#SisterWives Recap: The Divorce [Season Finale]

The night has arrived…the big ‘TRUTH’ on “Sister Wives,” with Kody and Meri Brown dropping the D-BOMB announcement on America. The ‘truth’ is predictable, guessed by hundreds, that Meri is stepping off her legal throne in order for Kody to pursue adopting Robyn’s children, who currently have a  father, who is actually alive. Robyn’s three children’s father is evidently believed to be unfit, and they want to make sure that the Browns can stake claim on his children in the event of something happening to Robyn.

Meri explains, in strangely fresh and new looking footage, what we all already know…that there is one legal wife and three spiritual mistresses in the Brown clan. She comments that polygamy is definitely looked down upon, as TLC tries to pull on our heartstrings by flashing family pics and a gross Meri and Kody wedding moment. Meri thinks that it’s weird, and believes that the divorce will cause quite a shift, but the lawyer assures her that the switcheroo will be no sweat, and an easy done deal. We are led to believe that Robyn and Kody know NOTHING about Meri’s martyr-like love offering, as Meri summons the happy spiritual couple to her home to break the good news. We watch some film of Kodes  rocking a ponytail, a la Bruce Jenner, and the footage  looks brand spanking new. Meri breaks the news to Robyn and Kody, and Robyn is simply SHOCKED, natch, but she immediately accepts with a ‘hell yeah.’ Kody furrows his brow, but agrees, and assures Meri that a spiritual mistress is just as legit, in all the ways that count. Kody wants to make sure that the D word doesn’t mean DUMP, as well as being certain that nothing will cool between he and Robyn, if she gets promoted from hot mistress to a boring old ball and chain.

Robyn works up some thankful tears, but Meri does not look happy, and her body language looks uncomfortable. We hear about the dead beat that Robyn had, count ’em, THREE kids with, the stellar father that Kody has always and forevermore will be, and the obvious wisdom of this chosen direction. They decide that the other two mistresses need to know, and Meri is concerned that they will be justifiably annoyed that they were skipped over for the promotion, even though they have all been forced to look at Kody’s hair much longer. They break the news to Mariah, and are worried, but due to the fact that she’s headed for plural marriage herself, she takes it like a champ. Janelle and Christine are summoned next, and Christine bubbles over with joy at the saint-like generous gesture. Christine reminds us all that legal is no biggie anyway, and spiritual is where it’s at.

Janelle is clearly over this mess, and barely reacts. Christine just doesn’t care who is legal, because it’s sure not her, and the kids are really the important ones. Janelle is shocked because the move is going to screw up their tax return, and that’s her only heartfelt observation.  Robyn chalks it up to Janelle having an extra cranky day. Kodes and Janelle have a sit down, and she shares her concern that due to her hatred of change, she is worried. Janelle is the smart one, and is concerned that Kody really loves Robyn best, but swallows her worry for the children. Kody insists that they are ALL married, and the legal doesn’t matter…but admits that all of them are worried that this ‘procedural’ shift, might change the behavior of any or all of them. Janelle admits that she has insecurities, and her footage is the only segment that seems genuine.

We watch Meri print out the divorce papers in her best bedazzled top, and hear that she’s is feeling icky and dizzy, probably due to the fact that she is being shoved off balance and  hard into 2nd place. She reads over the paragraphs with Kody, and they giggle together over signing such a silly piece of paper. Meri is feeling somber, but Robyn lightens the mood when she arrives in a matching ugly blazer. Robyn is witnessing the signing, and is committed to faking best friend status in order to keep  Meri from passing out through the process.

They arrive at the lawyer’s office, and learn of Robyn’s worry about the one down side of being #1 on the Brown cul de sac, the super stressful possibility of Kody dropping dead while sprinting between beds, and leaving her in charge. The lawyer kicks off the festivities by cracking a joke, and they all laugh nervously. Kody stupidly blathers about the horror of a made up concern called a spiritual annulment, and asks if they could ever be perceived as big frauds, like those annoying anthropology students. They all chortle about the zany notion of Meri scoring alimony, and the papers are shakily signed… GASP!!  Some sister-love themed prairie-esque spiritual music begins as Meri gazes out the window, overwhelmed by her own humble generosity.

Kody self righteously preaches against the unfair necessity of dealing with the institutional word ‘divorce’, a word that causes such unjust and emotional heartbreak.  If spiritual marriage is just as important…WHY the heartbreak anyway?? Robyn musters a few droplets as she screws up her face in a forced grimace, while basking in the preciousness of her balding love being officially single. She admits that they still have many hurdles to jump, and that they are headed into a war of wall toppling. I wonder if we will ever hear any more of this epic battle towards victory for children…my guess is NO.

In the Tell All special, we learn that ‘divorce’ sounds like shattering glass, Robyn’s children actually having a living father is a kinda major wall, Robyn can speak while crying with no tears, and Christine needs to stop with the false eyelashes. Meri claims that the divorce has improved her life, no matter what her Twitter account says, and Christine wishes all of the naysayers an eternity in Hell.  On that note…stay tuned as we continue to hang with uncovering all the Brown shenanigans…this show is definitely not over.

 

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