When last we left Peter, he was in the hospital lying his ass off to Amina because Tara dumped him in Barbados. He will be ho-less if he loses the dumbest wife ever, so he makes her a fruit bowl. Fruit. Bowl. Then to top off the fruit bowl, he tosses in an unsolicited bit of honesty. I’m starting to think Peter is the kind of guy who does these things so he has an excuse to leave. He tells Amina that Tara and boys were with him in Barbados. Amina reacts the way she always does – no surprise there. She rants. She raves. She leaves. Oh, not the house; not Peter. No, she’d never do that. She just gets out of camera range.
Still pretending to be a producer, Richie hooks up Cyn with Precious Paris as if this is gonna make a hit record. Cyn explains to Paris her idea which is going to “save some lives and really do this for a good cause.” Of course, the song could have the opposite effect, then that would be a bummer.
Lil’ Mendeecees has been living with Yandy and Mendeecees “for a long time” because they “have an understanding, but things have been blowing up recently,” as Yandy tells us. Seems Lil’ Mendeecees mother, Samantha, was very young when she had him and wanted to finish school. Hence the arrangement for others to help with the kid. Now she wants to spend more time with the kid. Mendeecees ain’t having none of that because a jailbird always makes a better parent. He hung up on her during their last conversation, so she went to the school and picked the kid up, unbeknownst to anyone. What a bitch! Perhaps if Mendeecees hadn’t hung up on her, he would have heard this part of the discussion? We’ll never know and now he’s in full-on, outright-indignation mode. Either way, he’s dumping the mess on Yandy. Off Yandy goes, and when Samantha, a very reasonable woman, tells her that Mendeecees doesn’t bother answering texts, et al, and that Yandy should step up if she wants to sort this out, Yandy‘s all like, “Hell, no!” As if that perfectly reasonable solution since the man is, perhaps, maybe, kinda, sorta going back to jail, is totally unreasonable. Talk about stirrin’ it up just to make TV.
Richie has his launch party at Motivo in the real New York, the Flatiron district. Unfortunately for him, the promoter, only managed to get 11 women of various shapes and sizes to stand behind the velvet rope, pretending to want to get in the club. Well, I use the term “club” loosely. It’s actually a “pay for play” event space, so you’re dependent upon the promoter to set up a good night. Good promoter, good night; crappy promoter, crappy night. This is why if you’re real, a known club will take you in and let you bring your product. When you’re a schmuck, you rent-a-space-and-crew, and pay for it all up front. Inside, there looks to be maybe 50 people milling around, and the place is lit up like an office space. Yeah! Makes me wanna get down! (Oh, wait! This is all just a set up to put Cyn and Erica in the same room! I forgot. Please forgive my temporary insanity.) Rashidah Ali is there, so you know it’s a high-class affair. We don’t know if she’s there to sell shoes, or find another rapper to bang [see 2013 season for her booty call with Mendeecees], but she’s playing the role of kissing Rich‘s ass as if a) this liquor is of any value b) to be the ear to listen to Rich brag that he invited Cyn and Erica to the “event.” Since Rashida is a serial stalker of reality shows, we can assume it is just to help move the plot along. When Cyn comes on over, Rashida greets her with, “You pretty ass, little young bitch.” Yeah. Girl power to 9th.
Erica shows up at the party in time to hear Richie introduce Cyn to the crowd of tens of people. She then retreats to the bar and orders Hennessy as if that’s her drink of choice and not just to show off. Rashida is with her so it looks like Erica is talking to someone other than herself. You have to admire Rashida‘s special talent, dontcha? Background extra with ears. Erica goes up to Richie, Erica, and Paris, and points out that there’s nobody there. Richie wants to know why she’s talking like that, and she responds, “Because I’m drunk.” Well, you would have to be drunk to go to Motivo, that’s for damn sure. She continues: “Can I get shot of this 49?” Rich plays right into it, and corrects her. Erica continues without missing a beat, saying, “Damn, better taste like my ex-girlfriend and (bleep).” Cyn tells the camera she’s not gonna “engage” Erica. Meanwhile, Erica knows the deal. She goes over and grabs the mic, and says “Check one, two. Hello. I just wanna give a big shout out to my good friend, buddy ol’ pal, Richie (bleep)in’ Dollaz. Let all give Richie D, a round of applause, and, honestly, I love and respect you till this day, no matter how many (bleep)in’ songs you stole from me. No matter how many of my exes you decide to hire. We love you Richie D — only you could pull this off!” The crowd laughs. “So on that note, let’s give a round of applause to Richie Dollaz and Dollaz Unlimited! Thank you!” Then Erica makes her exit throwing love and kisses to everyone before trying to leave through the mirror, which she thinks is a door, ’till she stops herself and finds the real door. Cut and print.
Richie wises up and goes out to Jersey City — is that still part of New York? They really do stretch the meaning of New York to the limit on this show — to “pump on the brakes and stop hangin’ with these young ass girls.” Yeah. That’s the problem, Richie. Not that you got no talent in your stable — just that the hacks are too young. He’s gonna sort it with Chink and talk like a couple of chicks about their relationships. Richie recounts his tale of woe — meaning that Erica made a scene at his “launch party” just like he hoped she would — then asks Chink about his ho. Now, none of these guys ever thought of having a vasectomy since they drive women so mad with lust they all wanna have their baby, and Chink is no different. He’s giving Richie the whole down lo on why Chrissy is such a P.O.S. for talking all kinds of chit about everything except the fact that her old ass is off the pill. (BTW, Chrissy, after a certain age, you should be takin’ the pill, know what I mean?) Richie understands why Chink would have trust issues. I mean, Chink‘s only married and Chrissy is just his side piece of meat, appetizer du jour, so to speak, but he’s got trust issues. They both decide that Chink is mature and grown up now because he’s says he’s gonna talk to Chrissy mano-a-mano. Yeah. I know I wrote mano. I’m still on the fence as to Chrissy‘s genetic origins.
Mendeecees is past Harlem in the Dykman b-ball courts in Inwood with some youths, but feels compelled to tell us, “Being from Harlem, growing up, there was not a whole lotta youth programs…” Uh. Okay. So the Harlem Youth Program doesn’t count, or Mendeecees is a LOT older than he’s lettin’ on. Or, he’s not from Harlem. Anyway, the jailbird thinks he has a lot to offer, by saying things like “go to school” and “play basketball.” Yeah. Play basketball. Don’t learn to be a plumber, electrician, or carpenter. Play basketball. Yandy shows up, to tell him how to handle his own damn kid. She’s “done playing monkey stupid in the middle.” She tells Mendeecees it’s back in his court to sort this chit out.
New Dum-Dum in the bag, Paris, talks to Cyn about Erica and closure. All I can say is, “Wise up, girl! This is all about air time.” Oh. Wait. You knew that already. That’s why you’re bringing it up with Cyn while she’s getting her nails done and the cameras are rolling. You all just met, but you’re gonna stick your ass in her backyard? Okay.
Meanwhile, in the Twilight Zone, Amina and Tara have a sit down in some cruddy cafe. They both know Peter is a liar. They both know he’s a ho. They both know he’s got more kids than the Ronald McDonald House. But, they both sit there and talk about him as if there’s something there to work with. That soon goes nowhere, so they agree to be cordial for the sake of the kids all being siblings.
Chrissy, who doesn’t like to use her real last name of Crastanada for some unknown reason, goes to the studio where Chink is “working” to once again confront him about divorce and babies and such stuff that a woman old enough to be a grandmother shouldn’t be trippin’ about. For real, when Chink summons her, she should leave the voice mail on and never answer. Chink starts in on her about and how all the things he liked about her — “All that (bleep) that made you who you are to me, every chance you get you take pieces of that (bleep) off the table!” So, let’s break it down. Chink liked Chrissy when she was a just a desperate booty call not questioning his moves or his motives. Now she’s taking the next ho step and wanting to snag him with a baby and marriage — btw, whatever happened to marriage, then baby? — and it’s “not cool.” Well, here I have to agree with Chink. If you get a man by acting like a ho who don’t care, then you better stay that ho that don’t care and don’t change up the rules at half time. Chrissy claims she doesn’t tell Chink nothing because this is how he reacts. That certainly is the basis for deep, honest, and loving long-term relationship, isn’t it? Well, no, it’s just a plot device, because Chrissy tells Chink “it’s been nice knowing you,” and walks out the door. Good move because now she won’t have to explain to him how she’s so damn old she’s not getting pregnant unless her name is Sarah and she’s married to Abraham.
At Chocolat in Harlem, Leon Ellis‘ American fare lounge and bar, Mendeecees meets up with Lil’ Mendeecees‘ mama that he never married, Samantha. Chocolat is the most interesting thing about this meeting, because the two of them are just stupid. All this custody talk when Mendeecees maybe going back up the river any moment is pointless. Who cares? Let’s order some chicken and red velvet pancakes and have a party in our mouths! Yum!
To end the show, we have to go back to Erica and Cyn and their fake-ass relationship and fighting for air time. Erica is supposedly “working,” shooting the cover for Blu magazine, but decides to answer Cyn‘s request to meet. Erica pulls out the stupid Richie stuff, which seems rather inane since she doesn’t go with Richie, does she, and she doesn’t work with Richie, does she? So why Cyn can’t work with Richie makes no sense whatsoever. This plot line is getting thinner than a piece of Capellini that’s been split down the middle. Whatever! Erica then realizes this is getting played out, so she apologies to Cyn for getting physical, and walks away.
Next week, it looks like we’ll finally get some good fightin’ that doesn’t involve these two! Can’t wait, can you?
Wendy Owen is a freelance writer for All About The Tea.