On this week’s episode of “The Real Housewives of New York,” the ladies head to the Hamptons. We begin the journey with Heather and Carole traveling by limo. Heather with her literature and Carole with her pillow. Heather doesn’t take the hint when Carole closes her eyes, but continues to talk. Heather talks about Luann’s new house, she talks about Mario and Ramona’s breakup, she talks about how she’s not excited to see Sonja. Heather wants Sonja to come back down to earth.
Ramona and Dorinda arrive at Ramona’s Hampton’s house. Hopefully Ramona gets this house in the divorce. As Ramona pours the pinot and cuts white roses, she explains to Dorinda that Sonja is incapable of going deep in a conversation, no matter whose problems they are discussing. Dorinda, who has never met Sonja and only knows her as an urban myth, deduces that Sonja can’t go deep because she’s already deep in denial.
Over at Luann’s old house, an estate sale is being held and everything is for sale. Railings, televisions sets, jewelry, the kitchen sink. The house is being torn down. (Reportedly sold in the $8M range.) Luann, Carole, and Heather browse the selection, which must be kind of weird for Luann.
Back in the City, Bethenny is in the SUV and sick of it. She discusses the pros and cons with her assistant of having office space separate from her living space. Bethenny is tired and drained from being in one of the longest divorces ever. She could have gotten a degree by now. She could have had two more kids. She could have married and divorced again. Bethenny is on her way to promote her Skinnygirl business and is ready to get crazy wasted.
Back at the estate sale, Ramona and Dorinda walk in the back door just as Heather, Luann, and Carole walk out the front. Good thing the Countess forgot her purse otherwise the ladies would have missed each other and we wouldn’t have a scene to watch. Whew. Bullet dodged. As the ladies gather at Luann’s bar, unhappy flashbacks are shown. The time Ramona called Luann a “weekend mom” and the time Heather cussed out Aviva with her prison words. Luann says there have been a lot of great times and a lot of sad times in the house. So basically she’s not that upset it’s being demolished.
Ramona takes Luann aside and gives her a heartfelt apology for being a jerk. Another flashback is shown of Ramona telling Luann “how terrible it must be to have a husband who cheats on you left and right.” Karma is a bitch and she has blonde hair. Luann chooses to forgive, but will never forget.
Sonja has arrived at Ramona’s house and lets herself in after a long chauffer-driven ride on the Long Island “distress-way.” Sonja and Dorinda officially meet. As they nosh, Ramona and Dorinda tell Sonja about the estate sale. Sonja uses this opportunity to make the conversation about herself and her healing hands. Dorinda and Ramona exchange a knowing look. Dorinda thinks Sonja is a cross between Mary Poppins and Zsa Zsa Gabor. When Sonja learns that Dorinda is staying in “her” room, Sonja asks if she’s being placed in Mario’s doghouse. Do you think Sonja should try stand-up comedy instead of burlesque?
At the new digs, which is waterfront cozy, Carole meets Adam, the private chef and blushes shamelessly. We get a glimpse of all grown up Noel, Luann’s son, who has doubled in height from his hip-hop days. Kristen arrives and she, Heather, Carole, and Luann sit down, and drink champagne as Luann reminisces about Ramona’s heartfelt apology. Heather feels the breakup has humbled Ramona. The ladies compare it to mob-wife syndrome, because they know so much about this, where you know, but you don’t want to know.
Ramona, Dorinda and Sonja go to lunch. After the waitress takes their orders and holds out her hand for Sonja’s menu, Sonja misreads the gesture and delicately shakes the waitress’ hand like royalty to her subject. Sonja and Ramona do their “crazy aunt” routine for Dorinda which she renames as “Abbot and Costello.” Ramona’s younger sister Tanya shows up. She will be joining the ladies when they go to Luann’s housewarming party and witness the craziness. Ramona and Sonja each haven’t seen Bethenny since they were on her show.
At Luann’s house, the final touches of the party are coming together. Carole, the woman with no kitchen, goes to the kitchen to “help” Adam. Sonja arrives and has brought a bottle of tequila for a gift, then pulls out a bottle of beer from her purse. There is a man at the party who has caught Sonja’s attention. She is flirting excessively with him, almost like he’s 25, but he’s definitely not. Sonja asks if he’s dating Luann. We learn that he’s Luann’s gardener. Awkward.
Bethenny arrives at the party! She easily mingles with the ladies, meets Dorinda and Carole, who by the way, has burned her arm while “helping” in the kitchen. Ramona arrives in her black leather jacket. There is tension right away. Heather tells Bethenny that she should buy Luann a car for helping her create the Skinnygirl Margarita. A flashback is shown from 2008 of Bethenny telling Luann what’s in it and Luann saying she’ll have one. Heather says that if she sells her company for 50 million/billion dollars, she will give her friend who helped pick the company name “Yummy” a Rolex. You do that, Heather!
Heather continues to dominate the conversation, blabbering about Ramona having a date. Bethenny is surprised to hear this. It’s explained that Ramona is not officially dating, but keeping the company of men. This sounds worse to Bethenny – like a promiscuous prostitute. Ramona declares that she doesn’t need labels because she on a horse and doesn’t know where she is going because she doesn’t have the reins. Yee-haw. The Ramona-Coaster is leaving the station.
In an attempt to change the subject, Bethenny suggests they talk about the last good sex they’ve had, though she knows Ramona won’t want to talk about it. Ramona takes this as a challenge and announces that she loves sex and is not stressed out at all. Not At All. She stretches out on her gay friend to prove this point, but fails miserably. The Ramona-Coaster is climbing the tracks.
The trouble really begins when Luann mentions brunch. No one can agree. Should they go by boat? Go out? Go in? What about Bethenny’s new house? Sonja wants to go to Bethenny’s place, but Ramona tells her she will not be going anywhere because Sonja is her guest and will be chained to Mario’s doghouse.
Ramona asks Luann about the correct etiquette because that’s what matters most to Ramona, being more politically correct. Luann says Bethenny can ask, but it’s up to Sonja to confer with her host. Bethenny walks out ready to go home over this stupid conversation and write her future bestseller, “Bitches Who Brunch.” Ramona tells everyone that she’s hosting brunch, and oh by the way, didn’t you get the email? No one got the email because Ramona only sent it in her bat$hit crazy head. Wee! We’re plunging down the hill full speed ahead.
Ramona follows Bethenny and Luann outside. Bethenny is unable to make her escape and tells Ramona that she understands she’s going through a lot of shit. Ramona keeps interrupting Bethenny in her non-sensical fashion, accusing Bethenny of going through a lot of sh*t. When Bethenny finally gets a moment to speak, she tells Ramona that she doesn’t want to hang out with her.
Ramona goes all yoga-voice on Bethenny and repeatedly tells her to take a deep breath, calm down, and sing Kumbaya. Bethenny’s car arrives and she practically runs off. Back inside, the remaining ladies are still very confused about brunch.
Tune in next week when Bethenny and Kelly Bensimon are reunited – and it doesn’t feel so good.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.