Last week on “Love & Hip Hop New York,” Jhonni gets sucker punched by Precious. This week, Rich gets sucker punched by Jhonni. She’s all like, “I’m sorry,” and how can I make it up to you? yada yada bing bang, and next thing you know, Rich‘s male bits have taken over and he’s gonna meet her in the bathroom for a little sumthin’ sumthin’. Even worse than that? They’re in Jersey City! Yuck! Talk about not wanting anyone to see you! You know a man doesn’t want to be seen when he makes you drag your ass on the PATH train and walk over to the Taphouse!
Mendeecees is having fun shopping when Yandy confronts him outside the store — anybody go home to talk anymore? — and tells him how she read Remy, his assistant. Now why Mendeecees needs an assistant is clear to everyone but Yandy, so you think she’ll wise up? Nah. She’s pushing the issue again, telling him he better talk to Remy about being disrepectful to her, or get rid of her. He looks so bored — you know, like he always looks but with a touch more insouciance.
Over at Peter and Amina‘s home in Yonkers — that’s how the show titles it, not me — Peter‘s in a tizzy because Amina ratted him out to Tara. He compares it to “the police ran up into this bitch and you be like ‘There’s a gun under the bed and coke in the freezer.'” Interesting. Not the analogy a normal person would use but definitely colorful. Paints a picture, don’t it? Kids, when you grow up and your significant other uses an analogy like that one, just leave. Otherwise, you get the situation like Amina‘s got where he gets the satisfaction of leaving. Yes, Peter picked his peck of denim low boys and left. Doesn’t look like he took any underwear with him. Maybe Peter goes commando. Oh well, don’t the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya! Instead of having a party, Amina starts fake crying and threatening to take the baby to Germany with her. Poor baby. German food sucks.
Erica makes her mother fly on a plane and all just to come to her apartment and hear that Bow Wow asked her to marry him. Instead, she should have spent the money on getting her mother’s teeth fixed. Erica‘s shoving her kid outta the room to show off her big rock to a mother whose teeth look like — I don’t know. Words fail. Spread the love and get her some caps. Oh, and while you’re out it, figure out how you’re gonna tell your kid you’re getting married to someone he’s never met.
Peter meets with Cisco and Rich to complain about how he’s been betrayed, and Cisco jumps in an agrees. These poor guys — always getting played, eh? ‘Xcuse me while I go puke. They all raise a glass to the “creep squad.” Guess that’s them.
Chrissy has been asked to pose for an urban men’s magazine called, “l’adore.” Yeah. It is pretty funny. Their tagline is, “Sexy. Beautiful. Intelligent.” It’s $15 per issue, plus shipping and handling. It’s really classy because it’s just hooker wear — no nudity. Her moms must be so proud. Oh. She’s telling us she’s giving Chink and ultimatum. Like he cares. Better off buying the damn rag for $15 than getting a divorce. At least the rag won’t talk back to him.
We just knew Diamond couldn’t hold onto what little self-respect she has, and now she’s begging Rich to help her get back with Mr. Egghead Cisco. She gives Rich a letter to give him. He tells her to keep her cleavage in check.
Amina and Tara sit down A-GAIN because neither of them can seem to get this through their thick skulls that Peter is screwing them both over. So they keep arguing with each other when they should both be getting rid of Peter for good.
Rich and Egghead Cisco meet up because Amina is singing at an open mic night and Cyn is with Rich so that’s Cisco‘s next victim. Rich gives Cisco the letter from Diamond and he swears he’s done with that which makes Rich happy because he wants to hit it. Btw, Amina needs to find a real career, say like, stock girl at Toys R Us. Peter pops up and says he’s sorry. Guess he ran outta dime for the YMCA. Anyway, his move fails because Amina tells him she’s definitely going to Germany with the baby. He tells her she’s not. She says she is. I say she’s not because a U.S. Passport requires the signature of both parents to prevent one parent from taking a child away from the other.
Erica takes her boy, King, to the zoo. Not any old zoo, but the super fantastic Turtle Back Zoo in West Orange, NJ. As if having to go to that zoo isn’t bad enough, Erica tells the kid that she’s been seeing a guy who she’s going to marry. The kids says he’s “weirded out.” Me, too, kid. Me, too.
Well, we see Amina getting packed and looking like she’s leaving for Germany so either a) she got a passport with Peter‘s permission so all his huff and puff about not taking the kid with her was b.s., or b) she’s breaking the law. Do I care? Not really. Just tired of being played by the both of them. Hope she stays in Germany and gets fat on sausage.
Mendeecees and Yandy’s first kid is left at school and they can’t reach Yandy, so Mendeecees decides to make it sound like the kid is in the hospital. Naturally, this upsets Yandy, so she’s running her pregnant butt all over and ends up at Mendeecees studio. Mendeecees thinks it’s a big joke and he’s got the kid right there and then Remy walks in all like “I’m gonna play U.N. negotiator,” and Mendeecees is sitting on the couch laughing his ass off and then he starts lecturing her about being a lousy mother.
What a world….
Wendy Owen is a freelance writer for All About The Tea.