This week on “Southern Charm,” we pick up with Whitney who receives a call from his mom, Patricia. Whitney tells her that he is packing for the weekend and hopes that while in London to attend Winston Churchill’s grandson’s 40th birthday party at Blenheim Palace, he will see his “girlfriend” Larissa. Whitney explains that Blenheim has the splendor of Versailles without being gauche and that he prefers to summer in Ibiza and spring in St. Tropez. Pretentious-much?
Thomas and Kathryn are mattress shopping for their new townhouse in downtown Charleston. She’s ecstatic because now she can walk to the Starbuck’s. Thomas is ecstatic because now he can focus on his campaign and not focus on Kathryn. How sweet love is.
Shep is turning 35 this weekend, but will have to celebrate without Whitney since Whitney will be celebrating the 40th birthday of someone he probably doesn’t even know. That’s okay. Shep will call Craig. Craig will show him how it’s done. Whitney and Shep discuss how fortunate they are to sleep late and not be a slave to a time clock like the other poor schmucks of the world due to their lack of mailbox money.
Later, Cameran drags Shep to a pet shelter to adopt a dog. Cameran’s husband, who we never see, is also 40 and ready for a baby. Cameran is not ready for a baby and hopes that a dog will fool her husband the doctor. She asks for a standard poodle, but the one they bring out keeps trying to hump Shep, so Cameran isn’t sure about this one. They bring out another dog who is missing one of his front legs. He’s super sweet and Cameran has decided she wants this dog. However, she tells Shep that her husband will kill her if she doesn’t ask his permission first. Sometimes I forget it’s 2015 and not 1915 when I watch this show.
Cameran asks Shep if he’s ever been in love. He tells Cameran that when he was 23 he was madly in love, but they were too young. How did Shep know he was in love? Because when she hurt, he hurt. Shep doesn’t feel that way about women now. When they hurt, he asks them to leave.
Whitney stops by Thomas’ campaign headquarters to catch up. Amy joins the boys to discuss the negative blowback they are getting over the “Raise the Roof” commercial. Whitney can’t believe his ears. Have they no appreciation for art? Whitney thinks that voting for T-Rav will send a big FU to Washington. A not-so random phone caller is asked her thoughts about the commercial. The caller tells Thomas that it should be destroyed. Whitney is wounded and vows to officially disassociate himself from the campaign.
Landon, who is hardly part of this show, stops into a jewelry store to pick out pieces to wear to Cooper’s Founders Ball that is coming up. Cameran and Kathryn stop by as well. Supposedly there are rules with this ball. Women should wear gloves and cannot dance unless they are asked. Fun fact: did you know that ladies were not allowed to dance together without permission, but it was okay for two men to dance together. So good news for Whitney and Thomas! Kathryn tries on engagement rings even though no one really believes Thomas is going to buy one.
Kathryn calls Thomas and leaves a message asking if she can drop by the office because she misses him. Seconds later a text message comes in from Amy stating that Thomas will not be available for the next three days because he has a debate to prepare for.
Patricia has summoned Whitney to the Grey Gardens house so that he can work with the dog trainer and his new dog, Monty. Monty is a Lagotto Romagnolo (looks like a small labradoodle) whose function is to hunt for truffles. Monty is digging up the yard in the hopes that he will find some, but unfortunately, no one has told him there aren’t any in Charleston. Patricia loves her animals and has had a rough year losing two dogs and a cat. She thinks it would be a great idea to have a pet cemetery placed in her backyard. No word yet if Stephen King will come buy to bless it.
Kathryn stops by Craig’s place and asks why he’s not at work. When is he ever, Kathryn? Craig explains that he is under the weather. The camera shows multiple empty bottles of alcohol around the apartment that might indicate how Craig contracted the “flu.” Kathryn complains to Craig about control-freak, crazy Amy who is acting like she’s Thomas’ new life partner. Kathryn says that she understands she needs to support Thomas, even if it’s from afar, for the next 45 days.
Over at headquarter central, Thomas and Amy are working on his speech. Thomas is tired and keeps flubbing his lines. He explains to Amy that he hasn’t been getting much sleep because Kathryn hasn’t been the sole caregiver for the baby, like his mother was when his father ran for office, and if he doesn’t get seven hours of sleep, then he is dirt. Thomas calls Kathryn to tell her he won’t be coming home and is going to stay the night at a hotel. Kathryn says it’s fine, but starts to cry after she hangs up. Kathryn then calls her mom to take the baby for the evening. This girl is going out to raise her own roof.
Cameran and Shep go out for his birthday. Landon and the other girls show up at the bar and start drinking. But where is Craig? He’s over at Kathryn’s house having a drink before they meet up with the gang. Although he used to dislike Kathryn, now he respects her because gets pregnant what she wants. They join the gang and everyone starts doing shots. Shep nearly chokes on his boob cake. And Craig is jealous that it’s okay for Shep to act a fool on his birthday, but when Craig does it for the other 364 days of the year, people get their panties in a bind.
Kathryn is getting drunk and no longer wants to be a straight laced southern bell who returns her baby-daddy’s phone calls. She wants more tequila and doesn’t want to go home. She is ready to par-tay. Craig is liking this new/old Kathryn. (Insert wicked laugh here.)