We begin our last week in LA when “Dance Moms” kicks off this week. The week is gonna be a biggie, and we learn that Maddie has scored a Disney acting gig, which has requiredAbby to bring in a sub to lead. Apparently none of the other ALDC dancers can manage leadership, which certainly speaks volumes about Abby’s training. We welcome two dancers from Kalani’s studio, which annoys Kira, because she thought that she had broken free from that wreck of a group to join this one. JoJo is on the bottom of the pyramid for not watching a scary movie to improve a performance that turned out flat. Jess mouths off, Abby belts out her first bellow of the episode, and JoJo begins to cry, which gets her booted from the room. Jess continues her disrespectful brat training in the dressing room, before JoJo returns with a forced apology. Kalani and Kendall are at the top of the pyramid, and we hear about this week’s competition. Because of all the California fighting, feuds are being celebrated this week, and Olympians Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding will be portrayed by Kalani and guest, Sarah. Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz will be played by Mackenzie and JoJo. Two small groups will also perform, to up Abby’s chance of winning.
Jill is peeved that Abby is spending her time with the guest dancers instead of her team, and that million dollar question is asked.. .can any dance group in the universe possibly survive without Maddie? The moms banter about what a mess of a basket case that Abby has been throughout the trip, and we listen to Holly express annoyance for the millionth time. Jill rants at the guest moms for busting in and taking her baby’s solos, and our memories are refreshed about the competitive and screechy nature of Kalani’s old studio. Both of the new moms have old issues with Kira, and Jill is worried that distractions could be an issue during this last week of stardom hunting. The girls’ pre-adolescent worlds are blown when Abby receives a phone call from the father of internet artist Matty B, an eleven year old little boy who raps on the side of highways and has like a bazillion followers on YouTube.
Abby is happy to hear that an ELEVEN year old has no girlfriend, and all of the dancers swoon over the possibility of doing a video with the pint sized dreamboat. This poses a problem for Mackenzie who EVERYONE knows is a big recording artist. Mackenzie will play second fiddle to no one, so fingers crossed that she wins the lead. Jill suggests giving someone outside Maddie‘s family a shot, and is promptly told to shut up with such nonsense. Holly comments that if a kid’s name doesn’t start with an ‘M’, Abby doesn’t care, which evidently she is just noticing for the first time. Molly Long has been called into choreograph a number, and the moms feel passed off by Abby, and don’t appreciate that their kids are being dealt losing choreography. Melissa comments that Mackenzie’s music producer doesn’t want her to be in the video, and that it won’t mean much to Mackenzie’s singing career, but changes her mind right away when she hears that this Matty B kid has about a billion views on social media.
The guest moms believe that their girls have a right to the audition, and Abby’s moms think it would be devastating if one of the guests lands the role. The moms converse about JoJo’s horrifying backtalk, and Jess smirks proudly at her successfully sassy parenting. It’s audition time, and it’s explained that the parts are divided into three parts, the lead, the waitresses and backup dancers. Abby reminds us that the girls are teammates one day, and competitors the next, and the auditions begins. The crew shows up, and the girls are told that they would be judged on what they bring to the set, and how they interpret the music. The girls freestyle dance one by one and then jump around with a stand in MattyB double. Short solos are performed, and most of it is painful. We hear the feedback of the producers, with the director acting like a Lifetime movie extra, thrown in for an extra shot of drama. The video shooting day has arrived and SURPRISE, Maddie is here, because although this kid is no hotshot next to Sia, what’s a rabid stage mother to do? The director explains that MattyB’s love interest (HELLO…he is 11!) is Mackenzie, and JoJo, Nia, and Kalani are chosen as the waitresses.
The filming begins, and it’s all about a diner and little boys trying to win the hearts of young, stand offish girls, with milkshakes being the glue that holds them together. Abby is an hour late, and the moms are peeved that she’s not there. Melissa lets Abby know that Mackenzie nailed the lead, and Abby is furious that she signed away top billing. Abby shows up and asserts that attorneys need to be consulted, because there is just NO WAY that Melissa is not an idiot for agreeing to second billing alongside a true internet celebrity. Abby storms around, balking and throwing the stink eye at Melissa, and the episode ends with Abby expressing disgust at the thought of anyone thinking that the ALDC needs a lame few million hits on the internet. A quick look at the video reveals that Maddie, Mackenzie, and Kendall are nowhere to be seen, so either the whole shoot was half faked for the show, or something happens next week that results in the exodus. I guess we will see next week!
Becca is a Senior Editor for All About The Tea. She’s a coastal girl who loves the outdoors, and writing about the sneaky and silly side of reality TV. Her bio is short, but her snark is endless. She loves writing for the sharpest posters in the world.