Now that all the cheap champagne from New Year’s Eve has finally worn off, we’re trippin’ with the crew of “Love & Hip Hop New York” once again. Before we begin, I must confess that I like Chrissy best, because I can imagine her in lockup with Teresa Giudice in Danbury.
We pick up where we left off with Amina tracking Peter down while he’s having lunch with his family – the other family – the one with Tara. She blowz it by losing her cool on the street, “sitting down like a puppy” as Peter says. #Caring. So it’s left to Tara to go talk to her. Tara is rational and so is Amina, who asks “Why don’t you just take him back?” Well, good question that Tara can’t answer. But, she does manage to get Amina back in her jeep and on her way. One has to wonder why they BOTH don’t just kick Peter to the curb.
Cisco is being driven to drink by Diamond because heaven knows her betrayal is just too much for one playa to handle — so he hooks up with Rich Dollaz to spread the sorrow. Rich is asked how he is and jumps right into how he doesn’t owe Erica diddly for the two “records” they released. Then Cisco starts his tale of woe of how Diamond is such a ho and she was only his Cali booty call and she’s got a kid he never knew about. Rich thinks that’s fine because her kid and Cisco‘s kid can play together. Let me retype that: Her kid and CISCO’S KID(S) can play together.
Oh, you didn’t know Cisco has another kid? Well, neither does Diamond. Rich wants to know just why it is Cisco doesn’t tell anyone he has a kid. Yes, Cisco, please elucidate. See, his baby mama just had a kid and the baby is 6-months old. Maybe that’s why Cisco didn’t tell Diamond. I mean, how can your kid play with a 6-month old baby boy? A kid that small can’t even handle Hungry, Hungry Hippo, can he? It would be just stupid to be tellin’ Diamond about that kid, right?
Cyn‘s giving Erica the cold shoulder, so she calls Albee, her “friend.” She tells Albee that she doesn’t know where her relationship stands. Albee decides to be a real friend and stir the pot by calling out Cyn, telling Erica she’s hanging with a dude from Dykman.
Yandy is pissed that Mendecees put on weight while he was in the joint so she forces him to work out. Now, if you’ll remember, first epi we had Mendecees dragging Yandy to a cheap-ass chapel in Vegas to get hitched, which she ditched. Here we are after working out all nice and everything, and Yandy starts talking about planning the wedding when Mendecees drops the bomb. Seems he wants to put it off to September or so, because he needs to straighten Yandy out. He’s been checking out her pictures on Instagram and doesn’t like what he sees which is hoochie mama dresses, apparently. This bastion of perfection is going to have to get Yandy back to being respectable before he puts a ring on it. It’s not just the boob job up front, it seems he’s annoyed by the booty pix, too. Yandy brings up a good point: “If were gonna be having issues over such trivial things, how we gonna be walkin’ down the aisle?” I’ve got an even better point. HE’S A CON — RUN!!! Sorry, I’m fine now, but when they decide to make up within a nanosecond, I’m back to being pissed.
Erica has managed to find some kind of “blouse” or “top” or whatever that allows her boobs to look like they’re gonna fall out any from underneath. Is that what they mean by cutting edge fashion? I was so distracted by the “blouse” that when they started going at each other about how they were both skanks and both bitches doing things on the down lo that I barely saw how it started — that they both got up and in each other’s face and had to be pulled apart by some ever-present bodyguards. Where do these guys come from? Or are these bitches so famous, they can’t go to the soda shop without some muscle? While Cyn is being dragged out screaming, “She touched my face,” Erica is just standing there showing the lower boobage. Must be a boob job because it never dropped, right? It’s the silicone that’s keeping it up and in that “blouse.”
Amina and Peter get together — remember, they’re married — to talk about how she’s home by herself and doesn’t know where he is. On top of that, the baby is “small.” She claims it’s stress. I think it’s someone’s not eating to keep her figure, but let’s not let medical facts get in the way of a heavy dose of guilt to make Peter come home every night. Why you’d want his ugly ass face in yours every night is beyond me. He ain’t no Idris!
Cut to Cisco going to meet his mama Maggie, who he blames for everything. He’s still telling us it’s Diamond‘s fault because he’s been lied to in the past and can’t trust anyone. His Mama tells him he always runs away from relationships. He then tells his Mama it’s her fault because she broke his heart. He manipulates his Mama like he manipulates his hos because he’s got his Mama crying and apologizing for crap that happened 20 years ago. I’m nominating this dog for an Academy Award. He could make Michelle Obama apologize to him!
Tara‘s at lunch with Yandy so she can relate what a fool she is without knowing she’s relating what a fool she is. She tells Yandy about the whole surprise visit by Amina. Then she tells Yandy how Peter and her and the kids are going on vacation together. Yandy tries to keep it real, but Tara is in fantasy land. She won’t give up on the loser and she won’t admit she’s in love with him. IYANLA! Fix her life, PUHLEEZE!
Off to Erica telling Rashidah about her fake-ass cat fight with Cyn. She hasn’t reached out to her since because she doesn’t know how, so Rashidah says, “I know you love her down, so that’s something you really gotta fix.” Don’t ask me, I only type this stuff. Tonight, I’m gonna tell my man, “You know I love you down,” just to see if he’s hip to the jive.
Yandy and Mendecees have a great idea! Let’s get tattoos! Nothing sings out everlasting love with the full force of the Harlem Gospel Choir like getting his and hers tats! (BTW, they do a gospel brunch at B.B. Kings like that’s to die for! Get the “Lucille’s Chicken and Waffles” with a Jack and Coke and that’ll make your all-time best brunch list ever!)
Now, Mendecees has been in the joint, but he’s scared of getting a tattoo. For me, it wold be the other way around. Tattoo — sure! Jail — meh! not so much. Like a jack ass, Mendecees gets Yandy‘s name on his wrist. Not to be outdone, Yandy gets his whole name on her ring finger. (We all know from RHOC how hard it is get that puppy removed, don’t we?) Mazel tov!
It’s the day of Amina’s baby shower. Erica pulled it all together — meaning she hired someone of course. Cyn shows up and greets Amina then turns to Erica, and like a really bad soap script they start to talk to each other at the same time. Amina apologizes. Cyn accepts but claim she doesn’t know what to do. I guess the dick from Dykman is more enticing then we know.
We switch it up by droppin’ in on Cisco and Diamond. He’s decided it’s time he let love in. It’s so sweet, I just wanna puke. He’s gonna show her “my affection” at a club. Well, I guess that’s legal in NYC even though smoking in a club is not. Oh. He means he’s “poppin bottles for everybody tonight.” A whole 65 bottles. Of what, we don’t know, but it’s probably the house shite. Diamond tells us the party made her feel “like he gave shite” and she really appreciated that. Of course, Cisco feels like this is the right time to tell her that he’s a total asshole just like her because he’s got a baby boy he didn’t tell her about. “I have a son. I have a six month old son.” Diamond says, “A what?”
And that’s all she wrote! We’ll have to wait till next week to see how Diamond turns this one around on Cisco!
Wendy Owen is a freelance writer for All About The Tea.