We are back for another round of back-to-back episodes of “Celebrity Apprentice” for double the firings and double the fun. The first task the contestants must perform is a four-page health and fitness editorial for Cosmopolitan magazine. The teams will be judged on originality, creativity, and overall presentation. Johnny Damon volunteers for the men’s project manager and Jamie Anderson volunteers for the women. (Once again Leeza Gibbons doesn’t stick her neck out.)
As the women pitch ideas at the round table, Shawn Johnson suggests “Coached by Olympians” and Kenya Moore suggests “Touch Me” with the instruction of how to work out where the model is being touched. Jamie isn’t 100% on board with this idea, but realizes Cosmo is a sexy magazine. And of course Brandi Glanville and Kenya try to one-up each other because this is what they do. Kenya wants to write, edit, and model and Brandi doesn’t think that Kenya should hog all of the assignments. Leeza suggests that Brandi be their model. Kenya storms out of the room with a parting shot of “bitch is dumb as rocks.” Not to mince words, Kenya, but the saying is “bitch is dumb as a box of rocks.”
The men are flipping through the pages of the magazine realizing how “flirty” Cosmo is with its content. Ian wants his wife to start reading it now. Geraldo finds a way to center the concept around himself, and actually has the nerve to credit himself with the “selfie trend.” With the help of Terrell Owens the come up with the slogan “Love Your Selfie Naked.” Johnny wants to involve his wife who is a Sports Illustrated model. Geraldo wants to re-enact what that selfie would look like between the two of them. Awk-ward. Afterwards the two smoke a cigarette.
At the Team Vortex photo shoot, Johnny and his wife, who are a gorgeous couple, pose for semi-topless photos. Lorenzo is doing a great job of directing the shoot. T.O. does pushups with a model sitting on his back. And because Ian wrote an essay about his wife taking pole dancing classes, the model then poses with split legs around the pole. Geraldo gives his unwanted opinion yet again to tell Ian how to write concisely, but the men are doing a better job of ignoring him. So what does Geraldo do to gain attention? You guessed it. He strips down to his underwear and walks around pumping weights. My eyes, my eyes! After I recover from temporary blindness, Lorenzo has taken the picture of Geraldo even though he admits that it won’t appeal to Cosmo’s demographics.
At the Team Infinity photo shoot, Shawn has a great idea that she and Jamie should be draped in the American flag so that it appears they are naked. Kenya is giving tips to Brandi to accentuate her flat ass, and for some reason Brandi is wearing a jacket zipped up to her neck, not taking direction well from Kenya. Kenya is not getting that sexy vibe from the shoot and she’s right. It’s not until someone mentions photo-shopping that Brandi loosens up, takes off her jacket and straddles the male model reverse cowboy, which is probably the way she normally sit on a man’s lap.
Both teams present their four-page ads to the execs. Team Vortex’s four page spread looks good and Team Infinity’s spread looks a bit scattered. In the boardroom Johnny says that if they don’t win his recommendation on whom to fire will depend on what the execs say. Geraldo says he’s not sure if they won. Ian thinks they won. Jaime says she thinks her team won. Kenya considers herself the star of the week and Brandi considers Kenya evil. The two bicker again for a while (double yawn) and then Jamie shares a mean comment Brandi made concerning Kenya’s booty being bought and paid for.
The feedback from the execs is they liked the “selfie” concept from the men, but the ads lacked specific takeaways. For the women, the execs say they used the correct buzz words, but there was a disconnect with the concept. The winner was Team Vortex! The men return to their base to watch the bloodshed for Team Infinity via television.
Trump asks Jamie who’s to blame for the disconnect. Jamie blames the housewives. Leeza says she would fire Kenya. Brandi says she would fire Kate. Yeah, surprised me too. Kate would fire Brandi. Vivica would fire either Kate or Brandi, they both drive her crazy. And Kenya would fire Brandi, no surprise there. In the end, Jamie brings back Kate and Kenya to the boardroom and Kenya is not happy. She let’s Jamie know straight up this is a huge mistake. Jamie tells Trump that she’s changed her mind and now wants to bring in Brandi. Trump tells Jamie too bad, so sad, and for her indecisiveness throws in, “You’re fired!”
Task number two is a fundraising challenge disguised as a wedding dress sale. But before they begin, Trump mixes things up and changes the teams to co-ed. The new teams are: Kenya, Brandi (you knew he would keep these two together), Leeza, Johnny, Terrell, and Ian Ziering – who raises his hand for PM. The other team is Shawn, Vivica, Lorenzo, Sig (Who? Oh, the boat guy who does as little as possible.) and Geraldo – who accepts the challenge of PM, if only to piss off Ian.
Both sides are working the phones, calling their people to donate money. Brandi is off by herself making calls and Ian, after giving a lengthy speech, asks Brandi to move closer to the group. Kate is waiting on money, but doesn’t want to rest on that laurel after failing to raise a dime last time, so she comes up with the idea of a pop-up hair salon to consult the brides. Ian calls in his friends to help decorate their store front when he notices Brandi is missing. Apparently she’s had a panic attack (though not caught on camera) and has gone back to her hotel room. Everyone is now on Team Not Brandi.
Geraldo flashes a check delivered to him for $99K and Ian flashes a check for $165K. Kate and Geraldo dress as bride and groom to attract dress buyers and Ian has Chippendale dancers to attract buyers. A check arrives in Kate’s name for $30K. T.O. is not having very much luck reeling in money and doesn’t seem too concerned about it. He’s more interesting in his cheeseburger.
In the boardroom, Trump asks Ian if he thinks they won. He says yes. Trump asks about working with Kenya and Brandi. Ian says that Kenya is wonderful and Brandi is fragile. Geraldo is ever confident that his team won until Trump announces that over $600K was raised by the two teams and the difference between them was only $2500. Ouch! So close it hurts. Trump offers the two PM’s a once in a lifetime chance to keep the money each team raised for both charities or take the money and run. Ian and Geraldo agree it would be reckless to do anything other than split the money. The money that Ian’s team raised is $292,547 and Geraldo’s team raised $294,781. Both charities are winners, but Geraldo is now a double winner and his head will need to be surgically deflated.
When the task is a fundraising challenge it comes down to the numbers so Ian had no choice but to bring back Johnny Damon and Terrell Owens to the boardroom. Johnny raised more money than T.O. and the part that hurts the most, if T.O.’s so-called friend would have come through with the $5K he promised, their team would have won. T.O. You’re fired!
And now for the:
- Person we most want to have a drink with: Got to give to Ian. He hustled for his charity. Yes, his speech went on a little long and should consider running for office, but the guy is passionate and willing to do whatever it takes. Kudos to your win even though you didn’t win.
- Person we most want to throw a drink at: The obvious choice is Geraldo! To think that he seriously started the selfie trend. Are you kidding me? Can the man be more arrogant? Dumb question. Yes, I’m sure he can.
I am so lucky to combine blogging with my guilty pleasure of watching reality TV. I read all the comments and respond to most. Feel free to reach out to me. If you like fiction, I have two published novels: Three Days in Purgatory and A Reason to Run.