”The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” begins with Lisa catching us up on what her son Max has been up to. Music college has been a bust, and Max struggles with confidence and an ambitious spirit, so Lisa has plunked him into Sur, because at least he isn’t lying around saying “I can’t” all day. It’s time to make it on his own, and being dropped into an environment of 30 somethings acting like oversexed high schoolers will surely bring the “YES I can!” out of this unmotivated young man. Lisa reminds us in the same breath of her dazzling gem of a daughter, Pandora, who is pretty much the opposite of a Sur employee in every way.
The Umanskys are traveling to Arizona to drop Alexia off at college and lucky for us, the pre-blubber fest has already started. Kyle wants to let Alexia spread her wings, as long as she makes sure to come home for her weekly laundry lesson accompanied by a side of sniffle time. Kyle feels secure, because she knows that if anything goes wrong with her beloved daughter, the Tuscon police will tweet an SOS, and she can jump on one of her luxury private jets and be by her side in a flash. Kyle hates that she didn’t go to college, and squarely blames her mother for forcing her to be a quasi-famous child actress instead of back staging her into law school.
We skip across the country where Yo and Bella are unloading her junk at her new NYC pad. Yolanda feels insecure about letting Bella go, blows her a kiss, and secretly hopes that her amazing daughter doesn’t turn and wink at the camera then rush to befriend the first 21 year old that crosses her path.
Back in Cali, Brandi has broken out her best grimy look for a meeting with her lawyer. Eddie wants a hefty refund, claiming that he overpaid child and spousal support. Brandi wants Eddie to get a job already so they can all sit around and eat a motherfu**in’ Thanksgiving dinner and be done with it. The timer goes off on her smart phone and she scampers away before the pro can charge her for another 15 minutes….fingers crossed that it’s in the direction of a shower.
We sit in on a family dinner at Eileen’s, highlighted by a special guest appearance of Gigi Hadid’s prom date, and it’s a cute scene. Back at Bella’s pad, Yolanda is arranging the furnishings, fur rugs, and accessories, while Bella is nowhere to be seen. Back in Arizona, Kyle and the family meet up with Farrah, check into the hotel, while
Kyle continues to whine, cry, and ramble on about leaving Alexia, who is off having fun, away from the clingy misery.
Lisa Rinna is headed to an acting gig, and she is excited because she loves to do anything, especially when you get a check. She launches into a startling series of voice exercises, her lips take over the screen, and it is a bit frightening. Penn Gillette has summoned her to the harrowing task of playing Harry Hamlin’s wife, and because she loves being an actress, she is all over the challenge. Lisa believes that it’s really weird to act in a non porny way with her own husband, and doesn’t appreciate being type-cast as herself.
Back in NYC, Bella arrives home to a perfectly staged apartment, and presents her mom with a letter of apology for her drunken whoopsie. It is sweet, but I found it odd to do it on camera, and half expected Yo to look at the camera and say “SEE! I TOLD you she was perfection!” Hopefully this will put an end to all of Yolanda’s endless ultimate mother parenting lectures.
Brandi is hosting a girls/guys night in to watch her ex-hub’s reality show debut. She scoffs and giggles while she describes the marriage reality show premise, clearly fighting off a clenched twitch. Pal, Jennifer and Brandi’s favorite groggy, cast mate arrive to join in the punishing fun. Kim is wearing her best Laugh In inspired jumpsuit for this special occasion, as they settle in on Brandi’s bed (shudder!) to watch the show and snark about the couple’s pathetic teeth brushing. Brandi gripes about being mentioned and bashed so often, but isn’t able to hide a spontaneous “YES!” cheerleader arm pump in the middle of one of her complaining rants. Kim comments that it can’t be easy to watch your ex and his new wife play house, unless creative control over casting is allowed. Brandi hopes that Eddie does well so that she can spend more than a measly grand on groceries each week.
Back at Vanderpump Central, Ken and Lisa are celebrating 32 years of puppies and roses, and it’s all pink and adorable. Max shows up and frustrates the couple with his obvious immaturity, forcing Ken to leave the room before he blows. Max is struggling and still learning, and is apparently cool to do so with no electricity. Ken and Lisa want him to learn the restaurant business from the inside out, and maybe even learn to register and insure the cars he drives.
Back in Arizona, Kyle has crossed over the border into crazy town as she wonders how her wise beyond her years daughter will manage a simple airport, how in the world $1800 a month will be enough to pay for manicures, and wait….WHY did she never become a lawyer again? We thankfully jump back into sanity where Lisa R is hosting a jewelry party to benefit a cancer foundation. The jewelry is sorta ugly and even worse, void of big fat diamonds, and Lisa is worried that the blingless baubles might not fly with her wealthy friends. Lisa cleverly remarks that one of the necklaces is “fancy”, which is always my go-to compliment for gaudy awful.
Back at Eileen’s, we learn that she never went to college either, but enjoys living the experience through her stepsons. She appears to be infinitely more level headed than Kyle, and as a bonus, it appeared that she was wearing one of those ‘fancy’ necklaces in her talking head.
The melodramatic and torturous goodbyes between Kyle, Mauricio and Alexia finally end and I am beyond relieved. Here’s hoping that we never see RHOBH: College Edition again, because it was a gigantic boring snooze. It looks like we are headed for a mini smackdown next week so I’ll see you on the front row!
Becca is a Senior Editor for All About The Tea. She’s a coastal girl who loves the outdoors, and writing about the sneaky and silly side of reality TV. Her bio is short, but her snark is endless. She loves writing for the sharpest posters in the world.