Well, here’s something we haven’t seen before. Asa is eating again. Reza arrives with MJ and he declares they all need to get into shape for the wedding. Asa claims she’s only 170 lbs. which would make her light heavy weight according to amateur boxing weight classes.
Most people don’t take a shower with their dog to clean them, but Bobby has decided that the dog which is identified as “Bobby‘s dog” must be washed by Asifa in this manner. He says “it’s really important.” Really abusive is what we’d call it. Perhaps Bobby needs the washing — like at a head shrinker to lose that patronizing air that broke them up the first time. A dog of a different sort — dead — is what’s bugging MJ. Her overweight pup has finally succumbed to seizures probably from clogged arteries. She’s keeping him in the freezer so she can get him stuffed. Well, at least she’s not eating him.
Mike‘s at work again. This is like two episodes now where somebody is actually pretending to work so it must mean the economy in L.A. was horrible last year. Never fear, though, because while people ask Mike questions so he looks like he’s in charge, or something, for the cameras, Jessica busts in with her posse of wedding planners. Guess she knows Mike doesn’t really do anything and he has the time to look at cakes, and plates, and crap — all in white and gold, of course.
Off to the sex therapist with Reza where he gets the sound advice at who knows how many hundreds of dollars per session that he has a lot of work to do before the wedding since Adam would rather look at porn on the computer than play with Reza.
Asifa has her Dad and brothers over for dinner and they just get the biggest chuckle out of Asifa trying it again with Bobby. She tells us that her parents grew up in the stone age with arrange marriages and no sex before marriage. For the stone ages, it sounds like it worked pretty darn well because her parents have been married for 35 years. The dog washer asks her Dad what advice he has, and he gives it to her: “Go back to the simple way of life. Don’t have high expectations. Live day-to-day. Try not to live in the footsteps of Madonna.” The man should get a Nobel Peace Prize for wisdom in real life relationships.
GG, MJ, and some blonde are dressed like Rod Stewart circa 1979 to go out in public. Seems MJ needs cheering up over her pupsicle so they converge upon a tacky joint to drink. There’s also a ping pong table and it turns out MJ‘s mom is really, really good at ping pong. MJ? Meh, notsomuch. Too much physical exertion for her.
Reza invites Mike to lunch to “help him work his way out of this mess.” Not sure which mess. Getting married, or getting accused of trying to sleep with GG, which is still a non-starter to anyone with a brain. GG said nothing happened, so the guy made threw an incomplete pass. Get over it. But, no, this season has nothing to offer other than this plot device of what happened between two crazy drunk people in Turkey a year ago, so we have to hear about it yet again. For his part, Mike‘s not talking and he’s still pissed that Reza, et al, couldn’t be bothered to tell him what GG was saying behind his back and he had to find out in one of GG‘s inappropriate outbursts in front of Jessica, because in reality, she’s so damn pissed that Mike could possibly want anyone but her. Reza, on the other hand, has described himself as a horn dog, but thinks that Mike is a horn dog who must be broken. Okay. That makes sense.
We all know GG is a nutcase who drinks and makes things up, but “everyone said, Mike‘s a whore” so they believe her over Mike. It would seem that Mike actually completing a pass with other women should be more of a worry to the friends if they really want his relationship to work, but that doesn’t ever seem to come up. Reza keeps yapping to the point where we find out that the real problem is that Mike hasn’t had a housewarming party yet, and their feelings are hurt and that’s why he’s taking GG‘s side over Mike‘s. For his part, Mike finally comes out and says that Jessica thinks they’re all a bunch of jerks. And you know what? If these jerks had bothered to bring Jessica to Turkey, none of this would have happened, would it? Case closed.
GG takes her lie detector test as some cut rate “Lie Detectors R Us” store, and tells the story again about how they were both drunk — so much so she doesn’t even know how many drinks she had, and that Mike made a move, which she blocked and left room unsullied. Wow. That’s an incredible breach of friendship on Mike‘s part eh? Well, kids, we’ll have to wait till next week to find out the results. Maybe we’ll get lucky, and MJ‘s other obese chihuahua will end up in the freezer for some more drama?
Wendy Owen is a freelance writer for All About The Tea.