn calls to weigh in on the surprise engagement, obviously concerned about his sister. Amber believes that the choice is a no brainer because their connection is undeniable, but Shawn begs her to not get hitched quickly so he can avoid a nervous breakdown.
We catch up with Farrah, who is off to meet boyfriend Simon, and to appear at a rooftop hotel bash. She arrives in Vegas, and learns that she has been invited to appear on another cheesy reality show, focused on keeping she and her mother from killing each other. Debra and her shiny new face is all about fame, preventing injury, and nurturing a super awesome relationship, so she is all in. The MTV crew is hanging in Vegas, and Simon checks in with a delighted and needy Farrah, who expresses excitement at jumping him upon his arrival. Farrah chats with Heather the producer, explaining that she is worried about Simon parenting Sophia, and the idea of bringing a man into the family triggering major anxiety. She gulps out sobs while waving around a forked slice of zucchini, or possibly a pickle, I can’t quite tell which, but the spectacle is amusing.
Simon arrives, and Farrah is super happy that he doesn’t look at her with massive negativity. Simon asserts that the attention is pretty sweet…a revealing observation. Farrah begs him to say on camera that she is the best girlfriend EVER, probably fueling his future cut and run strategy. The hotel party is a tacky, trashy display, and Simon and Farrah bask in the glow of classless drunken fame. Farrah presents him with the ultimate challenge of meeting her shiny tacked back mom, and he agrees. Matt and Farrah travel to LA by helicopter, to meet up with Debra. Debra arrives in her best junky baubles, and and they eat while discussing the new gig, while Debra struggles to look adorable, straining to see over her enhanced cheeks.
In a ridiculously contrived scene, we watch MTV scramble to dramatically NOT film Maci Bookout as she drives into Ryan’s parents’ driveway, only to be joyously reunited with the prodigal Teen Mom. The producer and Maci embrace, in shared excitement at her change of heart, as well as a restored paycheck. Maci calls the shots, and offers her snoozy dramatic services, minus the much cuter Bentley. Ryan snarks about a future porn career, and the family laughs together at the idea of emulating that gross Farrah. Later, Maci and her pal loudly crunch salads and discuss her knocked up and unmarried condition.
Suddenly, Maci is five months pregnant with a little girl who is shown on a doctor’s office jumbo-tron during a sonogram. Taylor meets with some pals to drink beer, and discuss buying a ring so he and Maci can at least be engaged when their daughter is born. Taylor and Maci go out to dinner, and Taylor expresses fright at the thought of having a daughter worse than Maci. Taylor wants to relocate to a bigger house, but Maci vetoes the idea, and would rather discuss being a bitchy married woman, with a big rock.
At Tyler and Catelynn’s, the couple are enjoying their newborn daughter, Nova. They marvel over their little bundle, and are thankful that they can keep their second baby. The scene is a sweet one. Catelynn is struggling with breastfeeding, and is finding early motherhood a challenge. She and her grandmother talk about Carly, and Catelynn seems to clearly be struggling with absorbing the reality of having a second baby, with an older sister in a different family. They receive a box of Carly’s hand-me-downs, and they continue to hash out the Carly connection. Tyler comments that Teresa takes a long time to respond to texts, and they wonder if Nova’s birth might have the couple rattled. Catelynn calls Teresa to thank her for the clothes, and the resemblance between Nova and Carly is acknowledged. Catelynn and Tyler are working to come to a positive outlook regarding their complicated situation, and are hoping for a smooth melding of the two families.
On the follow up show, Catelynn acknowledges the emotional struggle of Carly being absent, Farrah acknowledges a psychological problem, Amber acknowledges her gargantuan talons, Maci acknowledges that she is still knocked up and single, and Matt acknowledges that he really has a crush on Jenelle Evans. Things heat up between Maci and Farrah next week, as the drama continues!