We start with Michael, Jessica and Shervin meeting at a Brazilian Steakhouse. If you never left the house and only watched Bravo, you would think this is the only kind of restaurant there is these days. Remember the rules, guys and gals — “green” means keep bringing the meat! Michael and Jessica show off the engagement ring just to make sure Shervin knows Mike is now officially broke and Shervin will have to pick up the check. In between mouthfuls, Mike finds the interview room and pouts about how nobody did nuthin’ to protect him. Then he goes back to eating, so we have to assume he’s not that hurt. Loser pays the bill, but Jessica asks, “Can you guys just show each other your d–ks and loser pays the bill?” BTW, I hear Jessica was the inspiration for “My Fair Lady.” Mike pulls the Robert Duran card so he’s paying — or do the producers pay for these meals? Hmmmm….
Asa‘s house, and I tell ya, there’s one heifer we’re not making any meat-eating bets with any time soon. Reza‘s over and complaining about Howdy Doody — I mean Adam. They’re not knockin’ boots as much he wants, or the way he wants. Why bother getting married then? Who knows. Reza decides he needs a drink. So do I.
MJ decides everyone needs fun and her idea is dodge ball because getting hit in the face by balls is just the kind of fun this group needs. On top of this brilliant idea, MJ is picking out ugly leggings for everyone to wear while getting balls in their face.
Asa objects to something — really, at this point does it matter what she objects to and MJ and her go at it. MJ says Asa‘s aggressive. Asa says MJ‘s aggressive, I say they both need to stop eating red meat for awhile. Too much testosterone, baby! They end on the mature note. MJ says she’s “not buying any leggings and not going anywhere with you guys.”
MJ gets her revenge without even knowing it. Asa‘s parents’ cats are peeing all over the joint. Of course, they’re eating again.
GG is complaining to MJ that she’s not getting any. You know. ANY. So MJ wants her to go online like she did because there’s lot of balding chubbies out there just waiting to date. GG puts up her profile and starts shopping. We’re not sure what kind of site this is but somehow they can tell what kind of junk the guy has. MJ promptly likes some ugly guys for GG.
Back at Reza‘s house, Adam is looking through Reza‘s computer so it’s a good time to discuss a prenup. Adam looks hurt. He’s playing with his ring and takes it off subconsciously. There’s a tell, eh? In his Talking Head, Reza‘s sporting a Bob’s Big Boy curl on his head and explaining that “a year from now, I don’t wanna wake up and lose half my s–t.” Ah, l’amore, l’amore. Here’s Reza deal: What he has is his, which is everything from where they live to the clothes on Adam‘s back and in addition, he’s not going to pay any spousal support. Adam let’s out a meek, “Okay.”
Then Reza takes it that one step further where any self-respecting person would be in the bedroom looking for their suitcase. “We don’t have to get married,” he says. He figures they can just live together. Adam wants to know if this means he doesn’t want to get married, and this question leaves the door open for Reza to drop the “we need to spice up our relationship” bomb. Run, Adam, run! “I feel like we’re two roommates.” Welcome to the wonderful world of heterosexual marriage, Reza! You want equality, you got it now, baby!
Asa and Mike meet for lunch, and rather than having asked Mike about GG before GG screamed her head off about it at the party, she thinks now is a good time to have that heart to heart. Mike, of course, is pissed that no one told him what GG was saying so he wouldn’t be blindsided. Asa is so prescient she takes this as an indicator of guilt, and is pissed that Mike “won’t give an inch.” Well, at least she picked up the check. Or so she says.
Dodgeball time and it’s not just them — MJ decided it would be great to corral everyone into a professional group of masochists. These ARE your father’s dodge ball players! They’re out for blood! They pick teams, and we’re just waiting for this shah to cry. Unfortunately, no matter how many people Asa hits, no one’s crying and MJ‘s team Crunch wins.
So now, MJ and Asa go off to talk, and MJ says she “felt so empty like somebody carved something out of me.” Now the tears flow, and shock of all shocks, MJ apologizes to Asa. To rub it in, Asa tells MJ she turns into her Mom. So much for graciously accepting an apology. Well, without the drama, would Asa even be on this show? Nooooo.
Next time kids!
Wendy Owen is a freelance writer for All About The Tea.