Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: A Housewives Intervention [Episode 16]

Peter, who apparently has arrived – again, is getting ready to salute his excellence, I mean the excellence of Atlanta. He is glad he doesn’t have to borrow any more CotDayum money from his Cynthia. They discuss the dinner where Cynthia attempted to spill tea into Phaedra’s Southern Discomfort. Cynthia is upset about the whore-pocrasy of it all. Peter agrees, but says she still cannot publically call Phaedra a whore (probably because he doesn’t want a lawsuit.) and they should just stay out of it.  

Meanwhile at Fake-A-Friendship-Function lunch Porsha and Phaedra have surf and turf while discussing the shocking allegations of last night’s dinner. #TheHorror. Phaedra just cannot believe that Cynthia, whom she really doesn’t give a phuck about, would attempt to spill all her business in public. Oh chile the nerve. In her talking head, wearing a chandelier dress that would make Sia proud, Phaedra says Cynthia is becoming a mean girl. Aww, pretty hurts huh? Porsha continues to infer that Kandi is a fake friend to Phaedra (yes plant those seeds, oh disciple of NeNe). Porsha also says that Cynthia should worry about all the people Peter continues to sleep with in Atlanta (just hateful) instead of what type of chocolate Phaedra is munching these days. After co-signing with a “tell the truth, shame the devil, gurl,” Phaedra also says Cynthia owes her an apology because who spread lies when they are simply not true – who does that? Uh YOU DO PHAEDRA. #PotPleaseSayHello2Kettle  Then they make a joke about Ebola and those who are suffering from it. Nice.

Kandi and Todd are at marriage counseling with Dr. Sherry Blake, because Porsha recommended her. #Wait4It. She asks why are they here because they should be in the honeymoon phase.  Todd drops the real tea – he is pissed, not so much about a bonnet, but the PRENUP. He feels Kandi showed her ass when it came down to the non-negotiation of it all. Todd says Kandi basically told him – no signature as is, no marriage. Kandi denies this and says that her attitude wasn’t that bad. Cue shady Bravo and their footage showing Kandi telling Todd “what? You feel you should get somma my money?” with a snarl and a side of stank. Kandi feels Todd is just being sensitive. Todd is not feeling Kandi or this marriage at all. Kandi wonders out loud if Todd is having an affair because he sure isn’t touching her bedroom Kandi these days. Todd evades the question. Kandi notices the deflection, but says nothing. In her talking head she says whatever is in the dark will come to light. Yup, just like your foul attitude. Start working on that equitable distribution honey. Dr. Sherry gives them homework, because marriage is, ya know, WORK. 

At Peter’s Salute to Atlanta’s Excellence (because I don’t see any other celebrities from any other state present) Cynthia is working the red carpet while Kandi, Kenya, Demetria and Claudia arrive. Cynthia dismisses Peter because she doesn’t want him gossiping with the girls. Peter leaves and starts gossiping with Todd. Todd admits that he and Kandi were both told about Phaedra’s cheating and were shown text messages  – in color – by Apollo. Back with the ladies, Kenya decides to show Cynthia  how to get someone to spill tea on camera without really trying.  Instead of directly asking Kandi does she believe chocolate-gate, she asks if Kandi’s resistance to immediately comfort her BFF last night was because she knew the real scoop on chocolate-gate. 

Kandi refuses to give up the tea, and instead retorts “no” and  that Apollo is always saying something so she just wants to stay neutral. Further in her talking head, Kandi doesn’t deny that she doesn’t believe Phaedra never cheated but, like a ride or die friend, simply says it is really none of Kenya’s business. Kandi does admit to the ladies that she is NOT feeling or believing the new friendship of Nene and Phaedra. At the dinner, Kandi gets an award from Peter for being a great business woman of Atlanta (and probably for switching sides). 

NeNe in her favorite ramen noodles hair hat, is visiting psychologist, Dr. Jeff, because she is so upset there is division within the group. #NoEmmy4YouNene. Dr. Jeff listens to NeNe speaking of wanting to bring the girls together and restore friendships. She mentions the good ole days when she and Cynthia were acting like they were dating, I mean like sisters, and loving each other.  Then she switches gears and tells Dr. Jeff she isn’t looking for a friendship, just understanding and respect. Dr. Jeff tells NeNe she must also be willing to reciprocate respect. He then adds that when he comes to meet with the ladies he is calling EVERYONE out, including NeNe because this will be a neutral and fair therapy session. #MyNewHero.

Cynthia decides to call Phaedra to meet with her to discuss why she spilled all that tea about Phaedra’s unclean buttermilk in public. Cynthia is wearing burgundy and the devil, Phaedra, is wearing red. Phaedra gives Cynthia the silent treatment and tries to use a lawyer like move of shifting the burden of proof back to Cynthia to see if she will bite and beg for forgiveness. Cynthia isn’t biting. She says wasn’t being malicious when she brought up the topic at dinner but was simply trying to put it all out on the table (and on camera). Phaedra scolds Cynthia about not checking her facts. Cynthia sees Phaedra’s scolding and raises it with “none of the ladies in this circle fact-check, including you.” Boom. #SoTrue. Phaedra, defeated, gets up and walks out, but not without cursing about whooping somebody’s ass to someone in her car with extremely tinted windows whom she constantly refers to as “gurl.”  Interesting. 

Kandi is at her store TAGS when Mama Joyce walks in. MJ says she doesn’t see Kandi anymore now that she is married#ToddsFault. She also asks how are Kandi and Todd getting along.  #LoadedQuestion. Kandi dodges that bullet.  Then the machine gun voice starts and Kandi is crying. I get it, the gurl is beyond stressed. Her marriage is in shambles, her friendship with Phaedra is in shambles, her play about ‘A Mother’s Love’ is in shambles and she is gaining weight.  Mama Joyce, who doesn’t have time to give her daughter a hug, simply hands over a copy of her house keys and the garage door opener. Of course, she mentions to Kandi that now that the old house that Kandi originally gave her has been repaired, she wants it back.  #SomeThingsNeverChange

NeNe is hosting a lunch with all the girls at a Mexican restaurant. She invites everyone but Kenya and Phaedra. Claudia and Demetria arrive. Kandi and Cynthia arrive shortly thereafter.  Then Porsha walks in the room looking like she borrowed something from Schenna Marie’s closet from Vanderpump Rules #HellNo. NeNe explains to them that the purpose of this meeting was to mend fences, agree to go to group therapy; and for them to listen to her talk and nobody else. Cynthia calls B.S. and so do I. Cynthia and NeNe go back and forth a bit, but then Cynthia throws in the towel because she knows she will never win in an argument with the Loud Mouth of the South NeNe. 

NeNe insists that she wants peace amongst the ladies (insert eye roll here) and then tells them “see, look how I fixed things with Claudia.” Claudia then tells NeNe that you said a lot of nasty things in Puerto Rico without merit, apologized, but never explained why. NeNe basically tells Claudia, “and you’re not going to get an explanation either. I said what I said, so move on!”  Speaking of moving on, Cynthia then asks why she and NeNe cannot move on. NeNe, with dead eyes, dismisses her with “we will discuss that with Dr. Jeff.” #Cold. 

Kandi is sick of any type of therapy and tells them she is not coming. This is when NeNe and Porsha tell her “oh you really need to come boo boo because Phaedra is not happy with you!”  Say what now? Cynthia decides to leave. Claudia and Demetria say they are leaving also. NeNe tosses out “I will get the check.” Claudia responds “you should  – remember you are a rich bish so I would expect nothing less!” I LOVE CLAUDIA. Besides, didn’t NeNe invite them to the luncheon? Porsha and NeNe work double-time on Kandi’s insecurities about how she was not a good friend to Phaedra during the luncheon. Kandi asks them did Phaedra tell them something? Of course they deny that she did, but say they had a feeling Phaedra isn’t happy with Kandi so she really should come to the therapy session. #Lies #ISmellAnotherSetUp 

Next week, tear, tears, and mo tears. Plus, NeNe apparently gets her wig cap handed to her because we see her running out of the session she initiated with Dr. Jeff chasing behind her. 

 

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