Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Recap: Part 2 [Season 5]

It’s part two of the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” reunion and as the season rehashing continues, we review newbie Eileen Davidson’s long career. She decided to join the cast to do something new, and  to prove to herself that she can handle it when people act mortified at such a sketchy career move.  We are reminded that Brandi is a superfan of this Emmy winner, but only when she’s a soap character, because Brandi automatically hates all female real-life homewreckers. The wine fling, and a greatest hits reel of Glanville blurts is rewound, and Brandi opines that Eileen is a big snooze that should be kicked off the show.

Eileen is peeved that Brandi made a big deal about her past history with Vince, and Lisa R chalks it up to Brandi being dropped on her head or some such trauma as a child. Eileen knows that she is an amazing stepmother to Vince’s kids, but Brandi loftily points out that she has chosen to never befriend homewrecking floozies, and as a result, is voted in as the new moral compass of the franchise. Brandi begs off, because she is more suited to conflict, flinging wine, and endless apologizing. Queen Lisa cries foul over the rinse and  repeat shtick, and surmises that Brandi gets away with anything, as long as she pretends that she regrets it. Brandi whines about Lisa and Kyle being friends again, and is peeved that she has been tagged as the new it-girl whenever anyone pictures a trashy mom. Lisa R reminds her that the reference was a joke, and solely based on her super trashy appearance. Brandi blasts Lisa R for having a tired hairdo, and Lisa blasts her back by doing a little dance and double flipping her off, while pushing her to remember that time is running out for her to land that coveted tampon endorsement.

Kim sticks up for Brandi, by uncreatively commenting that “Brandi is Brandi”…even when she calls her a meth head, because those kind of charming accusations make her bestie pathetically who she is. Kyle points out that Brandi has problems with everyone on the cast, and Lisa R jumps in, adding that she can dish it out, but plays victim as soon as she gets it back. A viewer nails Brandi as being jealous of her soap idol’s life, but Brandi disagrees, and asserts that being an a**hole is just a personality trait. A Beverly Hills teen rundown is shown, and the often spoiled lives of the women’s offspring is reviewed.

A viewer criticizes Queen Lisa for allowing Max to live on his own with no electricity, and Lisa fires back that she doesn’t feel badly at all that she allowed that slacker to suffer while she was busting her hump working. Another viewer challenges her to promote him past the jerk wads that are featured on her other Bravo show, and Lisa explains that he needs to advance via hard work, not through another tacky reality show. Lisa R and Eileen discuss how they work to keep their home lives “simple,” and Eileen puzzles Queen Lisa when she reveals that she drives something known as a “Ford.”

We relive Kim’s “ornery” evening at Eileen’s poker night and the fallout afterwards, all leading up to the most epic episode of the season, when Lisa R let the junkie have it in Amsterdam.  Lisa R shares that when Kim picked her up for poker night, she spoke to her like a high as a kite loon, which made the upcoming hour-long car ride feel like an impending scary nightmare. Kim makes up a new version of how she and Kyle communicated that night, as Bravo airs what really happened. Kim believes that she has explained her crazy self enough, and does not consider it a classic addict relapse, nor a predictable junkie denial.

Lisa R agrees, because the whole messy truth was captured on film, and proves her point when she sets Kim up to recall a memory accurately, which she of course, fails. Kim responds by predictably lashing back, and blames Lisa R for destroying all of the hard work she has put into convincing people that she’s not a hot mess. We relive a sloshed Brandi leading a lit Kim from the poker party, and the tussle between Kyle and Brandi that followed. Kyle explains that a careening drunk tends to be a lame escort,  and the cast screams SHUT UP at each other about a dozen times, before a merciful commercial break busts up the noisy fun. Eileen explains that her concern stemmed from Kim’s erratic behavior in her home, and Queen Lisa backs her up.

Lisa R explains that she has experienced death from addiction, and Kim responds by smirking and throwing out a snarky comeback. Kim abruptly switches gears, and pulls out her acting chops just in time to wipe away the smirk, and insincerely express that she feels simply terrible for her.  The user confrontations are rewound, and Kim is incensed  that her one whoopsie fairy tale wasn’t blindly accepted. The deflecting threat to expose Harry in Amsterdam is brought up, and Kim practically denies that she was ever in Amsterdam. Lisa R tells her to bring it on, and spill the truth in front of America and her children, and Kim has a big zilch…and is caught red handed in a bluff.  Kim claims it was something that she had “heard,” and Lisa R accurately calls it flat out BS.  They argue the difference between wine flinging and wine flinging with a glass chaser, Lisa R admits that she was off the rails, and Brandi once again butts in and makes it about herself.  

Kim apologizes to Eileen, when she looks around and realizes that she looks like a raging witch, and admits that she can’t remember much of what she says when she’s wrapped up in defending her pretend soberness. There’s a cute filler scene with Kyle and Queen Lisa, featuring a scheme to fake raging diarrhea, filling the need for a light drama break. We jump back just in time to hear that Kathy is forever on Kim’s side, with Kyle shooting back that her nasty actions are indefensible. Kyle accuses Brandi of loving the sister conflict, and Kim of being abusive and mean.  The real tea is spilled when we hear of Kyle’s fear of being disconnected from Kim’s children, beginning with her daughter’s wedding. Kim denies the accusation, but it sure appears as if this threat has been floated between the two of them.

Things get real next week, on the official last episode of the season…see you there!

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