Real Housewives of New York Recap: The Bitch Is Back! [Episode 1]

Finally we are back in the Big Apple with the ladies of the “Real Housewives of New York!” There are now eight housewives, so let’s jump right in with them. We begin Bethenny Frankel and her dog Cookie who are checking into the Essex House because she is one of the wealthiest homeless people in America. We learn that Bethenny didn’t really enjoy her talk show and is secretly glad that it ended. Way to give yourself a pep talk!

Next we join Kristen Taekman where there have been lots of changes in her life. For starters, her son Cash is now 6 and her daughter Kingsley, who is 2, has mastered the art of walking. Kristen says that her husband Josh has also changed and is much more helpful around the house. But of course, we will be the judge of that. He did agree to watch his own kids so that Kristen could enjoy a night out. #babysteps.

Heather Thomson, Carole Radziwill, and Kristen meet for dinner. Countess Luann de Lesseps (who has officially dropped the capital A from her name and now feels free) joins them and receives a kiss on the lips from Heather. Carole has lightened her brown hair with blonde, and all of the ladies look fantastic. Luann tells them that she has sold the old house in the Hamptons and has purchased a new home on the water and is inviting all of the ladies to her housewarming party. All of the ladies? Yes, even Sonja, who is not exactly on speaking terms with the Countess.

The quartet spill the tea on Sonja and her recent newspaper headline that read: “Sonja Morgan Creates a Boozy Scene at Molly Ringwald’s Show.” Evidently Sonja was talking through the show, even tried to get on stage, being the typical good-time-girl we know and love. Heather announces that she will not be an enabler and that Sonja needs to take a good look in the mirror. I’m sure if Sonja did, she would like what she sees, especially if she’s wearing diamonds. Luann asks about Carole’s sex life and if she’s still on Tinder, to which Carole blushes and says yes.

Bethenny is getting ready for a cocktail party in her hotel suite, disgruntled with her long pants, when Luann arrives. Flashbacks are shown of their previous rocky relationship, including the fashion show “snake” remark. Good times. Luann can see her apartment from Bethenny’s hotel view and says that she and Jacques lived together for four years. Bethenny is shocked. We are shocked. It seemed like they were only together for two seasons.

As Bethenny mixes martinis, she tells Luann that her divorce is still not final and there is no friendship with her soon to be ex, whatsoever. They switch subjects and talk about the other ladies. Luann says that Heather and Carole are good girls, but Sonja is not. They move on to Ramona and the private hell she’s going through. Luann says she has no problems with Ramona, other than their usual problems. Bethenny considers Luann to be “Switzerland” because A) Luann likes to go there and B) Luann won’t get down and dirty. If you say so, Bethenny, but like a snake in the grass, sometimes they strike.

Ramona is meeting Sonja for lunch. It’s the first time the two friends have gotten together since that no good, arrogant, cheating Mario walked out on Ramona. She looks great and tells Sonja there are good days and bad days, but all in all, there were some great times in her marriage. Sonja takes this moment to talk about herself. Yes Sonja, you were married for 7 years, but Ramona was married for 25.

This is the time to listen, but Sonja is off and running onto other subjects, namely Luann’s party in the Hamptons. Sonja has trepidations that the other ladies will gang up on her and needs Ramona to have her back. Ramona says she has a new attitude and is not getting into other people’s battles because she has enough of her own. Can it be? Is Ramona growing as a person? Sonja continues to ask for her support and Ramona gives up agrees.

Carole has a contract for another book, however, when she meets with her editor, Barbara Jones, we learn that Carole has been avoiding her calls, has missed several deadlines, and needs an extension. Carole is not in a place to isolate herself to write the book and prefers going out and having fun. Unfortunately, there could be legal ramifications for missing her deadline, which is news to Carole, so Barbara will now put Carole on a short-leash deadline.

We meet new housewife, uptown chic, Dorinda Medley, when Ramona stops by to lament about Mario. Apparently Mario told Ramona that the divorce was her fault because he didn’t like the way she treated him. Mmmm-hmmm. And I suppose it was Ramona’s fault that he cheated. It had nothing at all to do with his weak, middle-aged crisis. Through the tears, Ramona tells Dorinda that she tried to talk it over with Sonja, but Sonja wasn’t listening and was being nar-cistic.

It seems that when Mario begged for a second chance, Ramona gave it to him, but he was angry and said he didn’t like his life. Unfortunately, he said this in front of his daughter, Avery, and now she thinks that he didn’t like his life that included her. Dorinda is a good friend and consoles Ramona with a hug. Dorinda tells Ramona there comes a point when you have to walk away.

After the interstitial where Bethenny is speaking so fast at her assistants, I could barely take notes. Something about wearing an Oscar dress for the first time and then Oscar dies, how Jamie Foxx pulled her on stage to dance with him, how immune she is to negative press, and sleeping with pigs.

We return to Dorinda and her daughter Hannah at their apartment as they look at expensive shoes and a Fendi purse that is being returned. Maybe. Maybe Hannah will keep it if she gets a job. Dorinda brings out a picture of her and her boyfriend, John. Hannah cringes at the photo and tells her mom it’s gross.

Over at Casa Sonja, she is conversing with her interns and giving them instructions for the day. Sonja calls herself the “intern queen” who “used to be classy but now is trashy.” Hopefully this t-shirt will be available in her clothing line. We also hear about the movie that never was and how Sonja almost has the seven million dollar law suit settled, after selling her house in France. As she gets a placenta facial, Sonja blabs to the facialist that is known to blab, that everyone knows her blabbity-blab business. Sonja vows that her unsupportive friends will soon be eating crow. Hopefully there is a Skinnygirl Crow recipe available.

Dorinda meets her boyfriend John who owns the drycleaner used by wealthy socialites. She cannot break up with the man because it will put a serious dent in her dry-cleaning budget. Dorinda sees a gold dress hanging in the shop and says it’s worth $10,000. We learn that the dress is getting repairs due to the husband ripping it off of the wife. Of course, all of the wealthy socialites in the neighborhood will recognize this gold dress that weighs twenty-five pounds and know who the couple are. Thanks for sharing John, but you might have lost two customers.

Dorinda informs us that her late husband Richard and current boyfriend John are completely different. Richard was smart, intellectual, kind, and fun. John is a showboat, machismos, and a little Mafia (in a plump body). John suggests that Dorinda borrow the expensive gold, dress. Thankfully Dorinda declines and requests that John buy her one. John has probably now lost a few more customers.

Bethenny is with realtor Fredrick Eklund from ‘Million Dollar Listing New York’ to go look at office space for her assistants. Bethenny explains that she doesn’t live in her Tribeca place because the soon to be ex has squatters rights and she can’t live in her new Soho place because the renovations aren’t completed yet. She needs office space because she’s quite sure that Oprah and Bill Gates don’t change their underwear in the backseat of a car. After viewing the office/apartment, Bethenny and the two real estate agents all discuss how negotiating arouses them. So does pleasuring herself and men with bubble butts. Put it in a book, will you – wait – I’m sure you already have.

Back in the car, things get emotional when Bethenny confesses that she would like another baby, but she is on her last leg, time is running out, and being Halle Berry is not in the cards. Of course, first she needs to find a place to live full time besides the house in the Hamptons or the many hotels she’s hopping between. Simply put, Bethenny doesn’t want the same life back, she wants a new life.

Tune in next week when all of the ladies are in one room and the drama flies farther than a tossed Skinnygirl cocktail.

 

“Like” us on Facebook  “Follow” us on Twitter and on Instagram