This episode of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” starts with Phaedra arriving at Porsha’s home for dinner, wine and girl talk. Porsha is cooking dinner from a bag concentrating like her life depends on this meal. Baby steps Porsha, baby steps. Phaedra discusses her meeting with Cynthia. Her version was that she was extremely pleasant and Cynthia was all hands and gestures. In her talking head, she shades Cynthia as a plus size model (really Phaedra?). Phaedra tells Porsha that they all know dirt on each other, but that doesn’t mean it should be discussed in public. Porsha says she knows Peter’s dirt and asks if Phaedra really knows dirt on Cynthia. Phaedra says yes (I’m guessing from her new BFF Nene). Phaedra says she is just too fragile to attend the group therapy session. #SheWillSeekComfortWithChocolate
Kandi is looking at fond family memories of her granddaddy in a zebra print photo album when Todd walks in. She tells him about the spirituality of her family members and she wishes they had that now. Todd mentions ‘Kandi Koated Nights’ i.e. you have a smut show honey and that’s not holy. Kandi pooh poohs Todd and feels they could try a little Jesus. She tells Todd they should work on their family dynamic. Todd plays with his wedding band and expresses his displeasure in marriage counseling. Kandi decides to utilize the tools suggested with a game of pros vs. cons. She tells Todd the pros of their relationship were when they kissed for hours. The con is that the romance is gone and Todd is mad all the time and fusses a lot. It is now Todd’s turn. Todd’s says the cons are that Kandi doesn’t deal with any of their problems (Mama Joyce). Kandi asks about the pros and Todd waits, and waits and waits. He finally says she is family oriented. Okay. They both decide to drop the experiment and tend to business, in separate rooms. #SignUp4MarriageBootCampRealityStars
Next, we have Claudia who wants to become a stand-up comic. She meets with her co-host, Gary from the Rickey Smiley show. She brings homemade lasagna. They have girl talk about how hard it is in Atlanta to find a boo. Claudia mentions to Gary that she doesn’t want to always be the voice of reason on the show, she wants to show her funny side as well. Gary tells her to basically stay in her lane and leave the comedy to Rickey Smiley, her boss who is a comedian. Claudia isn’t giving up the ideal. I say go for it girl and hone your craft because I have laughed my azz off when you read Nene and Porsha for filth. #DefyTheGlassCeiling.
Speaking of bulls in a china shop, Nene is arriving at Phaedra’s home sporting her wig from the Heat Miser collection. #BishStoleHisLook. Even Ayden shades Nene and asks “how are those made.” The nanny laughs and it goes over Nene’s wig #ILoveThatKid. Inside the Mansion that Lies Built, Phaedra fixes Nene her favorite drink – alcohol – and they discuss how Nene is the best friend ever because she got in her car and drove miles to sit with Phaedra to discuss how Phaedra is so very sad and has no friends and no huzzband.
Nene then asks about Kandi. #Shady. Phaedra tells Nene there is a disconnect between she and Kandi and Kandi hasn’t been there for her. Phaedra tries to squeeze out a few tears. #Fail. Nene continues to plant seeds of doubt about her friendship with Kandi. They gloss over the subject of Mr. Chocolate. Nene asks has Phaedra attended church, ya know, because Nene is so religious. Phaedra says she attends every other day, probably in between her how-to-curse-like-a-sailor-and-still-praise-Jesus meetings. They continue to bond over alcohol and slamming the other ladies because that’s what true friends do, right.
Claudia on her quest for comedy meets with the funny as hell Luenell. Luenell tells Claudia that comedy is not as easy as it looks but she supports her decision. Luenell says she has a hot date with a male THOT who has mommy issues so she has to go.
Kandi visits Phaedra at her *cough* office where Phaedra is signing up for a continuing legal education course on Arbitration and Mediation so she can at least keep her license current, even if she isn’t practicing law. Kandi and Phaedra kiss and hug each other and share small talk about Kandi’s sexless marriage. Kandi then shares her conversation she had with Nene and wants to know why her BFF Phaedra is discussing problems about Kandi with Nene her enemy. Phaedra says she never told Nene anything derogatory about Kandi (Lie #1) but that she feels that Kandi hasn’t been there for her because she has been going through so much. Through tears, Kandi tells Phaedra she has been going through a lot as well, including a failed production. Phaedra says in her talking head that a failed business is nothing to lose sleep over because Kandi is still a millionaire. Oh yea, ask Apollo if he hasn’t lost sleep when his business ventures took a nose dive. Phaedra says Kandi should be more concerned that Phaedra is all alone in this world. She attempts to wipe away either a tear or fix her lash that is becoming unglued. I cannot tell. Kandi reminds Phaedra that Nene turns on every “friend” she has had and she will use all their personal information against them. Phaedra tells her she is not coming to group therapy because she hates Cynthia. Kandi says if you can forgive Nene who hated you surely as a Christian woman you can forgive Cynthia. Phaedra doesn’t care. Kandi you have been replaced.
And now the good stuff: Nene is having a meeting with the therapist, to get a heads up on what will be discussed in group therapy. Who does that? Dr. Jeff reiterates that he is there for the group, not just her. Porsha and Kandi arrive. Guess what type of outfit Porsha is wearing. We’ll wait. Cynthia, Kenya and Claudia walks into the room. Dr. Jeff gives Nene the floor. Nene says because she is the head bish in charge she feels all the ladies try to come for her. #Victim. She tried to bring all the ladies together at lunch but Kenya did not attend. She never mentions Phaedra’s absence, but whatever. She feels the group is very negative, that they are not using their grown woman-ness and they have lost their fun-ness. WTH? Dr. Jeff invites Kenya to decipher the nonsensical language of Nene. Kenya clears up that she was not invited to Nene’s Mexican luncheon.
Nene interrupts Kenya and barks “we are not gonna go back and forth!” Kenya says she wasn’t, she was simply answering a question from Dr. Jeff. Nene tried to dictate to Kenya what Kenya will discuss. Dr. Jeff says this session is for all of the ladies to express their feelings and Nene should talk to them not at them. He says he is here to represent all of them. Nene says “you do not represent me and you don’t know me like that.” Well damn. Kenya tries, again to state her problems with Nene such as: one day you hug me and say we are friends, and the next day, nothing but shade. Nene denies this. Bravo shows the receipts. Nene’s eyelashes began to flutter fast.
Nene says she and Kenya were never friends. Not ever. However, Nene says in her talking head she and Kenya will never be friends – again. Ok which one is it, were you friends or not? Dr. Jeff asks can Nene at least admit that she once had feelings of friendship towards Kenya. Nene asks what‘s feelings? Okay, this is going nowhere. Next is Claudia’s turn. Claudia says her problem with Nene is that she is friendly towards her one day and then the next day, shade and expressing bi-polar behavior. Nene snaps at the bi-polar comment and threatens Claudia. Dr. Jeff asks that she doesn’t diagnose Nene. Kandi is laughing and eating. Kandi mentions a valid point in her talking head.
Her marriage counseling sessions taught her that basically a hit dog will always bark and guess who is barking a lot during this group therapy? Cynthia is asked to start. First Cynthia says she accepts full responsibility regarding her part in the demise of their friendship. She says their problems started to come to a head when Nene was disrespectful to Peter first at Kenya’s charity function and then by calling him a bish. Nene denies the timing of the bish comment and of course, Bravo shows the receipts. Nene yells it was planned. Cynthia and Nene go back and forth. Nene calls Cynthia a mean girl. Cynthia says the mean girl is calling someone a mean girl. Nene gets louder and Dr. Jeff says Nene should not talk over people. Cynthia says NeNe always talks over people. It is now Kandi’s turn. Kandi says Nene is wrong in thinking everyone wants to come for her.
She says she does not attack Nene, and when she first joined the group Nene bee-lined for Kandi always. Insert Bravo footage of Nene yelling in Kandi’s face because Kandi gave Kim a hit song (Tardy for the Party) and Kandi was trying to walk away. Kandi then drops the serious tea on how Nene tries to turn on folks after she is finished with them, like she did to her closest BFF Cynthia with their boss Andy. Cue the WWHL footage of Nene basically telling Andy to fire Cynthia because she adds nothing to the show. #NastyNeneMessingWithFolksCoins. That’s it. Nene packs her toys, grabs her bags, and makes her dramatic exit out the door. Dr. Jeff follows her down the hall and into the elevator. Nene says she is outta here because this is attack Nene day. The remaining ladies speak about how Nene is: (1) the one who called the group therapy session, and (2) is the common denominator of all the arguments. Porsha remains mute about her boss Nene and chews her lip like a nervous minion.
Next week, Nene shades Dr. Jeff and tells him he needs to worry about his license, Porsha is cursing during the group therapy and Phaedra is finally seeing a divorce attorney. Stay tuned.