Real Housewives of New York Recap: “Battle of the Brunches” [Episode 3]

We are still in the Hamptons on the Real Housewives of New York City. It’s the morning after the Bethenny/Ramona showdown of confusion. In Luann’s cozy cottage, Heather and Carole discuss the conundrum of too many brunches. Luann and Kristen join the conversation and cleverly dub it The Battle of the Brunches. The reasonable solution, according to the Countess, is to go to both brunches. Carole would prefer to stay behind with young chef, Adam, for a “cooking lesson” but will not get to do this.

Carole asks Luann if Bethenny is a drama queen because apparently she’s never watched the show RHONY. Luann tells a story about an Hermes dress Ramona borrowed from Bethenny, but never returned it, which is kind of funny because Ramona didn’t speak to Sonja for 20 years over a sample sale dress.

The foursome arrive at Bethenny’s very cool Hampton house. Good news everyone! Bethenny’s not homeless anymore. Whew. What a relief. Inside her home it looks like a Skinnygirl party that would put any Tupperware party to shame. The kitchen and living rooms are filled with product placement. If you want a blender, be sure to leave your credit card number. Unfortunately, there are no toasters. Too bad, the ladies really wanted to get one for Sonja.

Heather goes in for the kill right away with Bethenny, asking why she let Ramona get her upset. Bethenny says she wasn’t upset. Heather and Bethenny are obviously going to butt heads this season. They are too much alike. Kristen, who is still trying to find her voice, tries to put in her two cents, but Bethenny quickly cuts her off. The borrowed dress is mentioned, and Bethenny claims she’s not mad about that at all. Not at all. Not when Ramona said it fell out of the back of her car. And not when Ramona was photographed in it several months later. Bethenny thinks Ramona is “off the rails psycho-crazy” but she’s not mad about the dress, not at all.

Ramona, Sonja, Tanya, and Dorinda-the guest of honor-arrive at a restaurant where they will brunch. Sounds kind of last minute to me, but what do I know. As they wait for the other ladies, Ramona regales them tales of Bethenny’s “verbal abuse” and nearly biting her head off while she tried to apologize. Ramona becomes agitated, nearly biting the head off of Sonja. Dorinda’s only focus is on her bloody mary.

Back over at Bethenny’s, the ladies spill tea about Sonja. How she has no businesses, but claims to have many. Sonja’s delusion that she’s got her act together. But help is on the way. Bethenny is appointed leader of the “let’s get Sonja to focus” bandwagon. Good luck, Bethenny. Kristen’s husband failed miserably last season.

Ramona and company are still waiting at the restaurant, drinking. Luann and her crew leave Bethenny’s house with blenders, cocktails and gifts. They call Ramona to let her know they are five minutes away, but Dorinda has to leave. She’s waited an hour and a half, but can’t wait any longer and must leave now. The ladies arrive just as Dorinda is walking out, so hugs and kisses all around. Sonja is confused and distressed that she wasn’t invited to Bethenny’s brunch, and she really seems to mean it. Perhaps Sonja had one too many beers from her purse. Sonja was invited. Ramona wasn’t invited. Get over it Sonja because Ramona already has.

Back in the City, Dorinda is with her boyfriend having pizza, shrimp salad, and wine that only Dorinda is in love with. John kisses Dorinda and we learn that she doesn’t do PDA. John gets a business call and we learn that Dorinda does do WTF. She lets John have it and takes the phone and tells the caller that he’s super rude too. John apologizes for his friend. Guess we know who wears the dry-cleaned pants in this relationship.

We get our first look at Bethenny’s new Soho apartment that is under construction. It’s large, as far as NYC real estate goes, and will be wonderful, if only she could afford the apartment next door as well. The words fly out of her mouth, barking orders, threatening her contractor with castration. When they finally finish the place, it’s going to be gorgeous. Hopefully everyone will survive with parts intact.

Luann stops by to visit Ramona. A flashback is shown from Luann’s last visit, a botched ambush attempt to reunite Jill and Bethenny. We learn that Coco (the dog) is visiting Mario while he stays at his “friend’s” house. Really, Mario? Luann listens patiently, something Sonja can’t do, and tells Ramona to hold on to the good memories. Then she promptly tells Ramona that Mario is on all of the dating sites. Ramona is dating, too, and she’s filed for divorce. Wouldn’t it be totally interesting if Ramona’s divorce was finalized before Bethenny’s? A flashback is shown of the psychic in Monaco telling Ramona that Mario was cheating, to drive the humiliation point all the home.

During the interstitial, the funniest, saddest, cringe-worthy moment occurs to Dorinda. She’s meeting friends for dinner. She’s wearing a great dress (that I hope is hers). She’s the first to arrive. After being seated, she motions to an African-American man. When he gets to her table, she asks if he’ll check her coat. I wish he would have said yes and taken her coat. Turns out, he didn’t work there, but was a patron just like her. #awkward

Heather, Luann, and Bethenny meet for lunch. Heather is non-stop talking about being on television in a mock shark tank format that listens to concepts but doesn’t give money but is still important, because she is doing great and she’s so relevant. Heather asks about the text from Ramona to Bethenny because that was her idea. Then Heather and Bethenny order the most complicated, but different, margaritas ever. I swear these two were separated at birth. When Heather brings up Ramona again, Bethenny shuts her down and tells her, “Nothing you say is interesting.”

Luann has planned a night out with all of the single ladies. Sorry Kristen, Dorinda, and Heather, you’re not invited. They meet at a boutique pick up joint. When Luann enters, she is with satchels of gold, ex housewife, Kelly Bensimon, who Luann “just happened to run into.” The rest of the ladies arrive one by one. When Bethenny shows up, she sees Kelly, but goes to the bar and surrounds herself with men. Two young men go over to the ladies table and Sonja pounces on the youngsters like a cat in the jungle. Luann makes her way to the bar and she and Bethenny discuss the difference between intentionally and randomly.

The ladies dance the night away. Sonja takes vodka shots with her German boytoy. Bethenny and Kelly get along. Men hit on Ramona. And Dorinda’s boyfriend shows up. Wait? What’s he doing here? Sonja slurringly asks John why he’s there without Dorinda. John says he’s there for a “business meeting.” Yes. A dry-cleaning business meeting late at night at the bar/meat-market. Dorinda, this is what we call a red flag, girl.

 

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