Southern Charm Recap: Season 2 Premiere

We return to Charleston, South Carolina, for season 2 of “Southern Charm.” The theme of tonight’s show is how hot Charleston is in August. Tourists beware. Since we last saw the crew, Cameran Eubanks, the sweet southern voice of reason, has gotten married to a doctor, Jason Wimberly, though we don’t meet him. She is still struggling in her real estate career and is castmate, Shep Rose’s agent.

Cameran stops by to visit Shep at the three-story, unfinished home he is currently building. Shep says that he won’t be cooking breakfast for any of the ladies in his new kitchen when it’s finished, and they’ll be lucky to get cab fair home. What a catch, girls!

Shep’s dive bar, Paradise Hotel, is up and running, and he tells Cameran of his plans to live with Whitney Sudler-Smith for two months at the beach until his house is complete.

As you may recall, Thomas Ravenel who is 29 years older than his girlfriend, Kathryn Dennis, had a baby at the end of last season. Cameran and Shep discuss attending the second christening for baby girl Kensington, and if they have to bring another gift. Cameran says they do. The reason for the second christening is a spiritual do-over. Apparently, the first godmother was fired from her duties for flirting with Thomas after the ceremony. They are having a second chritening so that the heavens will understand, even though we do not.

Next we join Patricia, Whitney’s mom that he still lives with, as they discuss the poor taste of having two christenings. Whitney didn’t attend the first christening because he was in Europe. When mom Patricia asks son Whitney about his restaurant planning, something he’s been talking about since last season, we hear the southern crickets chirp.

In addition to his all important child’s christening, Thomas wants to run for State Senator again. Last time he was elected to office he had to resign after six months for a cocaine indictment and conviction. He served ten months in federal prison, something that coincidentally happens to a lot of Bravolebrities. According to Thomas, he wasn’t selling the cocaine, you see, he was merely sharing it. This is what Dr. Phil calls a distinction without a difference. Thomas needs 10K signatures to get his name of the upcoming ballot.

Over at Craig Conover’s bachelor pad he is fast asleep after a long night of drinking and hitting on women. He rudely receives a phone call from his boss asking him to come to the law office. When Craig manages to make it in, his boss Casey explains that he needs to come in at nine…in the morning. Craig doesn’t understand why it matters what time he gets to the office if he gets all of his work done. Craig says he’ll start coming in at nine, but not with much conviction.

Thomas stops by friends and newly assigned godparents, JD and Elizabeth’s house, and their four, maybe five, kids running around as he tries to navigate baby gates. Thomas explains that the rubbing of his leg by the ousted godmother was misconstrued by Kathryn. Thomas also explains that he and Kathryn are in a committed relationship, but he’s not sure about marriage yet because Kathryn is “crazy and paranoid.” Great qualities when searching for the mother of your child, Thomas. Can’t wait to see your political campaign, if that’s your logic.

Kathryn arrives to join the godparents for dinner, looking disheveled and complaining about the hour and a half drive. Thomas has sold his downtown Charleston home for 3.3 million and now resides only at the plantation that Kathryn calls the boondocks. 

It’s the day of the christening and it is hot outside. How hot is it? Hot enough that everyone is required to mention it at least three times. Cameran picks up Craig to drive out to the boondocks and he tells Cameran that she only has ten years left of being hot. And not hot like the temperature of the outdoor christening in August. Hot like, baby you’re so hot you could bake cookies, hot. Cameran should have pulled over and dropped Craig’s butt off on the hot road, in the hot sun.

At the plantation, Pastor Bryant, who doesn’t mind performing the ceremony again (for the cameras) gives Thomas some advice that we all can use: When in doubt, don’t. Words to live by. Of course, Thomas could have used that advice nine months ago. 

Patricia is getting ready and Michael, her butler, is preparing her alcohol to-go bag. A lady is always prepared. And she is with car-tinis! I guess South Carolina doesn’t mind open containers if you’re in a chauffer-driven Bentley. She is bringing her friend Cooper in his pink jacket as her escort and drinking buddy.

Shep is picking up his date and new girl to the show, Landon. They’ve been friends for a long time, and after a short-lived marriage that ended in divorce in Los Angeles, Landon has returned to Charleston. She’s a giggly little thing, but looks like fun. Shep reminisces that the plantation used to be a bachelor pad, but is now as fun as a morgue.

There are a lot of empty chairs at the outdoor ceremony. Thomas gives an awkward speech – and this guy’s a politician? – telling his single guy friends (all two of them in attendance) that they need to get with the program and have a baby. But it’s too hot. Nobody even wants to think about what it would take to make a baby in this heat. The baby is adorable and doesn’t cry when the water is poured on her head, but this is her second go’round and she’s the only one cooling off.

Whitney, who is as metrosexual as they come, arrives late and doesn’t look happy to be there. He feels as if Kathryn has taken advantage of Thomas. Really? A 22 year-old girl took advantage of a 50 year-old ex-convict? Let’s call it a push. But Whitney doesn’t stop there. In his talking head interview, Whitney calls Kathryn an evil, white-trash, hillbilly, femme fatale. Sounds like somebody’s jealous!

After the christening, Cameran asks Kathryn if she’s ready to have another baby. Who does that? That’s like asking someone who’s just gotten out of jail if they are ready to go back. (Thomas-care to answer?) Tune in next week when Thomas announces his plans to run for the State Senate, but can’t find the words to talk about his commitment to Kathryn.

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