This week we join the not-so happy couple, Thomas Ravenel and Kathryn Calhoun Dennis, as the drive to nowhere, rehashing the guest list of last week’s dinner party. Basically, why did Thomas invite Jennifer Snowden. Thomas explains that he is not out chasing women, but he is struggling with their 29 year age difference. Spilt milk, Thomas. Get over it. Kathryn says she wants some R-E-S-P-E-C-T and he had better find out what that means to her. Thomas reluctantly apologizes for his misstep.
Next, we are at the beach house that Shep Rose and Whitney Sudler-Smith will share for the next two months. The home is furnished so Whitney only brings a few things with him like his guitar and a new duvet. Shep doesn’t know what a duvet is or does. In fact, Shep is very surprised that Whitney wants to share the beach rental with him, thinking he would prefer to hang upside down in his dark closet.
But wait – we learn that Whitney has a ladyfriend. Isn’t that sweet, y’all. She’s an actress/model/reality star by the name of LaRissa Marolt. Whitney says he is mostly turned on by her German accent. Rumor has it we will get to meet her sometime this season, even though she is very, very busy doing her actress/model/reality work. Danke!
Cameran Eubanks and Craig Conover go fishing in the middle of the day because it’s not like Craig needs to show up at the law firm or study for the bar. Fishing is exactly what he wants to be doing at this moment. They discuss the awkward dinner party and how it doesn’t appear as if Kathryn and Thomas like each other anymore. Craig explains he doesn’t plan to marry until he’s 35 because for now, girls are his hobby. Have I mentioned what a catch this guy is? But according to Cameran, Craig needs to work because he is not privileged enough to live a life of privilege.
Landon Clements and her little sister meet for wine and cheese on the Miss Adventure to discuss her painful divorce. Landon has plans to go to court so she can reclaim her maiden name. We learn that Landon is the first person in her family to ever get a divorce, and since she’s been back in Charleston, Landon has not yet visited her mother. It’s not that her mom is ashamed of her, just that Landon feels bad that she didn’t meet her mom’s expectations. But here’s the tea on Landon’s “James Bond Brit” ex-husband as she refers to him on her Bravo bio. His name is James Maby, and he was briefly married to Stacy Dash (Clueless, Single Ladies) whom he has a daughter with.
Kathryn meets Jennifer for cocktails so that they may have a conversation like adults. Jennifer explains that she met Thomas through her mom. They became close last year when Thomas needed a friend to confide in about getting Kathryn knocked-up. Jennifer says that their relationship was not inappropriate at all, y’all. In a talking head interview Kathryn says that her women’s intuition is superior. She asks Jennifer if anything ever “happened” between her and Thomas. Jennifer trips and stumbles all over her words, barely getting out the declaration that nothing happened between them “recently.” Kathryn’s superior intuition tells her to believe Jennifer.
Back at the beach, Shep and Whitney are getting ready for their housewarming party. Whitney is overseeing the margarita machine, his trademark party perk. Everyone arrives and we learn from Cameran that the beach house, located on Sullivan’s Island, the Beverly Hills of Charleston, is listed for 1,699,000. Thomas arrives sans Kathryn who is still back at the plantation trying to find something to wear. Cooper, who is a premier men’s designer, is again wearing a pink jacket and wants Shep and Craig to be in his fashion runway-ish show that he’s planning.
Whitney and Thomas are in his bedroom discussing that women dress for other women and men never do that. (Except these two.) Thomas jokes that Whitney not having anything to wear is like Imelda Marcos not having a pair of shoes. History lesson: She is the exiled first lady of the Philippines known for having 3,000 pairs of shoes. History lesson over.
Kathryn finally arrives and is wearing boring white sweater with boring white stretch pants, according to Whitney. Bryan, Whitney’s business partner shows up at the party just to let him know that he’s sick and tired of doing all the work for their new, upscale Mexican restaurant. Apparently Whitney does not do day-to-day grunt work and has a low threshold to getting his hands dirty. Craig is on board for the fashion show if for no other reason than to help himself to some clothes from the rack.
It’s time to film the campaign commercials and they are filming at Patricia Altschul’s, aka Whitney’s mom, home. Here is the gist of the first commercial: shot on the balcony, young girls dancing, deejay playing, everyone raising their hands in the air like they don’t care. The slogan: Thomas likes to “Raise the Roof” but he won’t raise your taxes. Or something like that. The fact that these guys thought this was a good idea amuses me.
During the filming of a more serious commercial where Thomas slams Senator Lindsey Graham, Patricia walks in the room pushing her dog Siegfried in a baby stroller. The only advice Patricia offers is for Thomas to straighten his shirt. Why should she bother? Let’s face it, Thomas has a better chance of getting eaten by a shark even if he never swims in the ocean, than winning this election.
Kathryn is meeting Thomas for dinner, happy to have a date night with her old man. She is prepared to let things go and focus on the big picture. Or so she says. Thomas tells her about the commercials, briefly glazing over the dancing girls. When Kathryn has more questions about the commercial designed to “appeal to a younger crowd” we learn that the dancing girls in the commercial are Kathryn’s sorority friends. Kathryn has three things to say: 1) Lame 2) Eww 3) What are you thinking?
Kathryn lets Thomas know this is not cool and he needs to stop listening to Whitney. She then tells Thomas he’s stupid. Thomas tries to explain that there wasn’t enough money in the budget to shoot a family scene. (Thomas, stop talking.) He feels that Kathryn is irrational, young, and overeating. (Really, Thomas, stop.) Kathryn wants an apology, but Thomas says he didn’t do anything wrong. (Thomas, you were warned.) Kathryn tosses her napkin in Thomas’s face and walks out. We are left with the distressing words…to be continued.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.